Chapter 18 #2
‘Because we need these crops. They’ll either be food or for surplus to sell.
And we need both of those things ideally.
We lost so much when the farmhouse was burgled,’ she added.
‘And I’m still suffering the consequences.
It sounds a ridiculous state of affairs, but even just buying more trays for seedlings isn’t something we can manage at the moment.
I spent pretty much all the money I had in reserve this month replacing the seeds that were lost.’ She threw her ponytail back over her shoulder, blowing out air as if she was hot.
‘Sorry, I’m just in one of those moods today. I didn’t mean to burden you with it.’
Gemma dropped her head and looked at her feet.
She had no idea things were so tight. She should have noticed; probably would have if she hadn’t become so engrossed in her own project.
The garden would be a lovely thing to have, but it wasn’t a necessity and even though it wasn’t costing them anything at the moment, it would, in time, when they came to think about planting and all the countless things which would need repair.
It simply didn’t fit with the way Willow and Rowan lived their lives, or the vision of self-sufficiency they had for the farm.
It was an expensive luxury and one they could ill afford. She felt her heart sink into her boots.
She touched a hand to Willow’s sleeve. ‘No, I’m sorry.
I’ve had my head turned by the thrill of chasing our secret garden, and I should have realised how things were.
Plus, you should never feel you’re burdening me with this.
You’re paying for me to live here – use your water and electricity, eat your food…
and so far I’m not sure I’m helping all that much. ’
‘Don’t ever say that, Gemma, because it simply isn’t true. We love having you here, and—’ She stopped suddenly, giving Gemma a coy look. ‘I was about to say that Leo’s been happier than he has for weeks, but maybe that isn’t something you want to hear.’ She peered up at Gemma through her lashes.
Was it? Gemma wasn’t sure. She didn’t want Leo to be unhappy, but… She touched a finger to a piece of cardboard on the bench where a ladybird was slowly crawling. She waited until it had reached her finger, smiling as it clambered aboard.
‘We’re getting on better,’ she said lightly. ‘And that can only be a good thing. I guess you always feel there are things left unsaid whenever a relationship ends but, in our case, it was definitely true. I think I’m only just beginning to realise that.’
Willow was studying her face. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t say this, except that perhaps it might help…
If you remember, I asked about your split when you first arrived.
I wanted to know how recent it was because not long after we became friends with Leo, he opened up to Rowan about something in his past he felt we ought to know.
The details aren’t mine to share, but it was something which only happened a few years ago, so nothing to do with you but…
perhaps it’s something you ought to ask him about.
It’s not really any of my business but, for what it’s worth, you’re good people. You deserve to be happy.’
Gemma nodded, her head beginning to fill with thoughts from her past. Things she hadn’t said but plenty that she had… She swallowed.
‘Thank you,’ she said, touched by the warmth of Willow’s smile.
‘Although I don’t think he’s having a very good day.
He was in the kitchen a few minutes ago, looking at a part for the solar panels.
He said there was a problem with it, but he couldn’t work out what.
It didn’t sound as if he was having much luck. ’
‘They certainly seem beset by problems at the moment. Did he tell you what else has happened?’
‘No?’ The ladybird had done a full circuit of her hand and was now crawling up her arm. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘We lost a panel. It cracked across one corner, and we obviously can’t afford to replace it – they’re several thousand pounds each.
It’s annoying, but not necessarily the end of the world.
Leo says we can still use it but the array won’t be as efficient as it should be.
Plus, its lifespan will be much reduced compared to the others. ’
‘He never said anything.’
Willow studied the floor. ‘No, I think he feels bad about it because he reckons it was his fault. It’s not, it’s just one of those things, but…’
Gemma knew exactly why he hadn’t said anything to her – because it would be one more failure to add to the list of everything she already held him responsible for.
‘So how does a panel get cracked? Surely they should be tough enough to withstand most things.’
‘Leo thinks the most likely reason is that there was too much stress on it. One of the frames might have buckled slightly or twisted. There’s a lot of them, and because they’re all ground-mounted and connected together, if there’s an issue with one of the mounts somewhere then it kind of has a knock-on effect. ’
‘But aren’t they on concrete foundations?’
‘Yeah… I don’t really understand.’ She shook her head. ‘I do the green stuff. The panels are very much Rowan and Leo’s baby. He’ll sort it, though,’ she added, smiling brightly. ‘He always does.’
Willow’s face was as open and honest as it always was but, given the subject of their conversation, Gemma had to wonder how much this was adding to Willow’s anxiety about the farm’s finances.
Perhaps now wasn’t a good time to mention the issue with the door to the hencoop.
She nodded and lifted the ladybird from her arm with her other hand, offering it to the window so that it might fly away.
She tapped a piece of the cardboard. ‘Right then, show me how you’ve been making these pots and I’ll take over from you. ’
Approaching the garden, Gemma paused to unfold the sheet of paper which was her constant companion.
A photocopy made in the library all those weeks ago, it was a sketch of the original garden that Flora had created.
The paper was creased, torn slightly across one corner and mended with sticky tape, and in the middle, rather annoyingly, she had dropped a blob of marmalade from her toast one morning.
Even though she had removed it with a quick swipe of her finger, an impression remained, partly obscuring what lay beneath.
But it didn’t matter; the details had long since been committed to memory.
Now, when she looked at the sketch, it wasn’t to remind herself how the garden would once have looked but more to allow herself to dream, to imagine everything the garden would be one day. Now, she wasn’t so sure…