Chapter 33
MARTHA
The museum was in the north of the island, just a short way from the sea.
It was in a pretty building straight from the cover of an Anne of Green Gables edition, unsurprisingly.
White-painted boards, dark-green and ornate trim on the edges of the high-pitched roof, and a porch where you could imagine the fictitious character of Anne or the author herself sitting.
Someone had gone to the trouble of filling the window boxes with startlingly pink blooms and the whole look was utterly charming.
It made me feel instantly nostalgic for a time and place I didn’t know except from the pages of a book my daughter loved.
For the first time on this trip I opened the door without any sort of excitement about the possibility we might be first. That just couldn’t be, unless Femi and Liz had broken down or taken a silly detour.
What I hadn’t expected was to be second from last, although why not?
Harrison and Sam had somehow managed to be first by a good three hours.
How? We had hauled our backsides all the way from Niagara to here and they had found a way to be quicker.
Femi and Liz were next, twenty minutes ago, but there was no sign of Priya and Tara.
‘God,’ I said. ‘No matter how hard we race it still all seems to come down to luck, somehow.’
‘It was worth that ten minutes with Ralph for the information we’ve gathered,’ Erin said as we walked back outside to find out what was happening next.
I was desperate for a cold drink and to know there was a comfortable bed waiting somewhere.
I could only hope our information would buy us back that lost hour advantage on the final leg, somehow.
We found Harrison and Sam sitting on a bench in the pretty gardens. The whole setting was so enchanting, and to see those two sitting among it was both heartening and also a little comical.
‘All this from a book?’ Harrison asked.
‘From an author,’ I said. ‘She grew up on this island and her aunt and uncle built this place. She used to visit.’
‘How do you know this stuff?’ Sam asked. ‘I never retain information like that. Are you a big fan of her books?’
‘My daughter was,’ I said, which made all three of them look a little wary. ‘It’s just a book.’
I tried to lighten the mood. It wasn’t really the time for another trip down the pathway of my memory, but I had a sudden yearning for a reread of the book. I didn’t think our budget could stretch to such an indulgent extra though, so I vowed to get a copy when I was back home.
‘How did you manage a three-hour lead?’ Erin asked them. ‘We thought we’d been pretty quick.’
‘We got a lift from a trucker who was driving through the night and offered to take us, so we gained a few hours but then lost a few waiting for a bus. It wasn’t a great night in the truck. Gaz was livid. How’s your budget holding up?’ Sam asked.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Don’t answer that, Erin. We’re still in a race. Don’t tell them anything.’
‘We just told you about our trip,’ Sam said.
‘More fool you, then,’ I said with a smile, and Harrison laughed.
‘And she’s back!’ he said. ‘I thought you’d lost your competitive spirit there for a moment.’
‘Not a chance,’ I said. ‘I could murder for a glass of wine.’
‘We’re off to our accommodation once the ladies get here,’ Harrison said. ‘Apparently, they’re not too far off now.’
‘Ladies?’ Erin said. ‘Hmm, one of them might be.’
Harrison looked at me with amusement but I didn’t bother to enlighten him at that moment. There was a lot to unpick about Priya.
‘Do you want to come and look in the museum?’ Erin asked Sam, and he managed a look that said both no and also yes at the same time.
‘I think he might tolerate the museum to spend some time with Erin,’ Harrison said once they had gone.
We sat for a while with no one bothering us.
The view was pretty, out over a large pond with the landscape fairly flat.
The map told me the sea was just beyond but we couldn’t see it from where we were sitting.
The camera crew and producers were gathered together nearer the museum, chatting, and all, despite their relative youth, looking pretty exhausted.
‘The pace of this trip hasn’t really afforded us the time to reflect much, has it?’ Harrison said suddenly.
‘Hasn’t it? I’ve been reflecting quite a bit, actually. There have been a lot of hours on buses to think about… things.’
‘Any particular things?’ he asked with a sparkle in his eye.
‘I’ve been thinking about a sense of place in relation to my thoughts,’ I said, although I wasn’t really sure if I knew exactly what I was trying to say.
