Chapter 37
Day Twelve
There are seven steps from the pavement to the door of Ollie’s house. Seven steps for me to muster my courage before I go in there and fight for the woman I love. I never expected I’d have to make a choice between Haley and the best friend I’ve ever had. But if it comes down to it, I’ll choose her every time.
I know I should have stood my ground with Ollie earlier. At the time, it blindsided me. It fucking hurts when a person who’s always had your back comes at you like that. The sickening disappointment sits, an uncomfortable shifting weight, in my gut.
I take one last look at Haley’s frantic text from two hours ago. The one I never replied to, scrambling for the words to comfort her, but abandoning the idea when they wouldn’t come. Now I’m second guessing that decision to wait to talk with her until I’ve sorted things with Ollie.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
I whirl to face the voice. Sam’s sarcastic tone is at odds with the dancing brown eyes that peer up at me from beneath a stripy hat topped with twin bright pink pom-poms. A few stray dark curls frame a face rosy with the cold. In her bulky white jacket, she looks round and squat like a friendly snow person. Looks can be deceiving.
“Come to check up on me, Sam?”
“Yeah, Rachel too. Strength in numbers.” She shoots a look further down the street where a silver AMG Mercedes edges into a park.
“Wonderful.” I match her sarcasm with my own.
Just what I didn’t need, these two siding with Ollie against me. I watch Rachel stride towards us, confident in glossy black heels and an elegant camel coloured wool coat.
“Don’t look so worried, Christian.” Her smirk suggests she enjoys the unsettling effect she has on me. “We’re here to watch the final. Haley invited us yesterday.” She scans my face, eyes narrowing. “What the hell are you doing out here, anyway?”
“Did she kick you out?” Sam chips in.
“You fucked something up, right?” Rachel’s tone is accusing.
“No. And no.” These two are so damn predictable, presuming it’s me who’s caused a problem. “Ollie came home.”
“Ahhh.” Sam looks at Rachel and something passes silently between them. “Don’t tell me—he’s being a dick about you and Haley.”
“You could say that.”
“Fucking Ollie,” Rachel mutters .
I might be imagining it, but I get a strange feeling these two could be taking my side here. But even if they are, the last thing I want is the pair of them going in there, guns blazing. Dealing with Ollie is my responsibility. Although it’s kind of nice to think they’d want to.
“Look, would you mind…” It’s a big ask because it’s freezing out here and what was a glimmer of rain has thickened to sleety splats on the pavement. “Would you give me a few minutes?”
“Sure,” Sam shrugs, surprisingly compliant.
“Two. No more.” Rachel holds up elegant gloved fingers. “In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s fucking snowing.”
“Thank you.” At the top of the steps, the huge wreath on the front door reminds me of the girl who placed it there, my sweet crazy Christmas loving girl. The one I’m about to go into battle for.
I bang the door knocker with three sharp taps. It swings open immediately, and there she is. There’s my little Santa Baby, wearing the set of Christmas pyjamas that have become my favourite—both to see her in and take off. She stands in the hallway, mouth dropped open. The sight of her red-rimmed eyes and wild hair stabs at me.
“Oh my god, you came back.” Her lips tip up in a delighted smile and small arms wrap around me, tiny fingers lacing across my neck, pressing me to her.
“Of course I did,” I murmur, guilt washing over me, knowing things I’ve done today have caused her doubt. “No dogs?” I ask, noticing the absence of feet pawing at me.
I expected at least they’d be pleased to see me. I’ve missed the pair of them sitting alone in my too-quiet apartment this afternoon. Being dogless is not a happy state, one I’d like to do something about .
“Outside. Squirrels.” She hums against my ear, her breath tantalising.
“Who is it?” Ollie’s voice carries over the sound of the television.
“Tell him it’s carol singers.” I smile into her hair, inhaling the fresh smell.
She pulls back from me, emerald eyes glittering with mischief. “It’s carol singers,” she calls, giggling softly as Ollie’s lack of reply signals he’s bought the lie—and never watched Love Actually .
