Chapter 33
Fall Out
Levi
My drunkenness has worn off. After taking a slow ride on the sober train for the last forty-five minutes and plowing through water bottle after water bottle, I feel better.
It's time to start again. I spot Spencer and Maddie over by the booze. I do a quick scan for Scarlett, but no such luck. “Hey guys, how’s it going? Where is Letty?” Maddie looks at Spencer and back at me.
“I took her home, she said she wanted to leave; she was really upset.” I feel every muscle in my body tense. My eyes grow wide as I clench down on my jaw, hard.
“What the fuck, guys, she's been drinking, she can’t be home alone. I gotta go.” I turn around and run to my car. Following behind me, Spencer is chasing after me.
The ride home is silent; all I can feel is tension. What if Grant got home early? What if he beat her, or is beating her, and now I have Spencer with me? Fuuuuuuccck, this is not fucking good.
Flying into the driveway, I haul ass inside, my feet hardly catching up with each step my legs force them to make. Spencer is on my tail, running up just as fast. He looks terrified.
We open her bedroom door, and the desk is a mess, shit is all over the floor.
The bathroom light is on, my heart is hammering out of my chest, my muscles are so tense, my veins are popping out of my forearms. I try the handle, but it’s locked.
“Scarlett?” I yell into the door. Spencer is pacing the bedroom floor, damn near wearing a hole in it.
“Scarlett, open the door.” Spencer looks as if he is going to explode in anger or fright.
He steps over and bangs his fists on the door, hard.
“SCAR! DON’T YOU DARE. DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” What the fuck is he talking about? What is going on? He nods his head, and we run to my room, busting open the bathroom door.
Scarlett sits on the floor, her back against her bathroom door. With a lighter, she shot out flames, burning the skin on her thigh.
My heart stops.
The air has left my body, and I can no longer breathe.
What is she doing? Why is she hurting herself?
I feel my jaw clenching so tightly my teeth could shatter.
Spencer is walking over to Scarlett, as tears pour from her red-rimmed eyes.
Her chest is soaked from fallen tears now glistening in the bathroom light.
Her legs are red, and her thighs bear both old and new burns.
How long? What the fuck? Spencer sits with his hand out, silently pleading for the lighter, as a tear rolls from his eyes.
He knew. He fucking knew. He said, Don’t you dare…
HE FUCKING KNEW. I was pissed, I was more than pissed, I was livid.
My body was vibrating with anger, seething with rage.
My voice cracks as my eyes stay glued on the inside of her thighs, red and swollen.
“HOW LONG?” My voice is stern; I want to scream, yell, and break everything in my grasp.
She shakes her head. “NO, we are talking right fucking now. How fucking long have you been hurting yourself? When I—” Rage courses through me.
“I have spent my entire life protecting you from harm, and you are harming yourself. Tell me, right fucking now, how long?” Tears stream from her eyes, snot pouring from her nose.
“Since Mom killed herself!” she yelled. Now hyperventilating.
I go to yell back, but Spencer puts his hand up.
Stopping me from raging against my sister, who is broken.
Who is shattered into a million pieces on this floor.
I look at him, with fire in my eyes, my lip curls up, feeling the animosity grow the longer my eyes sink into his.
“You. You fuckin knew she was doing this. You knew and you didn’t tell me!
You didn’t think this was something you fucking tell someone?
!” My words slice him with venom. He stands up, holding up his hands in defeat.
My heart beating out of my chest, blood coursing through my veins, making me vibrate with absolute hostility.
“I caught her a few months back. You were at practice, and Grant just stormed out.
I wanted to make sure she was okay, I snuck into her window, and I caught her.
She begged me not to tell you; she told me she wouldn't do it again.” Spencer looks down at Scarlett, who is motionless on the floor.
Her eyes stared at the wall in front of her.
I take a step closer to Spencer. I want to beat him into the fucking floor; I want to beat all his teeth in and make him bleed. “I want to hit you so fucking bad.” I curl my fists, getting ready to lay him the fuck out.
I’m trying to hold my temper, I’m trying to understand his side, but fuck, I can’t right now. I am fuming with the betrayal from my sister and my best friend.
