18. Finn
EIGHTEEN
FINN
I was trying to play it cool, but inside, I was happy clapping like an excited seal.
Gay.
The hot professor was gay.
The credits started to roll and Jasper stretched his arms out, making me wonder what it would be like to lean into him and have him wrap them around me.
“It’s late. I should go.”
I didn’t let myself overthink what I said next. “Or you could stay. We could watch another movie and order dessert. Have a sleepover. Although, I’m picking the next movie and, just to warn you, it will be one from this century and will have lots of CGI.”
“I will ignore your ignorance over my classic movie choice and go. I have to check out in the morning. I can’t face trudging out early morning to pack my things.”
I twisted to bash the cushions behind me that weren’t in the right position. “Do you have somewhere you’re rushing off to in the morning?”
“Well, no.”
“Then stay. I don’t really want to be on my own, and well, you’ve had a bit of a night, so I guess you won’t be sleeping much. Why don’t we keep each other company?”
His expression softened. “Actually, that would be really nice. If you’re sure.”
I smiled. “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t sure. Stay. You can take the bed if you want, or we can camp out here. Whatever you’re more comfortable with.”
He picked at the blanket, not looking at me. “I’d like that.”
“Good. That’s decided then. I’ll call your hotel and ask them to pack your things and have them brought over here.”
He half coughed, half laughed as he lifted his gaze to mine. “You can do that? How rich are you?”
“It’s not about being rich. I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels, that’s all.”
“Well, thank you. I’m not used to people taking care of me. Usually, I’m the one in charge that people look to. It’s exhausting sometimes.”
My lips curled into a half smile as I eased myself up from my seat. “Well, I think I’ve told you on more than one occasion that my job is to take care of you, Professor.” I walked across the suite to the phone on the small side table near the front door. “Now, what would you like as dessert?” I tried to keep my voice neutral. I mean, the man had been out for a couple of hours and probably had no idea how to flirt, but the innuendo hung heavy, and Jasper didn’t hesitate.
“I’d love something cream filled that’s easy to swallow.”
Silence echoed for a moment before we both burst out laughing.
* * *
“Thank you for tonight. It has been… well, unexpected, but I appreciate you being here for me.” Jasper said, his voice sounding heavy with exhaustion in the dim light of the room. We’d decided to sleep out here after we ate half the desserts on the menu and watched The Fast and The Furious , both of us too exhausted to move.
We were both on the far edges of the sofa bed, and I half expected Jasper to build a wall of pillows between us, but he hadn’t gone that far. Yet.
“Are you okay? I mean, it was a lot, remembering all that after all these years.”
“I’m not really sure it’s hit me yet, but I’m starting to panic a bit.”
“Oh?” I asked, feeling like the professor needed the security of the darkness to be able to be honest.
“I mean, I don’t think my family will care, but still, it feels like a lot, you know?”
I shifted a little closer to him, even though I knew I should probably stay well away.
“I do. Trust me.”
There was a pregnant pause before Jasper spoke again. “Your scars?”
“Yeap.”
I could see Jasper’s profile as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. He was facing me. I wasn’t sure when either of us got so close, but I could have reached out a little, and I’d be touching him. I tried to calm the ache between my legs as his breath danced across my skin.
“Can you tell me?”
“I don’t really talk about it, but I guess you did tell me your secrets tonight, so it’s only fair.”
“Absolutely,” he replied, a hint of humour in his voice.
“I’ll give you the shortened version because I don’t want to depress you. I was seeing a boy when I was fifteen. I realised I had feelings for him and we’d been meeting up after school. I thought we were hiding it pretty well, but someone saw us and told my dad. He came home, confronted me, and when I refused to talk to him, he pushed me and I fell through the coffee table.”
“Finn,” he whispered.
“That was only the start of it,” I replied, the bitterness clear in my tone. “While I was having surgery to remove the glass, they were changing the locks and throwing my things out onto the street. By the time I was allowed home, I was homeless. No one came to pick me up from the hospital. My mum and dad wouldn’t answer my calls, my grandparents, friends, neighbours. All of them ghosted me. Turns out the boy didn’t want anyone to know he was gay, so told everyone I came onto him; forced him to do things he didn’t want to do. In the end, social services were called as I had nowhere to go and I was put into a group home, but I was in there two days when some of the boys jumped me for being a ‘fag’. I ended up back in hospital, my stitches pulled, wounds reopened. I was a mess—mentally and physically. The nurse looking after me introduced me to Bobby.”
I pulled the blanket up over me, a chill rolling over my skin at the thought of the man I loved like a dad.
“He’s who I was dancing for tonight. He ran this amazing halfway house. Took in kids like me who came out and were disowned, outed, cut off. He gave us a place where we were cared for and safe. God, I loved that man.”
“Loved?”
“He died six months ago.”
“Shit. Cancer… my mum told me who they were raising money for. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
My chest burned with the unexpressed emotion that I’d been forcing down since I lost him. “He was my person, you know. The one person who cared about me. Now I’m alone and it’s shit.”
A lone tear rolled down my cheek, and I inwardly cursed because this wasn’t me. I was strong, fearless, made of iron. I didn’t want to cry because I was scared if I started, I’d never stop. Bobby died, and I focused on the practical—the house, staff to run it, I quit dancing, found a job, a house of my own to settle down in. I told myself I’d do my grieving later. When I had time, when I could do it properly, but instead, I’d kept myself busy ever since. And now, lying here in the dark, rehearsals done, the charity event over, it hit me that I had a void to fill, otherwise, I might drown in the loss of Bobby.
Suddenly, an arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I didn’t try to fight it or question what he was doing. It had been so long since someone had touched me that I melted into him like an ice cream on a hot summer’s day.
“You’re not alone, Finn. I promise. I’m here for anything you need.”
“I like hugs,” I mumbled into his chest.
“I’ve never been much of a fan, but if hugs are what you need, I can do that. Might do me good. Apparently, they release oxytocin, which boosts happiness levels.”
“Did your fish research teach you that?”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me. “Something like that. Right, get some sleep. Those sore muscles need to rest.”
“Yes, Professor.”
“I thought we agreed on Jasper out of work.”
“Hhhmmmm,” I hummed as exhaustion took hold and the last thing I remembered was Jasper’s hand moving up and down my back, lulling me to sleep.