Chapter 5
‘So Alice, what was the prom like?’
‘It was good. It was fun. I can’t stay long tonight, Mr Kynaston.’
Wilder nodded. ‘Of course. Have another sip of rye.’
‘No, thank you.’
‘What’s up, Alice? You don’t seem yourself.’
She met his gaze. ‘ I have of late – but wherefore I know not – lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises; and, indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. ’
Wilder swallowed the rest of his drink, watching her. He was silent for a moment, before lightly tapping the rim of the tumbler with his fingers, then, moving his fingers to his pad, he scrabbled for his pen. His eyes did not leave her face. ‘Very good. I see. Did you drink alcohol at the prom?’
She hesitated. ‘Yes.’
‘Ah.’ The pen scribbled across the pad; his eyes briefly breaking contact with hers. ‘I won’t say a word. Who gave it to you?’
‘Not my date.’
‘I forget who your date was – the Maynard kid?’
‘No, he –’ Alice looked down, batting away an idea of Jack Maynard in his tux, his wild, floppy blond hair, his dark velvet eyes, his unhappiness. ‘No, he’s not at school now, remember? I went with Frank Logan.’
‘Some extra unsolicited information; excellent. The Logans, the very definition of upstanding citizens. Did anything interesting happen at the prom? By which I mean, did anyone disgrace themselves, was the band good, did a student misbehave, and so forth?’
‘Carly Gianotti kissed the Math teacher,’ said Alice. She shrugged. ‘She’s wanted to forever. They don’t know, at the school. So don’t tell anyone.’
‘I will not betray Carly Gianotti’s secrets,’ he said, in a tone she found patronizing. ‘What’s he called, this teacher?’
Alice shrugged.
‘Okay. And Jack Maynard … you know you always pause when you mention his name. Have you noticed that? I presume not.’
‘I don’t think that’s relevant.’
Wilder poured himself another whiskey. He chewed his lip again, and leaned forward. ‘But it is, Alice. Under the terms of our agreement it is. May I ask, since we’re talking frankly, why you’re restricting your replies to me?’
Alice let her hands drop to her lap. ‘I suppose I wonder when the deal is up. When you have enough information.’
‘I didn’t realize you were so keen for it to end.’
‘You think it’s my choice to be here? I think you’re forgetting the terms of our deal. You wouldn’t kick my mom and me out of the gatehouse, if I let you suck my brain dry.’
‘Your father always said you minded about fairness.’ He worked his teeth over the flesh inside his bottom lip, watching her, his jaw moving back and forth. ‘Okay. I see. It’s fair enough. You’re finished. I understand.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to know how much longer.’
‘Don’t you like coming here?’
‘I used to.’ She looked out the window, on to the porch.
‘You don’t ever lie, do you? It’ll get you into trouble, Alice.
Listen, I’m not sure how useful it is for me to talk to you much longer anyway.
You’re clever, as you must know, but lately there’s a lack of – of freshness about you.
Perhaps I need some girl from the Midwest who’s never even seen a city.
I’m very grateful to you – but let’s wind it down, shall we? ’
She hated him all of a sudden. The hours she’d spent in that room, wasted hours, giving him her stories, when she could have been reading or bicycling into town to see Dolores or studying … studying for college. She had given herself away, the best part of herself, and for what?
She shrugged. ‘I’ll give you the answers you want.
Carly Gianotti kissed Mr Fernandez. In the janitor’s closet.
She has the key. Frank Logan was my date, and he’s an ass.
Mr Collins from Pride and Prejudice , only without the charm.
He drank too much whiskey – he had a hipflask with him – and tried to kiss me.
The prom itself wasn’t much fun. I couldn’t …
’ Her voice was thick, for she knew he would get it, would understand, and she hated him for that too.
‘I couldn’t seem to enjoy myself. It all seemed so fake.
So silly , when there’s kids dying in Vietnam and we’re all hurtling toward war and death is all around us.
These girls getting hysterical about their boutonnières and what guy …
Why do they have some idea of the perfect guy?
What’s the point?’ She could hear her voice getting louder.
‘With broad shoulders and a lock of hair that falls in his face and – and a nice house and … I don’t know, kind eyes and a soft voice.
Who likes the same books you do, Lord of the Rings , and – and so – so forth.
’ She trailed off. ‘All this is – it’s crap, that’s what it is! ’
Wilder lowered his drink, and for the first time ever eyed her with sympathy. ‘Oh, kid,’ he said. ‘You’ve got it bad, haven’t you? Forget about him.’
‘I –’ she began.
‘I mean it. Think about the future. What comes next. College! I heard – is it true? I heard you hadn’t applied to college this year.’
‘Nope.’
‘Why not, may I ask?’
‘I should have. But I didn’t. So I’m staying home with Mom. Just Mom and me. I’ll get a job; we’ll move out; you’ll be free of us.’
‘Is that what you want?’
Alice shrugged again.
‘Is that what your mom wants? I don’t think so, judging from what she says.’
‘When have you spoken to my mother about it?’
‘We’re friends,’ Mr Kynaston said. ‘Betsy is worried about you. She wants you to be happy. You should be going to drive-ins. Dancing with boys in the moonlight and accepting roses and having poems written about you … You should think about college, Alice – isn’t there someone you can ask for help?’
‘No one,’ she said.
‘I bet that’s not true. But, then again –’ He was staring at her. ‘Perhaps you’d be happier staying here. Perhaps college isn’t right for you. Hmm?’
The rank hypocrisy of what he was saying was so obvious she didn’t know how to point it out without being rude.
So Alice stood up. She remembered how it felt to walk away from the prom, walk into the night and leave it behind.
How it was allowed to shake Frank’s hand, to say, ‘Thank you for a pleasant evening, I’ll walk home,’ to insist on that, how it was allowed.
How you didn’t actually have to do what people wanted sometimes.
‘But how will you get home?’ Frank had said, eyes wide with disgruntled irritation.
She’d nodded at a dark, lounging figure waiting in the driveway, alone among the couples walking down the drive, arms around each other, the guys nodding at one another, the girls calling out shrill farewells to their friends.
‘Dolores has come to pick me up.’ She’d raised her hand at Dolores, who jangled the keys to her mother’s pick-up truck, and called out to her.
‘Allie! You ready to go?’
And now Alice could hear her voice again, calling. She shrugged on her jacket.
‘Hey – Mr Kynaston. I think you have enough material from me. I have to go now. I think that, yep, it’s best this is the last time. Thank you for the whiskey and thank you for everything.’
She caught a fleeting glimpse of his face, the surprise on it and then the understanding smile.
‘You’re making a dramatic exit,’ he called. ‘I get it, I know. You want me to say that the book won’t be finished without you.’
‘It’s nothing to do with you,’ she said. ‘Thank you very much.’ She leaned over toward his chair and held out her hand. He took it, stroking her palm with his middle finger, and she jumped.
‘Goodbye, Mr Kynaston,’ she called, and she closed the door gently behind her. And that, she told herself, was that.
Teddy was sitting on the porch, and when Alice walked past she saw her and sat with her a while. She didn’t say much, just sat with her. Once, Teddy leaned over and patted her hand. ‘ Ravenoose ,’ she said quietly.
I think you’ve made a mistake, Alice my dear.
‘I know I have,’ Alice said. ‘I just can’t see what it is. But I’ve screwed up. I can see that.’
I adored college. It got me away from here. Important, I think, to get away from here. While you can.
Teddy made a noise of distress. She tugged at Alice’s hand. Alice pulled away. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I think it’s too late for that.’