Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Hadley
Easton’s eyes close when I push back from the table.
“Let’s give this an honest try?”
He stays seated, patiently watching me. Not pushing or filling the silence with a joke. Just waiting… for me… to say something more… anything.
My mouth opens but closes.
“You have the Kenzie thing that was holding you back, but I have my family,” I say because he needs to know what he’s getting into.
“I’m sure at the dinner you could tell that I’m the odd one out in the Hargrove family.
First, I have no idea where my dad is, I haven’t seen him since I was five, but regardless, he’s been a constant presence in my life because I’ve always been told that I got all his genes.
” I swallow hard. “Can you imagine? The man walked out on his family, never to be heard from again, but everyone has compared me to him my entire life. I rebelled in high school, like I imagine most teenage girls do, but my mom just put her thumb that much firmer down on me.”
I stare into my lap, aware that Easton hasn’t said a word.
“So, I did what they wanted. I went to my mom’s alma mater, got my degree.
At my graduation party, which was mostly just my mom’s way of networking to get me a job, I couldn’t stomach the rest of my life being dictated by her.
And I knew that was what was gonna happen if I stuck around.
My mom would get me the job, she’d be on me to impress whatever friend she had pestered enough, and I would never live up to her expectations.
I’d mess it up somehow. So when I finally had a break from shaking hands and smiling and pretending I’d be an asset to their business, I went upstairs to my room, packed a bag, and left.
Went to the airport and booked a flight with the graduation money I got. ”
I glance at him, and his hazel eyes shine with sympathy.
“And I’ve been running ever since. I’ve never had a serious relationship. Sure, I’ve dated guys here or there, but as crazy as it is, I’ve slept with you more than any other guy in my life.”
That cocky smirk returns. “You’re only feeding my ego and proving my point.”
“Maybe. But it’s just… Easton, we’re two people who have never had a serious relationship with anyone. Why do we think this is going to work?”
He doesn’t look away when he says, “Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
I look at the table. The shared plates, the coffee he poured for me without asking how I take it because he already knows.
I think about last night. Not just the physical—though that’s a vivid and warm memory I’ll reach for many times—but the restaurant. The dancing. The Riverwalk. The way he’s been so honest with me about his family, the public, and Kenzie.
All of it feels like evidence of us getting to this place where we’re ready to do this.
Most of all, it’s the three words from last night. I trust you cracked open something inside me that has never opened for anyone before him.
Underneath all of that, it’s a solid yes. Loud and clear, my answer is yes, but I can’t just jump in with him without warning him.
It’s the yes that scares me. Not the no.
“I’m terrified,” I admit, my voice quieter than I intend. I clench my fists to stop my hands from shaking.
“Me too.”
I stand, unable to sit anymore. “What if I say yes, then I ruin it? What if I stay and one day it starts to feel like every place I’ve stayed too long…
what if I start to feel like the walls are closing in and I need air…
what if Tanner’s mom shows up and rearranges everything…
what if we’re only good at this because there’s an expiration date? ”
“I have the same worries, Had. I also have a son to consider. What if I fuck this up and he loses you?”
I shake my head. “He won’t. Whatever happens, Tanner doesn’t lose me.”
A look of relief crosses his face.
“I don’t have a good track record with staying,” I say. “I’m not going to pretend I’ve figured out something about myself overnight that I haven’t in the past thirty years.”
He nods. “I know.”
“But…”
“What?” He straightens at the word.
“I want this. I do.” Tears well in my eyes.
“Hadley.” His voice is gentle as he takes my hands. “I know all of it. I’m not asking you to have it all figured out. I’m just asking you to stop pretending there’s nothing here.”
I look at our hands, his thumbs running along the back of my hand.
“When I get scared, and if I do something stupid or pull back or say the wrong thing”—I look at him—“I’m going to need you to give me grace.”
He squeezes my hands. “Done. And I’ll need the same. Because I’m going to mess this up. I don’t know how yet, but I most likely will, and I need to know you’re not going to disappear the first time I do.”
“I’m not going to disappear.” I will him to see that I mean it.
He exhales as if he’s been holding that breath since this conversation started.
We stand in the middle of the room, staring at our entwined hands.
“So?”
I lift my gaze to his. “Okay.”
“Just what every guy wants to hear when they lay their heart on the line.” He smiles.
“You know what I mean.”
“Does this mean I can stop torturing myself every morning when you’re wrapped around me?”
I laugh. “We have Tanner to consider.”
“He can have his own room now.”
“Easton…” I sigh.
“Fine. I’ll still share with him, but can I make nightly visits to your room?”
“We take this slow.” I put my hand on his chest, and he covers it with his own.
“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”
Isn’t that the thing with Easton? He flies in and out of things without fully thinking them through. But if this is going to work, I need to trust that he’s thinking that what’s between us is different.
Can we even go slow?
“So, we date.” I give him a firm nod.
“Dating.” He says the word as if it’s in another language and he’s getting used to the way it wraps around his tongue.
“Slow.”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He releases my hand and wraps his arms around me, hugging me.
I run my palms along his sides, closing my eyes, relishing the feeling of his arms around me.
“I know you think I’m crazy and impatient and irrational, but I see this working between us.”
I lift my head and look up at him. He looks down, our eyes meeting. I know he means it. Easton doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. This is something I’ve never felt before, but I’m not sure I can just let all the walls around me fall away that easily.
But for him, for Tanner, for us, I’ll try.
Because this is the first time I don’t want to run. I want to see what happens if I stay.