24
Tonight I was going to have to see Mal, and I’d have to pretend that I didn’t want her. That I hadn’t had her consume every dream, every nightmare.Luckily, I was a professional. So it wasn’t like I could, should, make a move on her while I was working. No matter how badly I wanted to. I needed to stop myself from flirting with her though. It wasn’t worth the consequences, from my employer, or her boyfriend, if that was what he was.I wasn’t stupid. I knew not to mess around with gang shit, but I was still struggling to wrap my head around the fact that she was dating the leader of The Brotherhood. The fucking Brotherhood. I had known that Jason had been a member, and he and Mallory used to be joined at the hip. I had presumed that Mal might have had a thing for bad boys, but Lorenzo D’Angelo wasn’t that, he was something so much worse.I sat by the pool with James. I had some time between clients and wasn’t in the mood to write up the meal plan that I had promised to do for Mrs Adams. She wasn’t going to be back in for a couple of days though, so I didn’t feel any guilt over not rushing to do it. Plus, meal plans bored me.“Dude, are you even listening?” James snapped his fingers in front of my face.“Yeah, yeah, some girl, really hot, perfect ass. I was listening,” I lied; I had managed to pick up on the jist of what he’d said, but my mind was elsewhere.“I was done telling you about her ten minutes ago. What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird for days now.” He raised his brows at me, and I gave him an apologetic half smile.“Sorry, man. Its nothing, just girl drama. I’ll get over it.” I shrugged as though it was no big deal. It absolutely was though, for months now I’d been trying to grow the balls to ask her out on a date. She had captured my attention the minute she walked into the gym last year, but I hadn’t done anything about it. Mostly because her brother had scared the shit out of me. He hadn’t been a big guy, nothing like me, but he had this presence about him that screamed danger, and he was protective as hell over his little sister. At one point I almost managed to bring myself to ask him if he’d be okay with me asking her out, but then he went and got himself murdered. He had left a broken girl behind; you don’t make a move on a girl who’s grieving. Over the months I watched her pull herself back together piece by piece, and every minute that I was around her, I found myself more into her. More desperate to shoot my shot.“I hope so, this mood doesn’t suit you.”I knew James wouldn’t push, not like Emilia had the other night. I had called her after my confrontation with Grey. I hadn’t been able to get out of my head and relax, so I headed over to her place to cheer myself up. But no matter what she tried, like baking the best brownies I’d ever tasted, I was stuck being a tense, miserable bastard. Her advice had been to ignore the threat and just date her if it would make me happy.
It would make me happy, but I didn’t think Emilia really understood just how badly things could end for me if I followed my heart. Na?ve little sausage.I flashed James a wide, mocking smile. “I’ll be back to shitting rainbows in no time.” I glanced up at the clock. I had five minutes until our session started, which meant that she was probably already in the building. “Drink after work?” I asked.“Delightful mental image, thanks dude. Sure thing, but seriously, perk up, I need a decent wingman tonight.” He winked and got up, slid his trainers back on and climbed back up the ladder to his poolside chair.There was no one in the pool. I reckoned he just enjoyed feeling like some water king on his worryingly unstable looking throne. Dude was way too big for the flimsy thing. Maybe it would cheer me up if it collapsed.I waited hopefully for a few minutes, but as the seconds ticked by and the chair stopped wobbling, I knew that it wouldn’t happen. I lifted my feet from the water and quickly dried them off before pulling on my trainers and heading away from the pool. By the time I had walked from the pool to the gym she would be ready, maybe she already was, but she wouldn’t emerge from the changing room until eight on the dot.“Toby.” Her voice hit me first, followed by the fresh zesty fragrance that always clung to her skin, even when she was sweating like a pig. I spun around in the corridor and found Mal standing in the doorway of the ladies locker room.