30. The Lull
CHAPTER THIRTY
THE LULL
I tried to stay busy while I waited for Riel, but it was impossible to relax. First, I stared out the window for a while, as if I might be able to see him and Solois reflected in the mist outside. Then I picked up a book, but I gave up on that when I realized that I was two chapters in and didn’t remember a single word I’d read.
When a knock sounded, startling me from my thoughts, I abandoned the book of crossword puzzles I was working on and flew across the room to get the door. It was Riel, and a quick head-to-toe examination told me that he was unharmed. I sagged against the door in relief.
“Is everything okay?” I breathed.
“I would love to tell you ‘yes,’” Riel answered with a long-suffering sigh, shaking his head, “but I would be lying.”
“Come in, come in.” I stepped aside to give him room to enter. “I hope you didn’t get in too much trouble for taking me to Miderrum. I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal.”
“Nor did I. Normally, it wouldn’t have been a problem; it was unfortunate timing, but there was no way we could have known that.” Riel looked around my little room as if seeing it for the first time, and a crease appeared between his brows. “In any case… Neyes has betrayed us. They are being… returned to the land, as is the custom for traitors of that degree.”
“Uh…” The corners of my mouth turned down as I attempted to make sense of his words. “You don’t mean…”
“They will be left outside until dead.”
My hand flew to my mouth in shock.
“But that’s not all,” he continued, the corners of his lips turning down in a scowl. “I mentioned that we have an enemy, House Leimor. They are distantly related to our family, and they govern a province to the west, several days travel from here. We received word that they are on the way here with an army. Neyes was working with them, feeding them information and guiding our hands.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered. We have to evacuate. No, we can’t evacuate, what about Miderrum? And anyway, the castle has a wall. Walls are for defense, aren't they? We could barricade the doors, put the women and the children in the basement and then —fuck, the only things I knew about defending a castle were from Lord of the Rings . “H-how long do we have?”
“Until the morning. I’m working on a plan. I just need you to trust me.” Riel gave me a pointed look.
“Of course,” I said quickly. “Whatever you need, I’m there.”
“We’re going to stay out of the way and provide assistance where we can. It’s all we can do in the meantime, so don’t stress. How do you feel about cooking?”
Don’t stress… yeah, right. He had no idea… Did I hear that right?
“Cooking?” I frowned, having completely lost track of the conversation. “Whatever for?”
“We have allies coming from the west this afternoon, and more support from the city. There are going to be a lot more people around in the next few hours. The kitchen staff will be working hard to keep everyone fed, so they could use extra hands. If you’re comfortable sorting deliveries and preparing food, that should be a good place for you.”
A stampede of footsteps sounded from the other side of the door. Riel tensed and angled his body toward it as if prepared to fend someone off if they burst in on us. I took a wary step back.
“They’re not here already?” My voice rose with my nerves.
“No, no.” One of Riel’s ears twitched as the footsteps faded. He waited another moment before turning back to me. “I’m sorry. I’m just on edge. Let’s go.”
“Well, hang on,” I protested, putting my hands up. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else going on? How is your family taking all this?”
“Not well,” he admitted, dropping his gaze. “That’s why it’s best that we stay low.”
My eyes narrowed. “They don’t think we’re involved? America, I mean?”
Riel’s hesitation told me everything I needed to know. My heart sank.
“Oh. Oh, that’s bad.”
Overcome with the need to sit down, I swiveled around and made for the bed, collapsing on the mattress with an audible poof . Once I digested that information, I spoke again. “Does… does Vivian know? And George? If you’re going to war, they can help. They’ve got a ton of soldiers right across The Rift. I mean, I imagine they can help. There’s probably a lot of paperwork involved, but I know they take their relationship with you guys seriously?—”
“I appreciate it, Avery, more than you know, but you and I play small parts in all this.” Riel crossed the room to join me on the bed. He reached over and took one of my hands, wrapping it in his and setting it on his knee. I met his eyes and was distraught to see little but despondency there. Slowly, I extended my free hand to rest on his.
“So, there’s nothing we can do?” My voice came out a tortured whisper.
“Not right now. Just… getting things in order and waiting.”
