19. Elias
Friends was… a start. It wasn’t what he ultimately wanted, but being friends with Kate was a step in the right direction, and it was a hell of a lot better than being excluded from her life completely.
During the week that followed, Elias and Kate kept up a steady stream of text messages. He checked on how her morning sickness was progressing, and she kept him informed of any looming appointments so he could mark them in his calendar. He’d never actually marked anything in his calendar before, but now it had become his lifeline. The first ultrasound appointment would be in a couple of weeks, and there was a doctor’s appointment before that. They planned to go crib shopping, and they both needed to get car seats… and then there was a pram. He wanted to be part of all of it, so whenever Kate asked, he said yes. He also now used his calendar to track how far along she was… was it weird that they knew the exact conception date?
He’d also found himself perusing Amazon for pregnancy books and other baby-related products. He’d never realised how expensive some of this stuff was. He read blogs for impending parents and found himself wondering about baby names. Some of the blogs suggested giving the unborn baby a nickname, and he found himself typing out a text to Kate asking if she had considered it. But he deleted it before sending.
He still wasn’t completely sure of the boundaries between him and Kate yet. He was trying to be cautious, but also show interest, but also not pressure her, but also be supportive. He felt like he was walking a minefield, and one wrong step would blow up the tenuous relationship they had begun to build.
There were also the warnings about not telling people about the pregnancy until the first trimester had passed. Which was why they had agreed to wait a little longer before telling Alexis and Levi. Theo was sworn to secrecy, and so far, it seemed he had kept his word.
So they each had a person that knew. For Kate, it was her sister, Georgia. Elias was nervous about meeting her. He was worried he wouldn’t measure up to the expectations she had for her sister’s donor. Dr Douchebag was a certified genius. How could Elias compete with that?
He pulled his truck up to the curb outside Kate’s house where she was waiting for him. She climbed in before he could get out to open the door for her.
‘Hey,’ she said as she fastened her seatbelt.
‘Hey,’ he replied with a grin.
‘I was worried you were going to pick me up on your bike.’
‘I thought about it,’ he replied as he pulled out and headed toward the address she’d given him earlier. ‘Have you ever been on the back of a bike?’
She shook her head. ‘I’ve seen too many road accidents where the riders come off second best.’
He nodded. That was fair. He had to admit that in the past, he hadn’t been particularly careful on his bike. There was something about riding that made him feel ten foot tall and bulletproof. All that had changed when he found out he was going to be a father, though.
‘I’ll probably sell it,’ he said.
‘Why?’
He shrugged, changing lanes. ‘I need to keep the truck for work, but it’s not exactly family-car material. I’ve been looking at some SUVs, but I’m concerned there’s not enough boot space.’
Kate was silent, and he glanced at her. He couldn’t read her expression. ‘What?’
‘I just… I suppose I just never expected you to take it so seriously.’
That was a bit of a stab to the heart, but he tried not to let it show. ‘I told you I’m in this. I know I’m not the man you chose, but I hope I can be a decent substitute.’
‘No. I’m sorry,’ Kate said with a sigh, reaching over to lay her hand on his. ‘I suppose I’m just used to people saying one thing and doing another. I’ve been preparing to do this on my own for so long, I’m having a little trouble adjusting to sharing the responsibilities.’
‘I get it. You’re a control freak.’ He was joking. He wanted to lighten the mood.
‘Hey,’ she said, playfully swatting him.
‘You’re not denying it.’
‘I am not ashamed of liking to have control,’ she replied primly and then smiled. ‘I know I can be a little like that. Hazards of the job, I’m afraid. I’m trying to do better.’
It was his turn to reach across and lay his hand over hers. ‘This is going to be an adjustment for the both of us.’
‘Understatement.’
Not long after, they pulled up outside Georgia’s home. It looked like any other house in suburbia. A recent build with beige rendered brick exterior, large double garage door in terracotta, and a tall fence. To keep people out, or to keep the kids in?
‘Are you ready for this?’ Kate asked with a wry grin.
He sucked in a breath. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’
They climbed out of the truck, Kate doing so again before he could get around to help her, and then they were walking up the front path to the door. Kate didn’t knock, letting herself in and ushering him in behind her.
The house was suspiciously quiet… or at least quieter than Elias had expected it to be. Kate, also attuned to the silence, walked softly down the toy-strewn hall. She poked her head around the corner and then looked back at Elias. He followed her gaze to see a woman sound asleep on the couch with a baby propped on her shoulder, also sound asleep. Surrounding them were piles of clothing, more toys, and the remains of a blanket fort.
Kate crossed to the sleeping woman and gently scooped up the baby. It stirred but didn’t wake, snuggling into Kate as she gently rocked it.
Something tightened in Elias’ gut. Seeing Kate holding a baby shouldn’t do that to him but… but he couldn’t deny it made him think about Kate holding their baby.
She turned to him and smiled. Ugh. He didn’t think his heart could cope with the rush of emotions.
‘This is Amiri,’ she whispered. ‘Would you like to hold her?’
‘Uh…’
Kate didn’t give him a chance to say no. She guided his hands so that he could correctly support Amiri and then stepped back, literally leaving him holding the baby. She smiled softly at him, and again, his insides did weird things. He looked down at the sleeping girl. Would their baby look like her? He had never really looked at a baby up close before. She had such long eyelashes and chubby cheeks, and the softest downy hair. He was in love.
‘Hey,’ another voice croaked, and Elias looked toward the woman who must be Georgia.
‘Hey,’ Kate whispered in return. ‘This is Elias. Elias, meet my sister, Georgia.’
‘Nice to meet you,’ Elias said, worried his voice might wake Amiri, but she only sighed and snuggled into him.
‘Where are the others?’ Kate asked, keeping her voice low.
‘School and nap time,’ Georgia replied before yawning. ‘Sorry. I tried to stay awake, but it was a rough night.’
‘What can I do?’ Kate asked, looking around.
‘I’d kill for a shower and then a cuppa,’ Georgia said before looking at Elias again. ‘Are you all right with her for a bit? I can put her down if it’s too much trouble…’
He nodded and then shook his head. ‘I’m fine holding her. She’s not too much trouble.’ He didn’t mind holding Amiri. In fact, he kind of liked it.
Kate and Georgia exchanged a look before Georgia headed down the hall. Kate walked over to the kitchen and started tidying the dishes, un-stacking and then re-stacking the dishwasher. Elias simply stood where he was with Amiri. He couldn’t stop looking at her. He couldn’t really see Georgia in her features, but maybe she was too young yet?
‘You can sit down,’ Kate said, coming over to peer at the sleeping baby in his arms.
‘I don’t want to wake her.’
Kate smiled up at him, and there was something soft and… he didn’t know how to describe it except it felt warm. She made his insides warm when she looked at him like that. It felt like approval or acceptance or validation or… whatever it was, it felt good. He liked the way she looked at him. He wanted her to keep looking at him like that.
They stood there for so long that they were still staring at one another when Georgia returned from her shower. Kate backed away from him slowly, and when she broke their gaze, Elias looked at Georgia to see something unreadable on her face.
Shit.
Had he already made a mistake?