Chapter Twenty-Two
Carys couldn't look at Aidan, afraid of his judgement. Shame ignited in her chest, burning hotter as each second passed.
For the first time in ages, she pictured her mother, the most beautiful woman in any realm.
That wasn't a daughter's truth. That was the stone truth.
Her mother never appeared older than a maiden of twenty-three.
As with every beautiful witch, most assumed Eira the Deviant sacrificed virgins for her eternal youth. Meical insisted that wasn't true.
She would have feared the price of the magic.
Carys forced herself to face Aidan. She wasn't certain if he was wan from the potion or the tale. "So now you know... there is no help for one such as me."
"I know no such thing." The intensity of his tone surprised her. "A mother who couldn't be parted with her child? It is selfish, but understandable."
"You understand nothing at all," she said, unable to hide her bitterness. "She expected to find a way out of the Curselands. Pride is ofttimes the downfall of Curse Mages."
"So she thought that she could get you out—"
"My mother claimed that she brought me here for my own good. So that no one in the Starlands could put me to death or seal my magic."
Aidan nodded. "So she cared—"
"She didn't want them using me as a weapon."
She expected the harsh truth to shut him up. But he shook his head. "I don't believe those are the only reasons that she didn't wish to be parted from you. She was your mother, and she loved your brother enough to venture into hell for him."
"How can you say such? You, of all people!" she snapped. "You live a wretched existence, all for someone else. Would you have dragged that person down here? Do you think that is love?"
Misery washed over his face. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. In truth, the Starlands may have been better off if I had acted differently."
She didn't recall him ever so conflicted. His anguish doused her burning anger and shame. "I may not understand love, but what my mother did wasn't love."
He sighed. "What happened when she took you here? I suppose she found your brother?"
"Aye. I cannot say if we were an ordinary family, but we remained together. We were already rotten, but the Curselands made us worse. My mother practiced every dark art to find an escape. And my father..."
"Your father?"
The image of a fierce fighter with a long, scraggly beard sparked in her memory before extinguishing.
"He was a great warrior, but being trapped down here drove him mad.
One day... he found a Jumping Portal. The portals never last for long, and by then the corruption chained him to the Curselands.
But my father couldn't stand another moment here. Surely you understand."
"Indeed," he murmured.
"I was only five... I can scarce remember, but Meical told me that Papa snatched me up and tried to jump through the portal with me."
"You were five?" He dipped his head. "Then you spent three years here and if you left..."
"I would have died." She picked at a hole in her shawl. "Mama only barely got me away. Papa still went through the portal."
Her father falling, face red with anger, eyes as black as the Jumping Portal.
"We never saw him again," she whispered.
Aidan coughed. "Perhaps his madness made him believe he was saving you? Taking you to the sun..."
It irked her that he equated madness with wanting to see the sun. "You think he had noble intentions? Did anyone ever tell you that baseless idealism is a rather annoying part of your personality?"
He glanced up with a lopsided grin. "But the rest of my personality is charming?"
She never understood his penchant for joking about serious situations. "You aren't the only one to suggest Papa wanted me to see the sun. Meical said the same."
That wiped the grin off his face. He went taut at the comparison.
She didn't want to say anymore, afraid to open herself up to jests about her painful past. But she had already started. "Mama told me that Papa wanted my death. It was only later that I found out the truth. He discovered the true reason Mama brought me here."
Aidan's shoulders slumped. "Should I ask?"
"I shouldn't if I was you." She shifted her position to hide a stain on her skirt. "You'll be so disgusted that you shan't want to do any healing of the Curselands."
He reached forward and took her hand. She flinched from his warm, gentle touch, but she didn't pull away. "Tell me," he said. "I shan't change my mind. I never break a promise."
She still couldn't force the words out. Aidan was the only one who might give her an honest opinion.
The only one who would let her know if she was inherently rotten.
"Sacrifice Magic is very powerful," Carys began.
A strangled scream echoed in her mind, overlaid with the scores of screams over time.
She shivered. "Mama always believed her key to escaping the Curselands was sacrificing my life. That was the reason that she brought me down here."
Her stomach clenched at the force of Aidan's horror. As the daughter of depravity, she should expect disgust. Her mother's wickedness flowed in her veins and she could never love.
Shock rippled through her as Aidan squeezed her hand. Gentleness and solace seeped through his touch. Something never offered to her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Carys blinked. "Why?"
Sadness shone in his eyes. "No one should ever have their own mother do such a thing to them. Mothers ought to love their children and want the best for them. My mother always said Conan and I were her future. Her legacy for the world."
Her dead heart wrenched at taking him from such a mother. "When Curse Mages have children, it's always for their own personal benefit. Whether to gain them loyal followers, train their young to be devoted servants... or sacrifice. There is no other reason."
"Ever?"
"That's why I vowed never to have a child," she said, struggling to appear indifferent.
A few uncomfortable moments passed. Aidan took another drink of water and cleared his throat. "What happened to your mother?"
