32
Polly woke to the chirping of birds, and a soft breeze tapping the branch of a rambling rose against her windowpane. Her mouth was dry so she poured herself a glass of water from the bedside jug and drank its cool, slightly metallic taste. She didn’t feel tired, even though… she remembered with a slow smile …even though they’d made love three times before she drifted off into a sleep as soft as feather eiderdown. She stretched out, languorous and loose. She felt strong, and alive, ready to face the fallout that would come once Spike had broken the news to Bam: the news that he and Polly were meant to be together. She wouldn’t think about Bam now. She did like her. Truly. Even though she’d called her Wham Bam, she thought, ashamed now.
Still, Mel had been right all those years ago when she said that Spike and Polly were like two swans, mating for life. Oh, they might have been separated by misunderstanding and oceans, but he’d come home. Home to Polly. Everything was going to be all right now. They’d sort it. The two of them.
She touched the pillow where his head had lain just a few hours earlier, and hugged herself with delight, reliving his touch, his kisses, his… oh, she couldn’t wait to see him again.
A soft tap came on her door. She sat up and zhushed her hair, in case it was Spike – who else could it be? She didn’t want him to see her with bird’s nest hair.
‘Come in, lover boy,’ she said, and Brian opened the door, cup of tea in hand. He gave her a sheepish grin.
‘Whoops,’ she said, pulling the sheet around her as she sat up.
‘Someone had a good time last night,’ he said with a wink. ‘Here y’are.’ He placed a cup by her bedside. ‘Nice cuppa Rosie Lee.’
‘Thanks, Brian,’ she said, unable to keep from beaming back at him – because today she was happy with the whole wide world.
‘I’m gonna be shootin’ off soon. Gonna take your mum to have her scan and whatnot done, an’ then I’m bringing her home. Where she belongs.’
‘That’s great, Brian. Can I wait here at the cottage until she returns?’
‘Of course you can, Poll. She’d like that.’ He gave her a light kiss on the forehead, and made as if to leave. ‘Oh,’ he added, turning to face her, ‘and don’t you go worrying about that stones-in-the-pocket thing. Andy rang and told me all about it. Me and Suze are going to work through things. It’ll be fine. Don’t you go worrying yourself on our account, Princess.’
‘Thanks Brian.’
‘Means the world to her, having you here.’
‘She’s lucky to have you, Brian.’
And if he could have blushed, Polly was pretty certain that he would have.
*
When Polly came downstairs, the breakfast things had been cleared away, and Rowan was outside running around on the lawn with Blue. Spike turned as she entered the kitchen, but he didn’t look her full in the face – that was the first thing she noticed.
‘Would you like some toast?’ he asked, his back turned as he slipped two slices of bread into the Dualit toaster.
‘Yes thanks,’ she said, puzzled by his seeming distance. Did this mean he was having second thoughts? Had she got it all wrong? Was last night… Oh God, please don’t let last night have been a mercy shag because he felt sorry for her. A knot of panic formed in her stomach. Please no. She could still smell him on her skin, on her hair. She hadn’t showered yet as she wanted to keep the traces of him with her for as long as she could. Daft, she knew. She’d dressed carefully in a dress covered with sprigs of summer flowers. She knew it flattered her curves. Her hair was pinned up, with tendrils falling ever-so-accidentally-on-purpose, giving it a sexily tousled look. Her eyes had needed only a slick of mascara, so bright they were, and her lips the merest touch of red to highlight where he’d kissed her, mussing up her mouth, his stubble making her lips, her chin, ever so slightly raw. Hell, she looked good. Didn’t she?
She moved towards him, longing to be held in his arms, but instead he put out his hands to stop her.
‘I’ve had a phone call from Bam,’ he said, letting his hands drop by his side.
She swallowed hard. ‘Oh.’ Not knowing quite how to react.
‘I’d switched my phone off. She’s been trying to reach me.’
‘Right.’ The next words, she knew, were going to decide their fate. The next words were going to be very, very important. She stood, ready to receive them.
‘There’s no easy way to say this.’ She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. ‘Bam’s pregnant.’
Polly grasped the back of a chair. Momentarily baffled. These weren’t the words she’d been expecting at all. She’d guessed – of course she had – that something was up, from the phone call he’d received from her in the hospital… but never in a million years would she have guessed… Tears pricked her eyes. A baby. She pulled out a chair to sit down.
‘Are you… is that why she called you at the hospital?’
‘No! No, of course I didn’t have any idea then.’
‘Is she sure?’ Polly’s voice was barely above a whisper.
‘Yes. She insists she is.’ He took a deep breath, shooting Polly a quick glance. ‘She went to the chemist this morning – to get one of those there kits.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t know how on earth it happened.’
‘In the usual way, I suppose,’ she couldn’t help saying. Now she was wondering if last night had been all about the sex and nothing else. Things were said, it’s true, but they’d both been more than a little drunk. She’d meant what she said. But was he now regretting… and if so, what now?
She steeled herself for what must come.
‘No. I don’t understand,’ Spike was saying as he paced the kitchen. ‘We were so careful. I was careful.’ He ran his fingers through his hair, which flopped forward in his eyes.
‘Did you not use condoms?’ she said. Unconsciously, she rubbed her own belly.
‘Of course I used condoms, Polly.’
Into Polly’s mind flashed the memory of Bam’s visit to her in the shop. Of Bam saying, ‘He will ask me to marry him, you know,’ and of that self-satisfied smirk she’d had on her face. Had she planned this? Would Bam do something like prick tiny little holes in condoms with a fine needle? She’d heard tell of determined women taking desperate measures like that. But surely not Bam. Polly stared at Spike, not trusting herself to speak.