“I’m so sorry, Haley,” I begin, smoothing back her untidy hair, tucking one of those wayward strands behind the dainty shell of her ear. “I suppose I knew all along he wouldn’t be happy. But, coward that I am, I just put it out of my mind, and hoped that by the time he came home, we’d have planned how to break the news to him.” I regret ignoring the prospect of Ollie’s arrival while hidden away in our little bubble. “And he was always a bit vague about when he’d be back. Damn, I wish I’d asked the question.”
“Me too.” She sighs. “I should have guessed he’d react this way. He feels responsible because he’s the one who brought us together. And scared because that’s exactly what happened with Jack.”
This reminder only makes my anger flare brighter. Knowing Ollie has lumped me in with the douchebag dentist, making assumptions I’ll treat Haley the same as that piece of shit fires me up again.
“I’m going to sort this out with him, Haley. Fight for us.”
“Good luck. That’s what I’ve been doing on and off for the past couple of hours. Fighting with him. But he’s still being a stubborn pain in the arse. Maybe when he sees us together.”
There’s an uncomfortable niggle of shame, knowing I left her to face Ollie on her own, to defend the two of us in a way we’d never expected would be needed. Although pride and gratitude also surge. Haley has put us first, put me first, not flinching away from the hard stuff. Underneath, she’s just as gutsy as her two bolshy friends, who right this moment announce their arrival with a clatter of heels on the steps. Rachel and Sam bustle in, pushing past us.
“Time’s up.” Rachel says.
They strip off coats and gloves and make a beeline for the lounge. I feel sorry for Ollie. I’ve got unexpected backup. He’s outgunned this time.
We follow them through. Ollie’s seated on the sofa, eyes widening at the sudden invasion of people. Sam slides in on one side of him and Rachel on the other. He shuffles uncomfortably under their twin death stares.
“What’s this, an intervention?” He’s looking a little intimidated. Can’t say I blame him.
“Hmmm, maybe more of an interrogation,” Rachel says, with that low voice that harbours a touch of menace.
“How about an inquisition?” Sam suggests brightly.
“Maybe not,” Rachel argues. “Wouldn’t that involve torture?”
“Probably.” Sam presses a finger to her lips, eyes to the ceiling, as if mulling over exactly how she’s going to torture Ollie. “Maybe not,” she agrees after a beat. “Could get messy. Why don’t we settle for a nice cross-examination since we have a kick-arse lawyer in the room?”
“Perfect. Cross-examination it is.”
Rachel angles her body towards Ollie, blue eyes lit with a threatening gleam. It seems she’s overruled my plan to deal with the situation myself. I decide to let her have her bit of fun while I gather my thoughts. I’ve been rehearsing what I want to say to Ollie for the last couple of hours, but I didn’t expect an audience. It’s thrown me that we’ve got company—especially these two who assume they have the right to wade right into the thick of the problem.
I move from where I’ve been watching from the doorway, and take a seat in one of the wide armchairs, vacant due to the absence of the dogs. Haley follows me and I pull her onto my lap. She shuffles back into me, and I try not to be distracted by the ripe curve of her bum, or the weight of her breasts beneath my arm, as we settle in to watch the entertainment. While the banter’s all been a bit tongue in cheek, I get the feeling Ollie’s about to be roasted alive.
“So, Mr Templeton—Ollie—I can call you Ollie?” Rachel’s all courtroom serious as she fixes him with a smile that’s borderline cruel, as if he’s a mouse and she’s a feral cat toying with him before she rips him apart. He nods, playing along with her, but I can see the disquiet in his eyes.
“I gather you’ve chosen to represent yourself?”
He nods again.
“Just as well, I think.” She pauses, scanning the room. “Since I’m not sure there’s anyone else here prepared to defend you.” I can see she’s right on that count. Everyone here is on Team Haley and Christian.
“OK, first question.” She folds her arms, tipping her head to one side, mouth set in a terse line. “Would you agree that Christian Steele is a good man?”
Ollie nods again. Like one of those bobbleheads people have on their dashboards, it seems to be his only form of communication, dumbstruck under her questioning glare.
“I gather that’s a yes, but would you state that for the record, please? ”
When he finally speaks, he’s answering Rachel, but looking at me. His hazel eyes meet mine, this morning’s cold anger still there, but maybe also a flicker of shame.
