Chapter 44
Unselfish Love
Scarlett
Walking out of Spencer’s house felt like walking into hell. The ground burned beneath the soles of our feet with each step we took. The only thing that makes this hell worthwhile is that Levi is with me every step.
With my personal growth, I feel more like a warrior entering battle than a damsel in distress.
Since I started my training with Spencer, Levi and I have become closer, in a brother-sister way, rather than him playing the role of father and saving me at every turn.
In my growth, he grew too; it has been astonishing to watch him bloom when I released him from my hold.
My need for him was like a downpour; I was slowly drowning him. Flowers need water, yes, but too much will kill them. I saw what my downpour was doing to him, and now he’s stronger than ever.
As Spencer said, I left the phone on. I wondered if he was listening to every step we took toward the house where the monster roamed, and the darkness took over.
Is he waiting for the sound of the door to close?
Is he pacing his floor, wondering what Grant will do or say, wondering what he will hear?
He kissed me and promised me he would protect me from Grant, his boot, and his hands. The truth is, as sweet as it sounded, that isn’t reality. My reality is walking through this oak door into the unknown and praying like hell we survive.
Survival, that is all we feel within these walls.
War is what we expect when we enter into it.
At any given moment, the home could be taken over by him, the man who is supposed to love us most. I like to think my heart is made of armor, because the truth is, it was broken so long ago.
My perspective shifted to the notion that no man could break my heart, because my father had broken it long ago.
Now that I have Spencer, the thought of him leaving or being hurt in this mess of a life I live is catastrophic. My heart broke when my father looked me in the eye and told me he hated me, then used the same hand that I once held to beat me to the ground.
Spencer took my broken heart and mended it with love and compassion.
He put it back together effortlessly, with no space left empty, no crack visible, no hurt, because his love is that powerful.
The thought of him being caught in this mayhem would shatter my heart; there would be no way to put that damage back together - it would be as good as ashes.
Placing my phone in my pocket, Levi opens the front door. We knew Grant was home; the truck was parked in disarray, revealing his state of mind. He’s drunk. Somehow, this motherfucker always makes it home. How does he always make it?
Pushing open the front door, Levi makes his way in first, leading the way, just as the front lineman leads their men into battle.
He stands strong, shoulders back, neck stiff, ready for anything that may come his way.
What he doesn’t see behind him is my stance now matching his.
I am strong, standing tall, with not an ounce of terror rushing through my body.
In this moment, if I go down, I will go down fighting, because damn, do we have something to fight for? We have a family.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Grant scoffs, turning towards Levi and me as we walk through the living room, trying our best to make it to the stairs without shots being fired.
“You’ve been gone for two nights. Are the Collins’ giving you the love you think you deserve?
Are they treating you kindly? Do they make you smile and feel happy?
Come on, tell me.” His words are coarse, slicing through his tight lips, as he snarls.
Levi shakes his head, looking at me, with a shit eating grin that I know is going to piss Grant off.
“Yeah, you hit the nail on the head there, Grant.” Levi’s voice is strong, honest, without remorse for our truth. Grant jumps from his chair, kicking it back with his leg. Oh great, here comes a damn tantrum.
Levi stands taller, planting his feet on the hardwood floor.
I observe them both, thinking through each movement, before it happens.
Watching for any disadvantage points Grant leaves open for my strike.
I am done letting him play with us, done letting him feast on our fear, before devouring it like dessert.
I stand tall, placing myself between Levi and Grant.
I am the leader of this war, not Levi. “Sit down before you hurt yourself. There is no reason to go throwing a god damn tantrum. Remember what you did to me when I had a tantrum? Do you? Should I do that to you? Should I buzz all your hair, should I blacken your eyes? Should I make you eat off the kitchen floor like a fucking animal? Would that make you happy? Would that make you smile, Grant?” His eyes are darting rapidly as he bounces between Levi and me.
Watching his fists fold in, as his forearm grows with pressure, the veins wiggling like worms inside a rotten apple, I watch his arm flex, waiting to block his drunken move.