‘I have to go to her, Polly.’
‘To Kettering?’ she said, not knowing where the fuck Kettering was.
‘It’s in Northampton, Polly,’ he said with half a smile, as if he’d read her mind. ‘Up North.’
She resisted the urge to go – Duh .
‘Mummy! Daddy!’ Rowan was standing in the doorway, a clod of earth in her left hand. ‘I got a worm!’
Spike collected her into his arms and nuzzled her neck. ‘Daddy has to go, darling.’
Rowan twisted in his arms as she reached out for her mother, dropping the earth-plus-worm onto the floor in the process. They all turned as they heard a car crunch up the gravel and toot its horn.
‘That’ll be my taxi,’ he said. ‘I’m catching a train.’
‘But you can’t catch a train,’ said Polly. Thinking, What a daft thing to say , but she couldn’t think straight.
He opened his arms, folding both mother and daughter in his tight embrace as he kissed Polly’s head. ‘I’ll be back,’ he said to Rowan, who clearly had no idea what this all meant.
Instead she gave him a wide grin. ‘’Kay, Daddy.’
‘I have to go, Polly. You do see that, don’t you?’
‘Of course,’ she said, unable to quite fathom what was unfolding.
‘I’ll call you. I promise. Soon as I can. I meant every word I said last night.’
‘What? About your trainers being wet from the grass?’ she said, unable to not tease in moments of crisis.
He gave her a long wide smile – the sort that only he could ever give her – then kissed her hard on the lips, and was gone. Leaving Polly to stare at the huge Spike-sized hole he’d left behind.
*
When Brian’s car pulled up, Polly and Rowan were there to greet it. Polly watched as her mother gingerly got out of the car. Polly had been going for a welcoming smile, but she clearly failed, as the first thing Suze said was, ‘Whatever is the matter, darling? Where’s Spike?’ Suze and Brian exchanged a glance.
‘Oh, Mum’ was all Polly could manage as she tried not to cry – Rowan holding tight onto her skirts.
‘Hey,’ said Brian, as he placed his arm about Polly’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, ‘let’s get Suze indoors first, shall we? Then you can tell us all about it.’
‘Yes, yes, of course.’ Polly took her mother’s arm to help her walk, with Rowan scampering in front of them, then skipping to the side, so that in the end Polly had to tell her, ‘Careful you don’t knock Grandma over.’
Suze patted Polly’s hand. ‘That’s all right, love. Let her be.’ She stopped for a moment to catch her breath.
‘Are you sure you’re all right, Mum?’ asked Polly.
‘Yes, yes,’ insisted Suze.
Polly was struck by how thin her mother looked, and how frail. She felt a rush of love for her, and would have liked to pick her up and carry her indoors herself, if Suze would have let her. But she knew how fiercely independent her mother was. It was a measure of how weak she felt that she was leaning on Polly at all.
‘The radiographer said everything looks benign,’ said Suze. ‘So that’s good. I’m to see the doctor next week for a follow-up.’ She managed a smile at her daughter. ‘Silly me, getting into a tizz.’ They reached the large oak-panelled hall, where Polly helped her mother off with her jacket and hung it on the wooden coat stand.
‘Put the kettle on, will you, Brian,’ said Suze, as she turned to Polly. ‘Is Spike not here, then?’ Brian led Rowan to the kitchen.
‘No, Mum,’ Polly said. ‘He’s left to catch a train. He’s had to go back.’
Suze allowed Polly to usher her into one of the chairs, and once Polly was satisfied that her mother was settled, she added, ‘It’s all gone horribly wrong, Mum.’
‘It can’t be as bad as all that, surely,’ said Suze, as she leant forwards to gently wipe a tear from her daughter’s eye. ‘You’d better tell me what happened. Brian thought it looked like the two of you might get back together.’
‘No chance of that now.’
As a blackbird sang in a tree outside, and the sun shone down on bees buzzing in and out of flowers nodding in the midday, Polly told Suze the bare bones of what had occurred: that she’d finished with Max and thought maybe Spike had feelings for her, but that he’d had to go and be with Bam.
‘But why, darling? Why did he have to go?’
Polly sighed. She wasn’t yet ready to tell her mother everything, about sleeping with Spike or about the baby. Instead she said in a small voice, ‘Can I stay here with you for a couple of days? If that’s fine by you? I want to make sure you’re going to be okay and… well, I can’t face going back to Bristol just yet.’
‘Of course you can stay.’ Suze appeared delighted even though she was clearly exhausted.
‘I don’t want to intrude or anything,’ said Polly. ‘You must promise that if you’re too tired or anything, you will say.’
‘Don’t be daft. Of course you must stay. Sounds like you could do with a nice break. That’s all settled, then, isn’t it, Brian?’ She smiled up at Brian, who beamed back at her as if his horse had just romped home in first place at Ascot.
‘Yes, Polly. You stay with us. Long as you like. Is what family’s for, innit?’
That night, Polly dreamt she rowed out into the estuary, where fish swim and eels snake in and out of thick weed. There, in the middle of the river, she checked her pockets were full – not of stones, but of sweets – as she slid over the side of the boat and into the water’s embrace, where she spun slowly, eyes open, hair billowing around her, like a latter-day Ophelia, spinning down, down, through the green and clear water. She was not fearful, but calm, and then up ahead, there it was – the hand of a small blonde mermaid reaching out to her: Rowan, smiling like an older version of herself. They held hands and together kicked up, up to the surface.