“Are we, erm, okay?” Her fingers were tugging on a star shaped stud in her earlobe. I had never seen her do that before, and it wasn’t hard to work out that it was a soothing habit. My stomach sank at the realisation that she had never needed to comfort or calm herself around me before. But now things had changed.I cleared my throat and plastered what I hoped was a pretty convincing smile on to my face. “Of course, Vixen, now hurry your ass up, otherwise I’ll put push-ups back into your warm-up.”There, normal conversation for us. That wasn’t so hard.She groaned at my threat and pushed past me. A small smile sat on her lips, but it seemed about as fake as my own. She held the door open for me to follow her inside, then went to sit on a mat, twisting her hair into a quick, messy braid before she began wrapping her hands in pale pink fabric. I did the same, and ran through what today’s warm-up would actually be, then left her to start while I went to fill my water bottle and give myself a little talking to.You are a professional Tobias, remember that when she’s on top of you. You are a professional, and you value your life.Once she was warmed up, we began our combat session, moving through the usual motions, but we were both holding back. I wanted to be close to her, but I didn’t trust myself and kept tapping out whenever she managed to pin me down. And she… well I had no idea what was stopping her from pummelling the shit out of me.“Stop holding back,” she panted after half an hour.“I could say the same to you,” I shot back, walking away from her to take a long gulp of water. “If there’s something on your mind you know the options. Let it out, verbally, or physically.”I turned to walk back towards her, unsure which option I’d prefer her to pick. I wanted to know every single one of her problems, but I knew that I needed to avoid that emotional connection. I also wanted to have her body wrapped around mine, but could I continue to stop myself from making a move? “What do you want to do, little one?”She tensed and seemed to think for a moment, then her body suddenly collided with mine, throwing me to the floor. Her fist connected with my ribs, and my breath rushed from my lungs with a pained wheeze. She didn’t stop, her technique becoming sloppier with every punch. My own fists began to mirror hers. I knew that I had to keep it aggressive, I could not let myself become distracted by the warmth of her thighs as they held me down, or the way her breath was coming in short, heavy pants. The type of pants that I imagined…I threw her off of me, pushing her far enough away to have time to stand again, and wait for her next move.
She didn’t make one though, she just stared at me with fire burning in her emerald eyes.
I needed to stay focused. I made a move, raising my leg to kick her, but she caught my shin in such a swift movement that I lost all control of my balance, crashing down onto my back again and groaning at the impact. She came and stood above me, her feet planted either side of my hips, she opened her mouth to speak but before the words came out, I grabbed her ankle and roared a laugh as she fell backwards with a heavy thud.“Dick,” she muttered under her breath, and I sat up to check on her.She was fine. If anything, she looked happier than she had all session. She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m taking that as a win, that was a dirty move, Toby.”I swallowed hard at her choice of words and closed my eyes. I felt her shifting beside me, and when I looked at her again, she was on her knees, her face inches from mine.“Vixen,” I warned in a low growl.“Did you really mean what you said?” she asked quietly.“I...” I wet my lips, it was one thing lying to her on the phone, but having her knelt in front of me, her eyes searching mine so intently. The words got stuck in my throat.She leaned in closer, her lips gently brushing against mine, and I froze. “Take it back, Toby. Please,” she whispered and then closed the gap between us.My hands came up to cup her face just as hers tangled around my neck, drawing me in even closer. My tongue swept across her lip, and she moaned softly as I deepened our kiss. In that moment, time seemed to stand still, and I swear to God, I stopped breathing.We reluctantly broke apart, and she sighed in relief. Just as a feeling of dread crashed over me. I forced my hands away from her face and turned my head, unable to look at her.What had we just done? Did I have a death wish?“Mal, I can’t,” I choked the words out. “I’m so sorry.”I stood up and quickly walked away. I didn’t turn to look at her until I reached the door. Her jaw was tense, her eyes on me, a mixture of anger and disappointment filling them.“Why?” she demanded.“We just… can’t.”“But you want to?” she pushed and rose to her feet.“Mal, please just drop this.” I tried to get a hold of myself, tried to put some force behind my words.“You don’t get to kiss me like that and then walk away without any explanation, I’m a big girl, Toby, I can handle whatever truth you throw at me. Tell me why,” she said firmly, grounding out those last three words with so much power.
I couldn’t tell her. I needed to be harsh to keep her safe. That was all that really mattered. My feelings meant shit if there was any chance that she’d end up in danger.“I just don’t want you.” The words burned my throat, but there it was, if I wasn’t inside my own head, I’d have believed me.
Inside I was screaming. On the outside I hid it with a cold, blank face.Mal shook her head, but I didn’t wait around to hear what else she had to say. I couldn’t give her the chance to break me down, throwing enough words my way that she might pull the truth from me. She didn’t need to know the real reason. I may not be some scary motherfucker, but I could at least keep my mouth shut and protect us both from one.