"As far as I know, she's dead," she said. "I was nine years of age when she attempted to sacrifice me. Sometimes I wonder why she waited that long. I suppose she was waiting for my magic to grow."
"My only daughter... I loved you too much. And we must always sacrifice what we love in this world..."
Carys swallowed, the memory summoning unaccountable pain.
"I'd be dead if it weren't for my brother.
He had mastered control of a Curse Creature, a great one like Spiky.
He sent it after Mama... and we ran. Meical's connection to the creature was severed, likely because it died.
He thinks that the beast and Mama destroyed one another.
And we never spoke of Mama after that day. "
Aidan sighed. "I imagine it would be hard to speak of with your brother. My brother often had trouble talking about our father."
That wasn't the same thing, but she didn't pick at that point. "I never speak about Mama... not even to Gil. I shouldn't have told you."
"Perhaps you needed to talk about it?"
Her first urge was to object, but she couldn't think of a reasonable alternative. Perhaps she wanted to distract him from his pain and help him understand her truth.
"So you know." She tried to pull away from him. "I can't love."
"I heard your tale." He squeezed her hand before loosening his grip. "There wasn't a thing about not being able to love."
She removed her hand, his warmth lingering on her skin. "But—"
"Your bother risked his life to save you." Aidan's face twisted, as if it hurt him to speak well of Meical. "Did it benefit him?"
"I have considerable magic. It gained him my loyalty, a most rare commodity in the Curselands."
"He has quite a following, if not an honorable one." Aidan wrinkled his nose. "Would he let you die now?"
Carys crossed her arms, hugging herself slightly.
Without a doubt, Meical would sacrifice her, but the words wouldn't surface.
She couldn't imagine Meical allowing her death.
Not the young man who wandered through the barren lands, carrying his sick sister on his back.
Not the young man who sought the fearsome Bloodwitch, doing everything possible to persuade Claudia to help her.
Not the brother who wanted her to see the sun.
She pushed aside those iron truths. "He still needs me. If the day ever comes, I swear he would sacrifice me, no matter what he says to the contrary."
"It's too easy to lie in the Curselands."
Carys didn't know whether he meant Meical was lying, if she was lying to Aidan, or lying to herself.
The prince confused her too much. She stood up, dusting the dirt from the mattress off her skirt. "You should try to sleep. Mistress Claudia expects us in a few hours and she shan't be pleased if we're tardy."
"I don't think I can fall asleep," the exhausted Aidan claimed.
"Well... I must get some rest," she lied, certain her absence would lull him to sleep.
His hand shot up, wrapping around hers. "Stay with me," he said, his weak voice almost inaudible. "I don't want to be alone."
"You'll be asleep... how would you even know if I was there?"
"The dreams..."
Now she understood. "The potion is burning corruption out of you and the corruption is fighting to remain." She swallowed. "It makes you see terrible things."
"Does it show the truth?" Aidan asked. "The future?"
"Not unless you are given to premonitions or prophecy." She ran her free hand through her hair. "It mostly taunts you with your deepest fears, trying to drive you into madness."
"You could have mentioned it before I took it," he said, faint levity softening the words.
"I didn't think it would happen to you," she said. "I expected it would be quick and there wouldn't be any effects. You're so unlike most down here. I thought the corruption wouldn't have much sway. Not like when I took the potion..."
He furrowed his brow. "You saw terrible things?"
She gave a swift nod, fearing his questions. Instead, he just squeezed her hand. She didn't understand him, but never felt so understood.
"Please stay," he murmured. "I don't want to be alone."
He was being ridiculous. But she didn't waste time arguing. She needed to attempt sleeping. So she sat down next to him, their hands still linked.
"Thank you," Aidan said, his tone too sweet for the Curselands. "You may have the bed."
"I am fine on the floor."
He yawned, flopping back onto the straw mattress. She believed he was too weary to argue. But she always underestimated his stubborn nature. "The bedding is big enough," he said. "We can share."
She let out an exasperated sigh before lying down next to him. His green eyes were so close. "Don't tell my brother," she whispered. "He swore that he'd curse off the favorite parts of any man who dared sleep with me."
"I am probably one of the few that your brother doesn't have to worry about," he said with a sleepy laugh.
That almost drew a laugh from Carys. "I suppose," she said, suppressing mirth at the thought. "Indeed, you're fortunate your dearest love has no brothers."
Light snoring was the only response. She angled her head, endeavoring to not awaken Aidan as she stared at the door connecting their rooms. It was hard enough sleeping in her own room, but she had little hope finding sleep beside him.
Not with his snoring, the straw in the mattress poking her, and the welcoming warmth of his body.
Settling down, she couldn't deny that Aidan worked his way into her shadowy soul. She didn't understand it. Aside from his magic, there was nothing special about him.
He wasn't even that smart.
But his unrelenting optimism beguiled her. She never knew someone who lost as much as him and still saw the light in the dark. No matter how many times he was pushed down, he got back up. Even when he suffered, he tried to comfort her.
If it weren't for the effects of the potion, she wouldn't believe any corruption resided within him.