‘You wish your daughter were on this trip with you,’ he said simply. He’d cut through and got right to the heart of it. That was Harrison.
‘I wish it for her,’ I said. ‘I have Erin, who I honestly adore. I wish it for Clare, not so much for me.’
‘You know you will always feel like this,’ said Harrison. ‘And you know, that’s okay. It’s not wrong to feel the way that you do. You’re not grieving incorrectly.’
He put his arm around my shoulders then and I instinctively looked up to see if either Erin or Cally or Noah could see.
‘Who cares,’ Harrison said, knowing why I was looking. ‘Surely at our age we can do whatever we want.’
‘As long as you’re happy for it to be beamed into the living rooms of most of the UK,’ I said.
‘I forget we’re on a TV show sometimes. We’ve been away from home for so long now that this feels like my new reality,’ he said.
‘God forbid.’
He chuckled and we fell silent but he didn’t remove his arm and I was glad.
‘I had a heart-to-heart with Erin,’ I said a while later. ‘We told each other some truths about how we were feeling.’
‘It’s different for her,’ he said.
‘She did love her mother,’ I said, as if he’d been privy to our conversation and not wanting him to think Erin didn’t care.
‘Of course. I just mean, we’re programmed to lose our parents at some point in our lives. We know that’s the way it’s supposed to go. For some it’s too early, like Clare. But we’re not supposed to lose our children. No one should suffer that.’
He pulled me closer then and I had to control my breathing. How easy it would be to lose myself completely, right here on this bench, right here in this garden.
Then Cally was walking over to us and I straightened up. Harrison didn’t let me go, but he put a little more distance between us.
‘Priya and Tara have just turned up,’ said Cally.
‘Oh, goody,’ I said, and Harrison laughed.
‘Are you okay, Martha?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Just having a moment.’
‘I understand,’ she said, ‘and I bought this for you. I heard you say it was one of your daughter’s favourite books and I know your budget probably won’t stretch to keepsakes, but I thought you might like this.’
She handed me a hardback, cloth-bound copy of Anne of Green Gables and I had to close my eyes for a moment and breathe deeply before I took it.
I stood up and hugged her. Harrison walked away and I did allow a couple of tears to fall.
You will always feel this way and that’s okay, he had said. I really did think that was true.
We had been booked into a charming guest house not far away.
It was all themed around the books of Lucy Maud Montgomery and Erin and I found ourselves in the Anne suite.
The decor was beautifully done with an antique writing desk, pretty patterned wallpaper, jugs of flowers and books, of course.
We could look out to the sea from our room and it made me realise how close we were to the end of this race.
‘I wonder how much Harrison and Sam are enjoying all the chintz,’ Erin said and chuckled. ‘Not much I would imagine.’
I didn’t consider either of the men as particularly blokey but I knew what she meant. It was definitely decorated with a feminine touch.
After we had time to relax and refresh ourselves there was a dinner for all of us in the dining room. We were all washed and even dressed up a bit, but there was still a general air of everyone being a bit rumpled.
‘One checkpoint to go,’ Femi said. ‘I don’t mind admitting that I’m on my last legs, literally.’
‘Same,’ was the ripple around the table.
‘So, who’s most likely to win, then?’ Liz asked with a cheeky smile. ‘Femi might be on his last legs but I’ve got more to give.’
‘Well, it won’t be us,’ Tara said, resignation thick in her voice.
‘Won’t it?’ Priya said. ‘My daughter doesn’t speak for both of us.’
‘Harrison and Sam have a three-hour lead on us,’ Tara said, sounding a little deflated at her mother’s words.
‘Anything can happen,’ I said, picking up the glass of crisp white wine that had been poured for me and drinking some. It was delicious and very welcome. ‘Some of us know shortcuts, some of us are just super quick, and some of us use any means available to get ahead.’
I stared at Priya then, hard, and she didn’t look away. There was the ghost of a smile on her lips.
‘I’ve been thinking about our first race all those years ago,’ Femi said. ‘It was so much easier then when we were all younger. I never really understood why you didn’t win, though, Martha. I thought you might have been the best of us.’