“Yes, Christian’s a good man.” His voice is low, tinged with reluctance.
“Thank you. And would you also agree that Haley Templeton is an intelligent and capable woman able to make good decisions?”
“Absolutely,” he says. He gives his sister a soft smile, and in his expression I see the love and respect he has for her, even though he hasn’t exactly shown it today. “Probably better ones than me.”
Rachel pounces. “Repeat that last thing you said for me, please.”
“I said Haley can probably make better decisions than me.” Ollie speaks confidently, loudly, as if he is indeed delivering his words to a packed courtroom.
“I rest my case.” Rachel’s smile is smug. “So—”
“Enough.” I lift Haley off my knee, rising to my feet before settling her back into the chair. Rachel’s had her fun, but this is not a game. This is my life and Haley’s, not an episode of Judge Judy. It’s up to me to take the stand in my defence.
“But—”
“I said enough, Rachel.” I ignore the way her lips thin into a terse line of displeasure. I’m going to say what needs to be said. Even though I know there’s a risk Haley may walk away from me once I do. “This is between Ollie and me.”
I swallow, my throat thick with apprehension. I’m about to drag up stuff I thought Ollie and I had put behind us. But his reaction this morning suggests it’s far from buried. Now there’s no choice but to have it out with him .
“Ollie, I know why you’re being such a prick about this. You don’t think I should be with Haley. That, because she’s your sister, she’s off limits.” I pause, inhaling a jagged breath. Once I say the words, there’s no going back. “Just like Kendra was.”
Three pairs of female eyes bore into me, the question they both want and fear to ask written all over their faces. I study Haley. She licks at her lips, skin pale, and I think I read a flash of hurt in her questioning expression.
I’ve worked so hard to get her to think well of me, to trust I’m a better man than everyone says. And mostly I am. Except for one lapse of judgement at a party over two years ago. I wish I could wind back time, because if I could, it’s a night of my life I’d do over again very differently.
However, if we’re going to have any chance at a future, Haley needs to know all of me. Secrets will eat away at you. And if she ever found out—it would only take a slip of the tongue from someone who was there, or from Ollie—it wouldn’t be the knowledge that would end us, but the fact I kept it from her. So I’m telling her now, and she can decide what to do with it.
“One night at a party over at Teddy’s, when Ollie was away—that trip to Peru just before Kendra and him got together—something happened between her and me.” I close my eyes and take another deep breath, gathering courage. “She was drunk. We all were. And while that’s the reason it happened, I’m not using it as an excuse. Even drunk, I knew I should have pushed her away, but I didn’t.”
The moment Kendra Cole cornered me against the worktop in Teddy’s kitchen, pressing her shapely body hard against mine and kissing me like she meant it, will be forever etched in my brain. And that, under the fog of alcohol, I allowed my own instinctive response to overrule both my usual caution with women, and my loyalty to a friend, will always be one of my biggest regrets.
I knew Ollie was smitten with her, yet still I let it happen. Guilt drove me to tell him. He laughed it off, and we made a deal to put it behind us. Ollie made it seem like forgiving me for the drunken make out with the girl he’d been attracted to for months was the easiest thing in the world. Now I know different.
I swallow again, hard. I search Haley’s eyes. They’re calm; eerily so. Is there a storm behind them and it’s coming my way?
“It was a mistake. It meant nothing to either of us. But that’s not the point. It shouldn’t have happened at all. Not when I knew how he felt about her.”
“And you promised me.” Ollie’s voice is heavy with bitter disappointment. It tears at me, a painful reminder of my vow. “You promised, Christian. We agreed we’d never let a woman come between us. That we’d be straight with each other.” He shakes his head, eyes closed, a ragged exhale filling the silence.
I turn back to him. “Ollie, I’ve been upfront with you about this since the moment you walked in the door this morning. And I was right. You think this is the same as what happened with Kendra. But it’s not.” He looks up at me, and I can see he’s planning to argue back. “This isn’t about you and me, Ollie. It’s about Haley. Neither of us gets to make the rules. She does.”