We sat there for a few minutes in silence as we mulled things over. Well, I mulled things over. Sometimes, Riel was an open book. Other times, like now, I had no idea what he was thinking. Not for the first time in my life, I wished I had the power to read minds instead of healing people; it would have been useful right then. But if there were other ways that I could be useful, then so be it. I’d do whatever was asked of me.
“Okay,” I agreed eventually. “Let’s help out in the kitchen. But, um… when things start going down, keep me in the loop, yeah? I’m sure I can be useful. Like, I can heal soldiers and stuff. If I’m helping your cause, then they can’t think I’m a bad guy.”
Riel loosed a slow sigh. “If everything goes according to plan, you’ll be gone well before the fighting starts.” At my look of horror, he went wide-eyed and quickly amended his words. “I meant that you’d be someplace safe. If all else fails, I’ll get you back to The Rift.”
“Then what happens to you?” I demanded. Riel gave me a one-shoulder shrug.
“Let me worry about that,” he said lightly. Too lightly, given the gravity of the situation.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” I muttered under my breath as I slipped my hands out of his and got to my feet.
“I want to be many things for you, Avery.” Riel’s words made me jump. I didn’t think he’d be able to make out what I said. “But not death. Never death.”
“It’s a figure of speech,” I sighed, turning back to him. “You know, no one likes people who are intentionally difficult. It’s not cute.”
“Hm. Sounds like useful advice for a certain stubborn someone I know,” Riel teased, hopping to his feet. He slid an arm around my waist as he approached and pulled me in, lowering his head as he did so. I melted into his hold and let myself enjoy the kiss, grateful for the brief reprieve. When he started to pull away, I wrapped my arms around his neck and went in for round two, making his eyes pop open in surprise.
“For good luck,” I whispered with a smile as I released him .
“In that case, maybe we should do it once more?” Riel suggested.
Laughing, I pinched his arm. “How about after we survive the impending war?”
“As if the stakes weren’t high enough,” Riel quipped as we made our way to the door.
The kitchen buzzed with movement as people rushed to prepare what they could. Riel and I jumped in right away, with some direction from Juris, the head chef. Multiple deliveries arrived from Miderrum—fresh fruits and vegetables, cheeses, nuts, sacks of grains, etcetera. It was enough food to feed… well, an army. We sorted through it all, restocking the kitchen and washing the fruits and vegetables in some kind of preservative soap.
As we worked, the kitchen staff baked, put aside legumes to soak, and took a large portion of the fruits and vegetables to dry, pickle, or make into jams. At some point, one of the cooks deposited freshly baked massiya in our hands as they dashed past. I ate the savory pastry with great enthusiasm, burning my mouth in the process but regretting nothing.
I estimated that it had only been a couple of hours before someone came charging in with news. Riel informed me that their cousin from the west had arrived with reinforcements. My understanding was that they had a smaller territory in that other House’s path, so they’d had to evacuate anyway, and figured they would be safe combining forces with ours. But I didn’t pretend to know how any of this worked.
Juris got to work right away to make something for the newcomers. I wondered how things would change with them around. It would be harder for me to stay out of the way, but it shouldn’t be for long. Normal wars could drag on, but magic ones? I couldn’t imagine them digging trenches and lobbing lightning back and forth at each other for weeks on end.
As the day dragged on, I tried to focus on the tasks at hand and not lose myself to depressing thoughts. There was plenty to keep us busy, so it wasn’t too difficult. When we went outside to gather what remained of the crops there, we saw several workers who were doing something with the walls—fortifying them, perhaps?—as well as multiple large groups running drills in the fields, some mounted on avida in matching leather armor.
As we sorted and washed and gathered and sorted some more, I envied Riel for the way he showed no signs of exhaustion. By that point, I was drenched in sweat and felt as though my arms were overcooked noodles. We were heading back inside with several baskets full of herbs when I thought to ask, “Wasn’t there anything more… I don’t know, impactful for you to do? Not that this isn’t also important, but… I’m surprised you aren’t working with the soldiers or something.”
“I volunteered for this,” Riel admitted. “I’m not much of a fighter. Honestly, I’m more suited to diplomacy and kitchen work than anything else. I can’t remember the last time I participated in strategy training. It was never important for me, as the Second.”
