41. Elias
It had been two days, and Elias was losing his mind. He wasn’t allowed to get out of bed. His leg was in a cast, and they hadn’t cleared him to start moving yet. Not even in a wheelchair, and not even to go to the bathroom. He’d been peeing in a bottle and using a bedpan—and wasn’t that just the most humiliating thing in the world?
Levi, Alexis, Theo, and Sarah all visited him regularly. It was as if they’d had a schedule so he was never alone for too long. And then there were the visits from the psychologist.
They thought the accident had been… on purpose.
It hadn’t. Elias hadn’t tried to end his life. He’d just been so upset and in the midst of a panic attack that he’d not been concentrating on the road and had taken the corner too fast.
Not everyone was convinced, though.
As much as he hated to admit it, having a complete stranger whose only job was to listen to him talk without judgement was pretty good. He’d been a little reticent at first, but by the second visit, he had opened up and explained how he was feeling, and about his messed-up family, and about how he felt like he’d failed Kate.
He had absolutely failed her, even if the psychologist assured him he hadn’t. Yes, he’d made a mistake, she’d said, but it wasn’t unforgivable.
Elias didn’t really believe that. He knew how skittish Kate had been from the start. He knew he’d promised her the world and delivered precisely nothing. She would be better off without him in her life.
‘And that is exactly why we are all worried about you,’ the psychologist said. Dr Amy looked at him with concern. She was probably old enough to be his mother, but she was nothing like Catherine.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You keep pushing people away. You keep isolating yourself. It’s not good for you.’
‘All I ever do is bring chaos and mayhem into people’s lives.’
‘Oh, so I suppose the world revolves around you, does it? Every bad and terrible thing that happens is because of you? You are so infinitely powerful that you control the universe?’
Elias blinked at her. ‘What?’
‘You say that you ruined Kate’s life… do you really think you have that much power? And, by the way, where is her agency in this? Did you coerce her? Did you take away her choices?’
‘No. That’s not what I meant. I just mean she would have been better off never getting involved with me.’
‘How do you know that for sure?’
‘Well, she would have been having another man’s baby. I know that for sure.’
‘And this other man… is he a better fit for Kate? Does he make her happy? Will he be a good father?’
Elias’ lip curled. He wanted to say no. He wanted to say that Hugo was not fit to even clean Kate’s shoes, let alone be the father of her baby but… but what did he actually know? He didn’t like Hugo, but did that make him a bad man?
‘The fact is, it’s Kate’s choice, not yours. She should be the one to decide who she wants in her life, but you’re denying her that. By not being honest with her. By keeping this from her and running away, you are denying her the chance to make her own choices. Do you really think you know what’s best for her? Don’t you think she would know better than you?’
Dr Amy had a point, but by running away he could avoid the inevitable rejection.
‘Be honest. You’re not doing this for Kate’s sake. You’re doing it for your own.’
Oof. That little truth bomb hurt.
‘Okay, but what about self-preservation? Don’t I get a choice too? Don’t I get to protect myself from pain?’
Dr Amy weighed his question. ‘I think that depends on whether or not you want to continue this cycle, or whether you want to overcome it. You will never move forward if you keep avoiding the problem.’
‘And if she tells me she wants nothing to do with me?’
‘It will hurt, but at least you will know the truth. At least you will have faced that fear. But what if she says she wants you? What if she tells you that she chooses you?’
It echoed what Levi had said to him. Kate chose him. She didn’t have to have his baby. She didn’t have to let him move into her house. She didn’t have to let him get involved in her life. She chose him, and he’d run away… why? Because he was embarrassed? Because he was ashamed?
‘I’ll think about it,’ he said.
* * *
Alexis
Alexis didn’t meanto eavesdrop. She had been on her way to see Elias and had accidentally overheard him talking with the psychologist. She could have walked away and come back later but… okay, she did eavesdrop on purpose. But she was worried about Elias. And she was worried about Kate.
Levi told her he didn’t get a chance to speak with Kate and that he’d told Hugo to ask Kate to contact him, but she hadn’t. That wasn’t like Kate. If Kate knew Elias was in an accident, and if she knew Levi wanted to speak to her, she would have absolutely called him. Something was going on, and she blamed Hugo.
Honestly, she hadn’t liked the guy. She’d only met him at the baby shower… and actually, she hadn’t really met him then. But she’d seen the display he’d put on. Imagine turning up uninvited to someone’s baby shower to try and put a wedge between the mother and father? It was… just, yuck.
Alexis had her doubts that Hugo had passed the message on to Kate. For all they knew, Kate didn’t even know Levi had gone to see her. Alexis hated to immediately think the worst but… it was the vibe she got from Hugo. He was one of those super-slick guys she’d seen flock around her dad all the time. Not a great recommendation considering her dad was in jail.
Dr Amy left, and Alexis composed herself with a bright smile before walking in to greet Elias.
‘How’re you doing?’ she asked, sitting on the chair beside his bed.
‘Bored out of my brain,’ he replied.
‘You wanna talk about anything?’ It was a long shot, but Alexis at least had to try.
‘I’m all talked out,’ he replied, flicking through the channels on the television.
‘Hungry? Do you want me to go and get something from the cafeteria for you? Or the vending machine?’
He turned to look at her. ‘I’m not a kid, Alexis,’ he said, and she realised just how much he had matured.
It sounded terribly condescending and patronising even to her own ears, but how else could she explain it? Elias used to be all about the fun times, or at least that was her initial impression of him. But now… now he seemed like a grownup. He was a grownup, she knew that, but now he seemed less like a kid brother and more like a peer.
‘Point taken,’ she said.
‘Sorry,’ he said with a sigh, switching the television off. ‘I’m not very good company. I think I might have a nap.’
‘Do you want me to stay or…?’
He smiled. ‘Thanks, Lexi, but you can go. I know you’re busy. I’m fine. I’m tired and dealing with a lot and… yeah, I probably just need some sleep.’
‘Okay.’ She got up to leave.
‘Actually. There’s something you could do for me,’ he said.
‘Anything.’
‘My phone…’
Alexis’ face fell. ‘It’s trashed.’
‘Thought so. Do you mind getting me a new one? My data should all be backed up in the cloud, but I feel a little naked without my phone.’
Alexis smiled brightly. ‘That, I can do. Any particular model you like?’
He shrugged. ‘Whatever is the easiest.’
‘Leave it to me,’ she said, gathering her handbag and then leaning over to press a kiss to his temple. ‘You’re going to be okay, Elias,’ she whispered.
He held her hand for a long moment. ‘Thanks, Lexi.’
Alexis walked out of the hospital room and pulled her phone out of her handbag. If Elias wanted a phone, that was a good sign. It also might mean he was considering contacting Kate. It wouldn’t hurt for Alexis to smooth the way a little bit… would it?
She sent her a text.
Alexis:
Hi Kate. I wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing. Do you feel like getting a coffee?