Chapter 35
Not Goodbye
Scarlett
Waking up in Spencer’s bed was a peace I never knew.
Yet, here I am, leaving it. It’s time for me to find strength within myself, to become who I need to be, and give to others what they have given to me.
Strength is walking out of this room, leaving behind the one person who has ever truly loved me, but I love him enough to know I am not ready.
Sliding out of bed was nerve-racking; I knew if I woke him, he would beg me to stay for five more minutes, and it was time for me to leave.
Ever so quietly, I step down the stairs, my footsteps light like feathers, holding my breath firmly until I reach the bottom.
Just when I thought I was in the clear, Mrs. Collins snuck around the banister with a coffee cup in hand.
“Good morning, sweetheart. Why don't you sneak into the back yard and tell me why you're sneaking out of my house at five in the morning?” She smiles, taking my arm and guiding me to the back patio.
The moment my ass hits the lawn chair, I tell the poor woman everything.
Well, I did leave out that my father beats me, and the fact that her son and I took each other's virginities last night, but everything else comes out easily. “I love him, I do. I just have to figure out how to love myself before I can truly love him.” Anna wipes a tear from her eye. “Please don’t cry.” Patting me on the leg, she leans forward.
“Sweetie, are you talking to someone? Without risk of overstepping, I would like to make you an open offer. I’d be happy to listen to you; I am a therapist, after all.
Given that you don’t typically go to one, it makes me believe there is a reason, and whatever that reason may be, I am here, free of charge and completely confidential.
I promise I won’t judge you, sweetheart.
I love you like my own, and it pains me to see you this way, and I want you to know— I want to help you.
” She doesn’t even know half of it, and she won’t.
But what other option do I have? If I tell the school counselor, they will tell Grant due to the self-harm involved.
I can't pay one because Grant will see the charge on our cards.
It would have to be cash, but what clinic would do it under the table? This is my best choice.
I take a deep breath, thinking through what I would be doing. After reviewing it in my head, I agree. “Okay, when do we start?” She stands up.
“Let’s do it every Tuesday. Spencer has conditioning and practice, late nights, and David has work meetings until five. Let’s plan on four?” I give her a grateful smile and walk home as she disappears back into the house.
Sneaking inside the same way Spencer sneaks in, I close my window quietly and lie in bed, waiting for sleep to find me. Having stayed up to three a.m. only to sneak out at five, it didn’t leave me much time for much sleep.
Once sleep finally comes, it keeps me in its hold for half the day, until Levi storms into my room, waking me from my much-needed slumber.
“Letty, wake up.” I rub my eyes and sit up, finding his blurry figure on the edge of my bed.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I sit up, finding my bearings.
“I got a side job; I’m going to start working extra to save money so we can get out of here.” I smile at his eagerness.
“That’s great, I am happy for you, where are you?” His smile grows, showing all his pearly teeth, as he stands up with his hands on his hips.
“Next door, I am going to work on Mr. Collin’s cars when they need maintenance." He still stands like a superhero, completely proud of himself, as he should be.
“Good job! Anna has offered to give me off-the-record therapy sessions every Tuesday. I think it would be the best bet, because no office would accept under-the-table cash, and the school will likely inform Grant. I just have to figure out how to pay her, anyway. How was Maddie last night? You two better?” He smirks and nods his head.
“You told me you didn’t want to know about much, but it's great, I like her… and don’t worry about paying Anna, I’ll ask David if I can do the work for free, I can add on lawn work and snow removal as well.
Get dressed, and let’s get food. Grant doesn't have shit in the cupboards.” Sliding out of bed, I walk into the bathroom,
“Thank you, I can help with lawn work and shoveling!” I leave Levi on the corner of my bed.
When I go to close the door, he yells, “The door stays open!” Poking my head out of the bathroom, he smiles at me.
“Umm, no, you're going to hear me pee, or shit, or something, absolutely not.” I go to close the door again, and he stands up.
“Scarlett Elaine!” I stop and side-eye him.
“Levi Robert!” I burst out laughing because our great-grandparents' names just entered the chat. “Keep grandma and grandpa's names out of your nonsense. I just have to pee.”
