Chapter 11 #3
I was already aware that I had no claim on his time. When I’d decided that I would try to come to this game, I had let him know that I didn’t even expect to see him, except when he was on the field. “Yes, go,” I urged.
“What are you going to do now?”
“I might sightsee. There’s a lot to do here and it’s a beautiful day.”
“That’s bullshit,” he answered. “You still look like you’re going to faint.”
“It was just hard to hold it in for so long,” I said. “When I saw you, I knew that I was really ok and I let everything slip. I can get it back together now.”
He didn’t seem convinced and he held up his phone.
“I’ll be watching where you are,” he said, because he could see my location like I could see his.
“Don’t do anything weird and make me run all over the city.
I saw a movie like that, where this babysitter was chasing kids and I’m nowhere as patient as that girl. ”
“I won’t make you chase me,” I said. “I’m going to sightsee, have dinner, and go to bed.”
“I’ll try to stop by later.”
“No, you don’t have to—” His phone rang. “Don’t get in trouble!” I said quickly. “Go.”
I could tell that he didn’t want to do that so I helpfully pushed him toward the door and he let me move him along.
“Bolt this,” he called from outside, and I did.
Then I went to the bathroom and saw that I looked worse than the scary cat I’d been dreaming about, but before I did anything to fix the situation, I went and lay down.
The rest of the afternoon was fine, after I forced myself to relax and my fingers uncurled from the fists I’d made.
There was a great natural history museum and lots of other things to do, but I found that the three-plus hours of unrelenting stress had made me tired.
After I looked around and grabbed dinner, I went back to the hotel and although it was a little early, I got ready for bed.
It had been pretty comfortable when I’d collapsed onto it before.
I didn’t expect to see Ronan again so I approached the door warily when someone knocked a little later. But all I saw through the peephole was the Woodsmen logo on a T-shirt, so I opened it right up.
“Good, I heard you unlock the bolt,” he said as he walked in.
“I know how to deal with motel doors. I mean, hotel. I grew up with them,” I reminded him.
Because I’d gotten the cheapest room possible, there was space around the bed for a desk with a small chair, but that was it. He carefully sat and I returned to lying down.
“How was sightseeing? Wait, hold on,” he said. He reached for the switch on the wall and the room flooded with light. Then he leaned forward and peered at me before nodding slightly and resting back in the chair, which creaked loudly. “You look better.”
“Thank you.”
“I mean that you look more like yourself,” he explained.
I was already aware that my appearance earlier could have frightened away both vampires and sharks. “My eyes swell shut when I cry. I don’t do it very often,” I said. I had been holding myself together pretty well, I had thought, until I’d seen him.
“You kind of scared the shit out of me,” he mentioned conversationally. “So, here’s what I was thinking. Rather than flying home on that baby plane with Mr. Gowan, you could go on a regular airline with a big plane doing a regular route.”
I had been thinking about the drive home versus a return flight. I didn’t like things to be out of my control but more important than that, I really didn’t like to be afraid. It was a useless emotion and flying was another thing I would have to conquer.
But maybe I could conquer it in a larger plane. “That sounds like a good idea,” I answered.
“Perfect, because I already got you a ticket.”
“You did?” I asked, and he nodded.
“I didn’t want you to drive all that way by yourself, trying to hurry to be on time for work on Monday morning. I know that you’d be fine but it made me worried.”
I didn’t want him to worry—that would distract him from football. I nodded and thought that it would be easy to find out how much I owed him so I could pay it back. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. You know, some of the guys have their girlfriends and wives here,” he mentioned. “I think they’re all sitting together.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“I mean, you could meet them,” he said. “Then you’d be with people.”
“I don’t mind being alone. I’m not very good at making friends, so it probably wouldn’t work anyway.”
The desk chair creaked and he glanced down at it before moving over to sit on the bed next to me. “You made friends with Kiya and the lunchroom gang. By the way, that’s a great name if they ever decide to start a band.”
“They made friends with me,” I corrected. “They’re very friendly people, and that’s why it worked. I never would have talked to them if they hadn’t done it first.”
“What about me?” he offered, but that was also wrong.
“Our friendship happened spontaneously,” I said, then reconsidered. “No, mostly it was because of you.”
“You came to my barn party. You also told me that you’d joined your gym to meet people.”
“But I’m not good at it,” I pointed out. “I joined the gym but I never made any connections there.”
“Think about trying it again,” he suggested. “If the people at the game aren’t nice to you, I would beat them up.”
“You’d beat up your teammates’ families?”
“Maybe I would say mean stuff instead, and wound with words rather than fists,” he told me. Then he stared hard at the bed. “What is that?”
“What?”
Ronan pulled down the sheet slightly and exposed more green plush. “Are you sleeping with a stuffed animal? Wait a minute, I recognize this guy. He’s from the miniature golf course.”
“He was my prize for winning,” I reminded him. “He has one eye so I named him Polyphemus.”
“Is that supposed to mean something?”
“Polyphemus was a Cyclops and Odysseus blinded him by driving a stake into his eye. If I’m remembering it right, the stake was on fire. It was so that the Cyclops wouldn’t eat him,” I explained.
“That’s a fun story. I’ll remember it so I can tell my future niece or nephew.” He waggled Polyphemus. “He doesn’t look like he’s going to eat you. This is a nice crocodile.”
“I only brought him because…” There was no good reason, but I’d been sleeping with him lately instead of leaving him on my desk. “When I was a kid, I used to have a teddy bear but we lost it somewhere along the way. It’s kind of the same thing.”
“Yeah, I used to have a blanket.”
But he probably hadn’t slept with it past the age of five. “Are you allowed to be here in my room?” I asked.
“I don’t think the hotel has rules about coed visitors,” he answered, “and the coaches don’t care.
The last time I had a bed check was in college but I’ll head up there soon, anyway.
Some of the guys went out tonight but I wasn’t interested.
I have to be at my best since I’m going to play tomorrow. ”
“For sure?”
He nodded. “We’ll see how many minutes I get. I know that I won’t be a Woodsmen starter but this is also a way to show off to the rest of the league. Another team might be interested, too.”
Somehow, I hadn’t thought of him leaving. Why hadn’t I thought of that? It was pretty normal for a football player to move around and play for different teams all over the country. I tried not to assume the expression that I’d seen in the mirror this afternoon, when I’d looked terrified.
Ronan was back to talking about the game, but he was worrying more about me in the stadium. “Don’t wear anything orange,” he said. “I don’t want you to get harassed.”
“I thought you would beat people up for me.”
“Yeah, but I only have two fists.” He held them up. “Their stadium seats seventy-five thousand.”
“I’m definitely going to wear orange,” I said. I sat up and scooted around him so that I could go to the closet, where I’d hung up my shirt for the game. “See? I got a jersey.”
He took it from me. “I didn’t—wait, what?” He had turned it around. “Since when does the team sell jerseys with my name on them?”
“They don’t. Not yet,” I said. “I bought a blank one and got it printed.”
Ronan looked at me. “Really? You did that?”
“You’re my favorite player,” I explained. “I’m a big fan.”
“I’ll look up in the stands and see you,” he said. “I’ll see you wearing my jersey.”
“In the crowd of seventy-five thousand?”
“Yes,” he told me. He pulled me to him, hugging me. “I’ll know you’re there.”
I would be, I thought, as I patted his hair. I decided that I always would.