“You are worthless. They may love you now, but trust me when I tell you they won’t forever.
If your mother and I couldn’t stomach looking at the two of you, no one else in their right mind would ever do it voluntarily.
You are a disgrace to mankind, to my good name.
The day you two no longer walk this earth will be the greatest day of my life.
” He stumbles as he tries to make his way over.
Levi and I back up in unison, because let’s be honest, I don’t want to fight him, nor does Levi.
“Run upstairs to your safe place, before I make today the day.” He turns around, walking back to his chair, as the feeling of jumping and making him pay floods my mind.
Instead, Levi takes me quickly, running us up the stairs, into his room, where he shuts and locks the door. “Damn, Letty, you got him good with your twisted tongue.” I plop onto his bed and kick off my shoes.
“I learned from the best.” Sitting down, I pull my phone out of my pocket, clicking the screen on, and I gasp.
Shit, fuck, shit, fuck, I forgot Spencer was on the phone.
My eyes drift to Levi, and I show him my lit-up screen, Spencer’s name in big letters with the timer that continues to count.
Levi’s eyes grow as I place the phone on speaker.
“Spence?” Hesitation sounds as my words whisper out.
“Scar?” His voice is soft, laced with sadness.
“How much of that did you hear?” Levi places his hand over his face, awaiting the answer.
“All of it.” I feel it, his worry, the way he says those words, and honestly, I don’t even remember what I spewed back at Grant. I was in the moment, raging with pure hate.
“Spence, if I am not somber, you aren’t either. If I am strong, you are strong. Be strong, because right now I can’t afford to break.” Levi runs his hand through his hair before jumping in.
“We’re good, it was only words, and trust me when I tell you they don’t hurt us anymore. So please, don’t let them hurt you.” Spencer is quiet, taking in our words of endearment.
“I hate that I’m not with you, but soon our plan will be executed, and we won’t have to worry about this anymore.” Spencer agrees, but his tone still suggests he is struggling.
He lets out a long breath over the phone. “You’re right, just a few more days, and we will get him where it hurts.” That we will, and that will be the most freeing day of our lives.
We all talk on the phone, until I pass the phone to Levi while I go to shower.
“Door cracked, Letty.” I make eye contact because I know he is nervous for two reasons.
One, that I will barricade myself in there and secretly burn myself, which, I am happy to say, I haven’t since Levi’s birthday.
Two, Grant storming up here, entering through the other door, and drowning me.
Honestly, number two scares me, too. Listening, I crack the door and shower quickly.
Levi and I switch places, and he passes me the phone. Now it’s my turn to watch the door and make sure there is no loud thud.
“Hey, you,” I whisper into the phone, lying in my bed now with my room door locked and the bathroom door cracked, so that I can hear if anything goes south.
“Hey.” Spencer sounds quiet, almost out of breath.
“What’s going on over there?” As soon as the question comes out, my window slides open. Jumping into his arms, he embraces me as if he hasn’t seen me in months.
“Worried about what’s going on over here.
” Spencer stepped through my window in his athletic shorts with a black t-shirt.
“I got to thinking.” He grabs my hands, lacing his fingers between mine.
“How can I protect you if I’m not with you?
Everyone has let you down, baby. They failed to keep their promises, but not me.
I’m keeping mine.” He kisses my lips, giving me back the breath he stole.
“I decided two nights ago was the last night I’ll sleep alone. As long as you want me.”
Jumping into his arms, I wrap my legs around him. “I’ll always want you, Spencer Collins.” I kiss him intensely, until we are rudely interrupted by Levi.
“What the hell!” He closes his eyes immediately, “Yeah, I’m gonna need to see some space between you two.” Spencer sets me down as my legs untangle from around his waist.
Spencer and I walk to the bed, taking a seat, when Spencer looks up at Levi. “Sorry, I just couldn’t leave her, ya know. I know you got her. It just makes me feel better to know someone's got you, too.” Levi smiles widely, because this is what it’s like to be loved by someone unselfishly.