He groans and walks over. “Fine, BUT I am going to stand right here, the entire time, and if I feel the need to, I will in fact put my ear to this door and listen wholeheartedly to every shit that hits that water, if I think for one moment, it has been too long. Capeesh?” His eyes are dead serious.
I nod because, in the end, I did this. I sat in here last night, and I broke his heart.
After getting ready, I step out of the bathroom, and sure enough, Levi is standing there with his back against the wall, on his phone. “I’m ready.” I push his phone into his face, making him roll his eyes.
“Let's gooooooo.” I start down the stairs and jump into his driver's seat.
Starting the car, I look down and notice a black hair tie stuck between the seat and the center console.
I pull it out from its wedged location, and when my hand finally gets hold, I pull it up.
Shock stuns me. Levi rounds the corner, jumping into the passenger seat.
“LEVI!” I threw the thong at his head, “I said I didn’t want to hear about anything, and I sure as shit don’t want to see any evidence of it either!
” He balls up the thong and laughs hysterically, “Levi! This is no joke; it is not even remotely amusing. I thought it was a hair tie.” He opens the glove box and sets the used underwear inside, as if it were an important document.
“That’s where they went, thanks, Letty, she’ll be happy to have those back.” He winks at me, and he actually thinks this is funny. Instantly, my but shoots off the seat, holding myself up with one hand on the door and one on the center console.
“Levi, is this seat contaminated?” Throwing his head back, he laughs. He leans forward, trying his best to compose himself.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t really want to know the answer to, but if it makes you feel better, yes, it probably is.” Throwing himself back into his seat, he laughs insensibly.
Heading to the diner for a quick breakfast. Levi orders the two-egg omelet with a side of toast and two slices of bacon, with an orange juice. My eyes grow, and he chuckles. “I worked up an appetite last night.”
The waitress looks at me, awaiting my order.
Honestly, I am starving. “I’ll have the same thing as him.
” He looks at me with wide eyes, “What? I worked up an appetite, too.” With that, I walk away knowing I have just made him as uncomfortable as I am.
Sucker, two can play this game. Taking the booth next to a table full of women, Levi walks over with his lips pressed firmly together, carrying our orange juices.
He sets the juices down, holding onto both of them, before looking me in the eyes.
“Scarlett, that was not cool. You just did me dirty.” I go to grab my juice, and he scoots it away.
“Not as dirty as finding Spencer's boxers tucked between your seats. Unlike you two heathens, we clean up after our—” The waitress sets our food down as Levi’s face remains in a state of complete and utter shock. “Not so funny, is it?”
Shaking his head in disbelief, we eat our food and make small talk until we hear the women at the other table chatting.
“... Dating this traffic cop has really done wonders for me, ladies. I have gotten pulled over twice and no ticket, you know I have a lead foot.” She chuckles to herself.
Levi and I make eye contact; sibling intuition allows us to read each other's thoughts without needing to say a word.
We continued eating and eavesdropping… “He just moved here; his wife had a tragic car accident, leaving him a widower.” All the women around the table gasped and shared sympathetic looks for the poor widow.
One of the ladies asks for ‘this hunk's name’. The woman takes a sip of her mimosa before Grant’s name falls from her mouth.
I watch Levi’s reaction, his jaw clenching, his eyes grow with outrage.
His fist clenched around his fork, making his knuckles whiten like snow.
My eyes beg with him to forget it, to leave it be.
Don’t fail me now, intuition. His anger prevails over my pleas, as he stands up and turns to the table next to ours.
He stands tall, “Ma’am, you seem like a genuine person.
But please let me give you some insight: stay away from Grant.
He is not a good man; he is not who he will lead you to believe he is.
Leave before it’s too late.” Without allowing her to respond, he turns back to our table, sets a tip down, and then nods at me to follow him.
I do just that, because I’d follow my brother anywhere, after all, he walks with me through hell.
The car ride is quiet. We hit two more stores before heading home, and in that time, his rage boiling, his foot presses harder on the gas, his shifts become more forceful.
The amount of chiefed cigarettes and the way he grips the steering wheel answer all the questions I have.
“Levi, I–” His palm hits the steering wheel.