‘Thank you for that,’ I said raising my glass to him. ‘The trouble was, I missed the train on the last leg and just couldn’t catch up. Bob had a similar problem in France, I seem to remember.’
I continued to stare at Priya and knew that it was all being caught on camera. Let people make of it what they will. I had no wish to out Priya. I would look like a sore loser, that was all.
‘A good night’s sleep and it will all look different in the morning. Of course, we won’t be around to see how quick off the mark you all are, what with our huge head start,’ Harrison said and everyone laughed, even Priya.
Once we had eaten, we dispersed. Erin and Sam disappeared out to the gardens, in fact they practically skipped out there, and I found myself sitting in the lounge alone with Priya.
Neither of our crew were about. I guessed they were setting up for our piece-to-camera.
I nearly got up to leave but she stopped me with a question.
‘Is there something going on between you and Harrison?’
I was taken aback for a moment.
‘I hardly think it’s any of your business,’ I said, trying not to sound as if I was rattled by her.
‘I admired and then envied you, all those years ago,’ she said and I wondered if she might be a little drunk. ‘You really were a bright, young thing.’
‘Weren’t we all?’ I said, surprised. ‘I vividly remember you running across the station platform to catch a train in northern France. You looked like a goddess with your dark hair like silk flying out behind you. I was sitting on that train, watching you through the window and willing you to catch up. That might surprise you.’
She looked sad for a moment then and I nearly asked her, I nearly said that I knew it was her.
I knew she’d paid Sergio to trick me. I nearly asked her if it was because of Harrison, remembering how she’d looked at him at the beginning of this race.
I took a breath and let all those thoughts float away.
‘Good luck tomorrow,’ I said, getting up and walking towards the door. It was only as I was about to leave the room that she said anything at all and I might have misheard her because her voice was so faint. It sounded very much like she said ‘sorry’.
Piece-to-camera
Cally: So, one leg to go. How are you both feeling about that finish line being in sight? Martha, let’s start with you. Can you summarise your race in a few short words?
Martha: Tiring, exciting, life-changing and revelatory.
Cally: Goodness, that’s something to pick apart. And what about that all-important finish line? Are you ready to go?
Martha: It’s all I’ve had in my mind from the very beginning. Winning this race, beating the others is all I’ve wanted to do.
Cally: And do you still feel like this now? After forging friendships and having ‘life-changing’ and ‘revelatory’ experiences? Is it really all about the race?
Martha: Yes, yes it actually is.
Cally: Okay, and Erin. Back at the start I asked you if there might be a frisson of something between you and Sam and you said, I quote, ‘over my dead body’. How does that stack up now, as you’re nearing the end of the race?
Erin: Maybe not so much over my dead body now. Perhaps over my warm and beating heart?
‘Okay, cut. Wow! Erin, laying it all out there. How wonderful. Thanks so much, ladies, and the next time I interview you, you’ll be on the finish line,’ Cally said, beginning to gather her things.
‘Erin, you and Sam are so cute together. We will definitely be pushing that angle in the final cut if that’s okay with you. ’
‘Fine with me,’ Erin said.
‘Does this mean I’ve lost my puzzle partner?’ Noah said.
‘No way. I’ll meet you in the dining room in ten minutes,’ she said as she and Cally left the room together.
‘Martha?’ Noah said before I could leave too. ‘I have some footage I wanted to talk to you about.’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Fire away.’
‘It was when you took the camera on your nature walk on Haida Gwaii,’ he said.
‘Oh, yes, I tried to get some footage of the bald eagles. Was it awful?’
‘No, it was great, but I think you must have left it running when you and Erin were talking. I only caught the beginning; I didn’t carry on listening after I realised it was personal. I just wanted to let you know and to reassure you it wouldn’t be making its way onto the screen.’
‘Thank you, Noah.’
‘Do you want me to send it to you?’
I thought about that for a moment, tried to remember what I was feeling then. I was willing Erin to say something profound about her mother. But we’d turned a corner on that, hadn’t we? I’d finally got Erin talking.
‘No,’ I said carefully. ‘Could you delete it please? We don’t need that now.’