Chapter 49 Reagan
FORTY-NINE
REAGAN
Distraction is the name of the game I play these days.
If I’m not in class, I’m either studying, eating, or asleep.
When it comes to basketball, I am the last one on the bus and the first one off.
At games, I sit the farthest from the players that I can, and I leave as soon as the game is over.
I also avoid the practice gym at all costs.
I’ve even started getting rides with Lindsey or coordinating to the minute so that I don’t see Riggs.
The sight of him brings a flood of emotion that I can’t deal with right now.
I’m in the middle of reading ahead for next week’s classes when I hear the doorbell ring. I don’t remember Jordan saying someone was stopping by, so I’m at a loss as to who it could be.
A twinge of fear races through me at the thought that it might be Riggs.
But as soon as I feel it, I lose it because he won’t show up here.
We haven’t talked to each other since my little speech at his first game back, but I have been watching him from a distance.
Very stalker-like, honestly. Totally healthy and normal over here.
“I’ll get it.” I hear Jordan say before he walks out of the kitchen and over to the front door. Pulling it open, I hear a small gasp of surprise come out of his mouth.
Who is at the door?
I don’t hear what they’re saying because it sounds almost like a whisper between them. I wonder if Jordan finally has a date. Or maybe it really is Riggs, and he’s making him leave.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm my insides because I’m one butterfly away from flying off this couch. I’m so anxious.
“Reagan.” I hear Jordan say my name from behind the couch. I don’t remember hearing him walk over this way.
“Yeah?” I reply.
“You have a visitor. Should I let her in?” My brother has been amazing to me these last couple of weeks. Shockingly, he’s also been a good friend and teammate to Riggs. I told him not to hold all the things between us against him because he’s grieving and needs his team.
“Who is it?” I have no idea who would be visiting me. If it were Mack or my mom, they’d have just walked in the house without even knocking.
“I’ll go let her in, okay?” He’s already walking away to get the woman, and I didn’t answer whether I wanted to see her.
“Hi, Reagan. I hope it’s okay that I stopped by.” That voice. I know that voice.
As I stand from the couch and turn toward the door, I find Nora Hart staring back at me with a timid smile on her face. She looks better than when I saw her last, like she’s getting some sleep and there’s a little more life in her eyes.
“Of course, come sit down.” I gesture to her to walk in and join me on the couch, and she does, but first, she grabs me in a hug that almost unravels all the numb composure I’ve been trying to fake my way through.
We settle on the couch, and I lose the ability to speak. I think if one syllable leaves my lips, I’ll burst into tears. Not only over the fact that her son broke my heart but because I’m so sad that she had to lose Joel.
“How are you holding up, sweet girl?” Oh no, a few tears make themselves ready in my eyeballs, and I have to fight to get them to clear away before they fall.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” I ask back because the last thing I want to do is talk about myself.
She waves her hand, dismissing the idea. “Oh, I have so many people checking in on me and taking care of me. I’m doing just fine. It’s a journey I hoped I’d never have to go on, but that’s life and love. I miss my Joel, but he’s finding his way to be here with us.”
Us. Meaning her and Riggs. I don’t know what he’s told her, but I really hope that she doesn’t think I ghosted her son.
“Nora, I—” I start to defend myself to this amazing woman, but she interrupts me.
“Sweet girl, I know that your absence at my house has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my son and his way of dealing with grief. I promised I’d stay out of it, so I will.” I sag a little in relief at that.
“Why did you come here, then?” I don’t really mean to word it so harshly, but she smiles at me.
“I’m glad you asked. Of course, I wanted to check in on you, but I have something for you. Actually, it’s from Joel.”
I freeze at her words. “Joel left me something?” I met the man only a few times, and not enough to form a close relationship.
“Yes, he did.” She reaches into her purse on the floor and pulls out an envelope. When she hands it over to me, my hands are shaking as I try to take it from her.
“I’m confused,” I say because someone needs to make this make sense to me.
“Well, it seems my husband made a lot of preparations before he passed. Riggs received a box full of envelopes like this one. Letters that his daddy wrote for different life moments he was going to miss.” We both sniffle, and tears escape as I’m unable to fight them anymore.
“That is incredible. I’m glad that he left pieces for Riggs to keep in the future.” I mean that, wholeheartedly.
“Yes, it’s a tender mercy, for sure. But when I found the box, there was this letter on top, addressed to you.
I wanted to give it to you myself because whatever is in this is special and important.
My husband had the ability to quickly discern the character of people.
He thought very highly of you in the short time you spent together. ”
Now I’m crying. Nora comes to my side and hugs me to her, consoling me, while she is the grieving widow.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“Oh, sweet Reagan. Don’t you dare apologize. You are such a light, and Joel could see that, just as Riggs does.”
I don’t even speak to that because I don’t know if that’s true anymore.
“I’m not going to keep you, and I certainly won’t invade your privacy by having you share what’s in that letter with me. Knowing my Joel, I already have an idea. But please read it. And if I could ask one favor from you?”
“Anything, Nora.”
“Don’t give up on Riggs. He’s falling back into old habits; all he’s ever known to this point in life. He needs you, even if he’s fighting it.”
That is probably the one promise I wish I couldn’t keep. But my heart knows that it would wait for him, whether she asks me to or not.
I just nod because I can’t say the words out loud.
Nora gives me one more hug before we rise, and I walk her to the door.
Later that night, I am sitting on my bed staring at the envelope addressed to me like it’s going to burn me if I touch it. I have no idea what’s waiting for me in the letter, and as much as I’m scared, I’m also curious.
Taking a deep breath, I grab it off my bed, rip the top open, and pull the paper out. Unfolding it, I find the final words that Joel Hart has left me with.
Reagan,
I don’t know what you’re thinking as you open this letter. Hopefully, my son is beside you, and you can both laugh at his sappy dad. But if he’s not, please take these words to heart and let them guide your path with Riggs.
You, darling girl, have put the breath of life back into my son. He has spent the better part of the past year living in darkness and looming death. Even before that, basketball consumed his life. I haven’t seen him smile and truly live until he met you. For that, I will forever be grateful.”
I also want you to know that my death is going to be devastating for my wife. Riggs will be strong for her because she will need to lean on him. With that, I need you to do something for me, ok?
Don’t give up on my son. He’s going to push you away. He will try to carry this on his own because he wants to be the strong one. He will suffer in silence, and it will eat him alive. Give him grace, but don’t let him live in grief too long.
I have a feeling that whether you walk beside him during his grief or watch from the sidelines for a bit, he will find his way to you. What you two have is special, even an old dying man can see it.
I’m so grateful I could meet you and spend time with you before I leave. I know my wife and son are in good hands with your amazing family, and especially with you. You shine bright, Reagan. My son’s nickname for you is spot on. You’re sunshine to all around you.
Thank you, dear Reagan. For all you’ve done and all that you will do.
Joel Hart