“Oh, I see. So, a younger sibling perk.”
Riel was taken aback by my comment. “I’m not sure how many would see it as a perk,” he said slowly. “But yes, I always had fewer responsibilities.”
“Well, I’m glad they let you be my teacher.” I offered him a hesitant smile.
“I am as well.” Riel returned it. “We’ve always believed that the Goddess has a plan for Her people. I didn’t think… well, a few months ago, it was difficult to see where my life was heading. I’m glad that things turned out the way they did.”
“So am I. It’s been fun.” That was putting it lightly. “Well, everything except for literally dying to fix my magic. I could think of some other, less positive adjectives for that.”
At Riel’s cringe, I added, “I know, I know, that wasn’t your idea.”
“I don’t like to remember it,” he confessed. “Even with Seersthri’s assurances, it was a terrifying experience. All I could think was that you weren’t going to wake up, and your death was my fault for letting you attempt it.”
My heart swelled with sympathy at his admission. Although I didn’t regret deciding to do the manaviri , I did maybe feel a little guilty about the way I’d bullied Riel into it.
“I appreciated you being there. Having someone I lo—um, someone I care about there made it a little less scary. A lot less scary, really. I don’t think I could have done it without you.” I couldn’t believe the L-word had nearly come out of my mouth. It was still too soon for that, wasn’t it? My eyes scanned the floor, the walls, the windowsills—anywhere but Riel’s face.
“I would not have let you do it alone,” Riel responded softly.
A lump formed in my throat as it occurred to me yet again that this was temporary. Luckily, I was distracted from that line of thinking when we arrived back at the kitchens. The sense of urgency had begun to dwindle. We bundled the herbs and hung them up with others to dry, then stowed the freshly jarred goods the kitchen staff had prepared.
At that point, Riel suggested we go see if our hands were needed anywhere else. That was how we ended up carting equipment around during the evening hours. We fetched sets of spare armor from storage, dusted them off, and set them down to air out. Riel let me practice mending on some damaged pieces, and then he forced me to take a break, and I provided moral support while he put together a small mountain of arrows. They didn’t use weapons in close-range combat—magic, after all—but bows were fair game. And one could never have enough arrows .
When the sun began to slip over the horizon, we had a handsome pile of supplies ready for our soldiers to make use of. I stood tall and beamed with pride as we made our way back to the kitchens for the evening meal. We passed by several groups of soldiers in the castle’s stiff, white armor leaving the dining hall. When I walked into the kitchen, Riel on my heels, my optimism faded at the sight of Solois eating at the prep table where we usually took our meals. A sideways glance in Riel’s direction told me that he was equally excited to see his brother.
“Astonriel, Avery,” Solois greeted us both in a tone that was borderline jovial. “Come, join me for the evening meal.”
“Do we have a choice?” I asked Riel in what I thought was a whisper. Solois’s answering grin reminded me that I’d forgotten how keen the fae’s senses were. I settled for taking a seat on the far end of the bench and kept an eye on Solois as Riel went to get us some dinner.
“Thank you for your help today,” he said, sounding genuine. I blinked in surprise.
“You’re welcome,” I replied cautiously. “Glad I could be useful.”
“Mm.”
The sound of agreement he made was so like Riel that I suddenly saw the family resemblance. His features were still harsher, of course, edgier and more mature, but the shape of the eyes was the same. And maybe the point of his chin too. He wasn’t at all unfortunate-looking… which stung, given that he had the personality of a stinky sock.
Riel appeared to my left, placing a plate with bean salad in front of me as he sat. “I assume preparations are going well on your end,” he commented in a conversational tone, though he held himself with a vigilant sort of stiffness.
“They are,” Solois agreed, scraping the sides of his bowl with his spoon. “Come what may, we will be as ready as we can be. ”
“That’s good,” I spoke up. “Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.”
He gave me what I presumed to be his version of an actual smile, a little rough around the edges but close to being friendly. “Everything is in order,” he replied. “Just get some rest tonight, both of you. We will need to be refreshed for the fight.”
“Do we have a strategy?” Riel asked.
