Chapter 4 #4
“At the shelter down the street,” she said sadly.
All her wardrobe was gone, her jewelry and furs.
They found a few small pieces of jewelry.
The rest was buried or had melted in the white heat of the bomb.
Luckily Iryna had been at the shelter when it happened, or she’d have been dead.
But it had finally made the point to her.
She stopped fighting Anton about going to Madrid.
He reported that to Sasha when he saw her at the hospital at noon.
She was relieved that Iryna was leaving but sad about the reason why, for both of them.
Like so many others, they were homeless now.
He would be sleeping with Sasha every night now, either at the hospital, in the basement of her apartment, or in a shelter somewhere else.
—
Anton took Iryna to the train the next day. She was quiet when he drove her there. She wasn’t a talkative woman so it didn’t surprise him. On the way to the train station, she looked out the window, deep in thought. They had lost all their material possessions, and lost each other years before.
“If anything happens to me, Anton, and even if it doesn’t, don’t feel guilty.
Life is short, especially here and now, with the war.
Do what you want and what you need. I’m sorry we weren’t a better fit.
We were never right for each other. We have a beautiful son, and for me that’s enough. ” She smiled at him.
“For me too,” he confirmed quietly.
“And don’t forget what I told you, I meant it, if it’s the girl I met, the doctor, I like her, and I can see that she’s kind.
She’d be perfect for you. Don’t let anything stop you.
We should get divorced anyway when this is over.
It’s stupid to stay married like this, especially now.
We should have done it years ago.” They were almost friends now that they were letting go, after being enemies for years.
“I thought you’d hate me if I suggested it,” he said.
“Half the time I hated you anyway,” she said, and laughed. “You had nothing to lose. I like you better now.” He looked at her ruefully and they both smiled at the irony of it.
“Thank you.” She was freeing him at last.
“I blamed you for feeling trapped. I trapped myself,” she admitted to him.
“Will you come back here?” he asked.
“There’s nothing for me to come back to,” she said, and he nodded.
“And it will take years to build the country back up again. I don’t want to wait, or rebuild the country with my bare hands.
If I like it, maybe I’ll stay in Spain, or go to Paris and see how that works.
We’ll have to see what we can afford when this is over. ”
“Maybe not much. We’ll have to see where it goes.
” They were both stunned by how totally the country had been destroyed, and how quickly.
There wasn’t a single major city left unmarked to an insane degree.
It felt strange to be talking about their separate futures, and even a divorce, on the way to say goodbye.
They were more like family now than husband and wife.
And liberated at last from what she considered her prison, she could afford to be generous with him.
He was no longer her jailer, just a man she no longer loved and hadn’t for years.
—
The train station was as crowded as it had been for weeks.
Thousands of women and children were there with their meager belongings and their pets.
Crying, hugging, devastated, dazed, many of the women recently widowed.
There were tearful goodbyes everywhere around them.
It took six hours for the train to come, and two hours to get on it.
Anton waited with Iryna. They were familiar to each other and there was nothing left to say.
When it was her turn to get on, she was carrying a small Louis Vuitton suitcase she’d been using for the shelters, and wearing jeans, running shoes, and a down jacket.
Her furs had gone up in flames with the house.
She looked into his eyes for the last time as his wife.
It felt like the end to both of them. There was as little left of their marriage as their home, just rubble and ash.
“Take care of yourself. Danilo needs you. We all do,” she said.
He bent to kiss her on the cheek, and she touched his and smiled and forced her way through the crowd onto the train.
She waved to him from the window, and there were tears in his eyes as the train pulled out of the station.
He cried easily now. He had seen so many people die who shouldn’t have, young men and women, children, old people who deserved an easier death.
There were so many of them he couldn’t save.
And he couldn’t save his marriage, but he no longer had to try.
They had freed each other, and forgiven each other.
He hoped that Iryna would find the life she wanted.
And if they survived the war, he and Sasha had a chance for happiness now.
He was grateful to Iryna for that, and for their son.
And the rest, the long years of misunderstanding and the material goals that meant nothing to him, he forgave her for.
He felt relieved as he drove back to work and wished her well, and hoped she would arrive safely in Madrid and find a better life there. He envied her the time she would have with their son. He missed him fiercely.