Haley’s face is pale with tension, hands clasped over her mouth as with wide eyes, she scans between the brother she loves, and the man who loves her. Me. And while I am fighting for myself right now, I’m mostly fighting for her.
“Ollie, just because Haley’s your sister, it doesn’t give you the right to make rules around her. Whoever she chooses to be with—or has ever chosen—that’s not on you, that’s on her. When you act like you did today, it’s disrespectful to the person she is. She’s smart and capable—”
I can’t help but flash a smile at this amazing woman, offering her my belief, knowing she doesn’t always believe in herself.
“Haley knows what she wants. And if I’m what she wants…” My voice cracks, and I can hardly breathe for fear of what the next minutes will bring. “She may not. Not after what she’s just heard.” Her eyes are a deep unfathomable green, locked on mine. I don’t flinch away. “But if I am, that’s her decision to make, not yours to decide for her.”
And then she’s on her feet. Her arm loops through mine, and my heart pounds against my ribs, as without words, she signals her choice by taking her place at my side. We face him together.
Ollie’s eyes dart between us. Thoughts ripple through them, as they flicker green and brown like autumn leaves whipped by the wind. He leans forward, elbows on knees, chin propped on his hands, as if deliberating. After a few beats of silence, he moves to stand, then hesitates a moment, but Sam elbows him forward. He’s on his feet, reaching for Haley first, pulling her into a hug.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I’ve been a jerk. A jerk who loves you, but still a jerk.”
“It’s OK, Ollie,” she murmurs. “As long as you’re a jerk who can apologise, it’s OK.”
He releases her and steps towards me. I take his outstretched hand. His grip is firm, as his eyes fix on mine, his expression more serious than I think I’ve ever seen in my normally upbeat friend.
“I’m sorry mate. I should never have said those things…”
“It’s OK, man. I get it. I mean, I love that you want to look after her. But I do too. And I will.”
“I know.” Ollie pulls me into a bone-crushing hug and I realise that with a little time, a little forgiveness, everything’s going to be alright between us.
Much as that’s a relief, when he releases me, it’s not the state of our friendship I’m most concerned about. I’m immediately searching for confirmation from her. As if sensing my desperation to be clear about where we stand, Haley inserts herself into the space between Ollie and me. She sends two small hands around my neck, slender arms pulling me tight. The tension gripping my chest eases at the whisper of her words against my ear.
“I want you Christian Steele. All of you. The good bits and the not so good. I don’t need the perfect man. I just need you.”
The rest of the world falls away as we breathe in each other, but it’s only a precious moment before we’re pulled back into reality, interrupted by Sam’s brisk voice.
“Now, we’ve got all that nonsense behind us,” Sam says, grabbing the remote, “time to place your bets on who’s going to win Wild For The Win.”
The TV flares into life, and we all settle back into our seats, turning our eyes towards it. As the opening music sounds, Ollie snatches the remote from Sam, bumping up the volume before flopping onto the couch beside her.
“So, what do you think, Christian?” he asks. “You should know better than anyone. Who’s going to take the prize?”
“My money’s on Gavin Markham.” I’m sticking with my original prediction .
I’m glad it’s Gavin who has a shot at winning this thing, not me. I’m glad it’s not me there on that screen tonight, because if I was, the woman in Christmas pyjamas, curled against my chest, the green apple scent of her hair filling my nose, the downy skin of her cheek pressed against mine, wouldn’t be my girlfriend. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’ve waited a long time, and it’s me who’s the biggest winner.
“How does it feel?” Haley asks. “Knowing it’s over?”
She’s wrong. It’s not over. This pre-recorded final isn’t the end. I have to endure tomorrow night’s live ‘reunion’ episode before I can put this whole nightmare in the past. One last hurdle; me there, live on camera with the critical eyes of the world upon me. It’s a sickening prospect, but I’m bound by that contract. There’s no escape.
“It’s not done yet,” I say gloomily. “There’s still tomorrow. And I’m dreading it. They’re going to rip me to shreds.”
“They’re not,” she says, tilting her head towards me. There’s an excited twinkle in her eyes, and her mouth curves up in a secretive smile. “Trust me. They’re not.”