“Well, it would have been handy to have a seer.” Solois relaxed back in his seat. “As it stands, the plan is to meet them on the road. We will have room to maneuver but can fall back if need be. Archers will be posted westward, to have the wind on their side. Menders will remain within the walls. Mother and Father will be leading the charge, of course, and you and I will provide support. Father hopes we will have a chance to negotiate before the fighting starts, but we’ll need to be ready for anything.”
A little gasp escaped me. I covered it up with a mouthful of food and chewed furiously. I didn’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that the family themselves would be in the thick of it. I guess I had pictured them shouting orders from the throne room. Was it going to be dangerous? How could it not be? I should have asked more questions.
As if knowing exactly where my mind had gone, Riel dropped a hand under the table to give my knee a reassuring squeeze.
“I’ll be there,” he said. I shot him a panicked look. Maybe he groped me for an unrelated reason, then—he didn’t seem to understand where my thoughts were at all.
Solois pushed his empty bowl aside and got to his feet. “Good. Then I’ll see you on the battlefield. Don’t get distracted, little brother,” he responded, the corner of his lips curving in a barely disguised smirk. With that, he headed for the exit, purposely taking the longer route around the table so that he brushed my arm on the way out. I made a face at his retreating form before turning back to the table .
“I’ll be careful,” Riel promised before I could say anything.
“I know you will.” I set my spoon down by my half-finished meal.
I hesitated to voice my concerns, knowing that there wasn’t anything I could say that would make a difference. He probably felt that he had to be there. He knew I’d worry for him, but that didn’t change anything. And he would do his best to stay safe whether I told him to or not. Releasing a sorrowful sigh, I slipped off the bench. “Sorry, I’m not that hungry.”
Riel quickly shoveled several large bites into his mouth and pushed the bench back as he stood. “I’ll walk you to your room,” he offered after a painful-looking swallow. He plucked my bowl from my hands and collected his and Solois’s to add to the stack for the dishwasher.
We left the kitchen together, walking at a slow pace so as to savor the last few peaceful moments we had. As we passed the windows that looked over the fields, I could see that there were still groups of soldiers out there. Would they get any sleep tonight? My thoughts strayed to those who would be in the thick of it. It felt wrong to stay here, safe behind walls, while others went out to fight and possibly die. Is there nothing more I can do?
Unfortunately, my room wasn’t far, and we were there before I knew it. I hesitated at the door. Riel couldn’t stay with me tonight, not with things the way they were. But the anxious part of me was terrified that this would be the last time I ever saw him, and no matter how much I tried to push those thoughts away, they pursued me with a vengeance.
“Get some sleep,” Riel murmured, reaching up to caress my arm. He stood a little closer than what would be considered proper, but I didn’t have the heart to put more space between us. If someone saw us together, they would just have to deal with it. I looked up at his face, intent on burning his features into my mind, and my vision started to become blurry.
“Crap,” I hissed, raising a hand to brush away the tears before they had the chance to fall. “Sorry, I was trying not to get all emotional.”
“It’s fine.”
The softness in Riel’s voice only made it worse. I huffed a rueful laugh.
“Will I see you again in the morning?” My voice came out embarrassingly small.
Riel hesitated to answer. “We likely won’t have much notice. If I have to rush out…”
“Yeah, of course,” I said quickly, feeling silly. “Don’t worry about it. Um… yeah.”
The words I really wanted to say didn’t make it out. Even if the situation sort of called for it, it was too early to be professing my love for him. And everything else had already been said. I settled for, “I guess… you get some sleep too, then. In case I don’t see you, be safe.”
We stayed there for a moment. I could only imagine how ridiculous the two of us might have appeared to onlookers—lovers acting like friends, standing around awkwardly because they didn’t want to leave things the way they were but were too hesitant to embrace.
“All right, good night, then,” I finally exclaimed, not wanting to hold him up any longer.
“Good night,” Riel replied quietly.
I offered him one final smile before entering my bedroom. As the door began to swing shut, he stayed put, watching me in return. I drank in the sight freely, right up until the moment the wood grain cut off my view of him and the door latched. Then I stood there for a long while, my gaze fixed on the closed door, hands clenched at my sides. The tears at last began to fall.
Leaving him alone on the other side was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.