Scarlett looks up and yells, “stop, please stop. He wanted to tell you, but I wouldn’t let him.
I knew it would break you. But I do what has always been done to me, and I break people, that’s all I know.
” She looks at the wall in a void of emotions, tears no longer falling.
“I want to be strong, but I’m weak.” She whispers, “I want to be loved, but I’m unlovable.
” She doesn't even blink as the words fall from her mouth.
“Sometimes I beg the fire to take me, to engulf me and burn me like everyone else has.” I fall to the floor, putting my hands on her cheeks, wrapping her into me as she breathes heavily.
“I am sorry, Levi. I am sorry I broke you when all you have done is save me.
I am sorry, you couldn't save me from myself.” As the words fall from her lips, I lose it.
I hold her in my arms, and I cry over her, wishing I could take away her pain, her anger, wishing I could kill everyone who has wronged her.
My breath hitches, and I try to speak, but no words will come out.
They are stuck in my throat, being choked by my broken heart.
Spencer moves in, grabs her hand, and looks at me before looking back down at her. “I love you, Scarlett.” She rips her hand from his hold. What the fuck? I take a stand, as does Scarlett—the first notion of feeling crashes across her face.
“NO! You do not get to say that. You do not get to come in here and pretend you care. I was naive, I’ll admit. Poor me, a girl who was so damn eager to be loved, I believed you when you said you cared, that you wanted to be with me!” Her voice is rising, as is my fucking heart rate.
“What the fuck? You tried to fuck my sister!?” He starts backing up, opening the door to Scarlett's room, giving us all more space, giving him more space to evade my incoming punch. I throw a punch, but he dodges it. Scarlett steps in between us, and I freeze.
“You were supposed to tell him, but you didn’t.
Instead, you used me and got what you wanted.
Got a taste of me and then got a taste of Ashley too!
” I take another step. A TASTE?! Scarlett’s hand comes up on my chest, pushing me back as she stalks toward him like an animal about to devour their prey.
“I saw you. She was sitting on your lap with your hands on her hips. I fucking saw you!” She is yelling now, a sight I have never seen.
She backs Spencer up. “You can say anything you want right now, but I won’t believe you, because up until now, everything has been a lie. EVERYTHING.”
Spencer sits on the bed, holding up his hands.
“Let me explain, and if you feel like you need to beat my ass after, I’ll take it, I’ll take all of your rage if I have to, Scar.
” Scarlett stands with her arms crossed.
I make eye contact with her, and she shrugs.
I nod at him to continue, but so help me if he says one thing sexual about my sister, I am going to maul his ass.
“My feelings started when I started training Scarlett.
Yeah, I always thought she was cute, but there's that whole 'bro code' thing. I trained her, looked out for her; I did what you asked me to do. At first, it was simple. As my best friend's sister, of course, I’d look out for her and help her grow into a strong woman. If she wanted to learn how to fight, I wanted to teach her. Then, as training continued and our time together increased, so did my feelings. We both held off for a long time, but eventually we reached a point where we no longer wanted to stop. I was going to tell you about it at the last away game, first on the bus, where we got interrupted by my team talk, then after the game. However, you went out and went balls to the wall, then slept the entire ride home. Every single time I wanted to talk to you about it, something came up… Looking back, I could have tried harder. I could have taken the time to sit you down and tell you, but truthfully, I was scared. I was teetering between two best friends, both of whom I love; I just love them differently. I feared that if I told you, I would lose you, and ultimately lose Scarlett too. I know how this looks, man, and I never meant to go behind your back or fall for your sister, but I did.” He takes a big breath and looks at Scarlett.
“Scar, I am sorry for what happened tonight.
I don't know what Ashley was doing. She came over to me and sat on my lap, saying we should hook up. I grabbed her and moved her off me. I told her no, I was with someone, and she got mad and stormed off. Jessica had told her I was fair game.” A shock runs through me.
I shake my head, “Yeah, it could be partially my fault. When Jess and I were sleeping together, we thought it would be fun to set you up with Ashley since I have never seen you with a girl before. I didn’t know about this.” Spencer shakes his head.