Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
CALLUM/CASH
Then
Sugar On The Cutting Edge
Some illusions taste like love…until the crash makes you question if it ever was.
Livianna curls into me as we catch our breaths. “We can’t stay in here for long, but I want just a few minutes before we need to get back out to the party.”
“That’s fine.” I hold her in my arms. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. That was perfect.” She kisses my chest. “Was it good for you?”
“Out of the world, fantastic. Better than I’ve ever had and I mean that.” My stomach does a corkscrew kind of spin right up into my throat. “But we should’ve used a condom.”
“Oh well. Nothing’s going to happen. It never does on the first try.”
Try?
“We’re hoping to avoid you getting pregnant, right?” I shift to find her gaze.
“Of course, Callum.” She pushes up and out of my embrace. “I thought it was perfect.”
“It was.” I sit, still trying to piece together why she had a meltdown.
Faith…or Zara means nothing to me and I thought I made that clear, but it was like Lily couldn’t hear a word I was saying. She moves to get out of bed when someone knocks on the door.
“Fuck. That’s probably Bren.” She wraps the sheet around her and gets up to answer the door. “Bren, is that you?”
“Yeah. Open the door. I’ve got what you need.”
She does and he slips inside.
He eyes her up and down. “Ah, Liv. Why do this now?”
“I wanted to and it helped calm me down.” She turns to me and flashes a weird, fake kind of smile.
I’m sitting naked on the edge of the bed, trying to grasp what crazy mistake I just made. I love Lily, but this was reckless as fuck. I just felt hopeless watching her fall apart and wanted to make her feel better.
Bren gazes over at me. “There’s blood all over the sheets. What the fuck is wrong with you two?”
My forehead crinkles up. “What?”
“Cash, you knew she was a mess. Why would you do this?” Bren tips his chin toward the mattress. “You took her virginity when she was having a—”
“Bren, I’m fine. It was my decision.” She tightens the linens around her.
I check out the surrounding area. Crescent smears are all over the bed. Too much if you ask me. I lift the pillow covering my dick. It has a little blood on it, but nothing like the story the sheets are telling.
I raise my confused stare. “I’m not sure that’s all from…”
Bren studies the blankets more. His brows furrow and he turns to Livianna. There’s nothing but guilt written all over her face.
What’s that about?
He stalks over to her. “Show me.”
“No.” She backs up.
“Do it now, Livianna, or else I’ll go get Mom and Dad and they can deal with it.” He looks at her with resolve.
She glares. “I would never do that to you.”
“You wouldn’t have to.” He reaches for her arm.
She flinches. “Don’t. The sheets will fall off.”
“I don’t care if I have to strip you bare. Show me your arms.”
She glances at me with terror washing over her expression. “But—”
“Livianna, now!” Bren’s shoulders broaden.
She lowers her head and holds out one of her hands. Blood slides down her skin.
My chest caves in. What the fuck happened to her? Did I do that?
Bren growls. “The other one, too.”
She changes arms and again the same thing.
My heart pounds. “Guns, I swear I didn’t do that.”
“I fucking know that, Cash.” Bren spins to me, more angry than I’ve ever seen him. “Get in the shower and get dressed. Livianna and I need to have a chat.”
I nod, grab my clothes off the floor, and stride into the bathroom, feeling like I’m in the Twilight Zone.
I’m shutting the door when Bren lays into Lily. For a second, I wanna go defend her, but he says something that stops me.
“You couldn’t wait until I brought you these? When the fuck are you gonna stop with this shit? Because if you don’t, you’ll screw up one day and the results will be something you can’t come back from.”
I peek out to see what he’s doing. He hands her two blue pills. She takes them and slams them into her mouth.
“They’ll calm you down.” He hands her a glass of water. “Swallow and show me you took them.”
She takes a drink, opens her mouth, and sticks out her tongue. “Are you satisfied now?”
“No. We need to cover this shit up.” He flings his hand toward the mattress. “You need to get dressed, change the massacre of the bedding, put the blankets into the laundry, make the bed with clean sheets, and straighten up the room. Cash’s mom is trashed and plans on staying the night.”
“But I was going to sleep down here with him tonight.”
“He’s staying in my room, so you can forget about that.” Bren turns his back to Livianna so she can get her clothes on as he tears the linens off the mattress. “Are there any transparent bandages down here?
“I think there are some in the en suite. I’ll check when Callum is done.” She mopes over to Bren and places her hand on his back. “Please don’t be mad at me. I was scared and couldn’t get out of it.”
“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t have slept with him. You’re playing a dangerous game, Livianna, and it’s not going to end well.”
“I swear I’m not. I was hurting and wanted to feel someone love me. Just me, not her, and Callum does.”
Bren’s demeanor softens and he hugs her. “When are you going to realize we all love you?”
“I don’t know, but I hope I do soon.”
“Yeah, me too. Stop listening to that voice in your head and you’ll see how much we all love you.” He breaks away. “The pills should hit soon. Until they do, stay in here.”
With that, I quietly shut the door and get in the shower to rinse off. What the fuck was that all about?
I thought the Hemingses were all put together like a perfect photo, but I’m beginning to realize their family might be as fucked up as mine.
I come out of the bathroom to find Bren alone, sitting on the freshly made bed.
“I sent Livianna away to…” He gestures to the space next to him. “Look, Cash. She can be destructive at times and you got caught in the crossfire.”
I dry my hair with the towel in my hand. “What’s going on with her?”
“She cuts on herself.”
“With what?”
“Her fingernails.”
“Why?”
“Because the twisted beats in her heart are broken.” He sighs heavily. “Seriously, if I knew, I would stop her.”
“She was out of it before that happened.” I sit next to him, tossing the towel on the floor.
“Which is why you should’ve waited to have sex with her.”
“But I didn’t know she was gonna do that. All she wanted was for me to show her I love her. How was I supposed to say no?”
“I don’t know.”
“Wanna hear something a little…? She reminded me of how my pops was right before he died.” I swallow that lump of pain in my throat. “Not exactly the same way, but desperate and needing someone to reassure him no matter how it presented itself.”
Bren pats me on the back. “Bro, I’m sorry. That’s gotta be rough on you.”
“It’s nobody’s fault, Guns. I just think when I saw Lily tonight, all my anger about the situation going on with Faith and Sebastian fell away. All I could think about was making Livianna feel better.”
“Well, she doesn’t break down often, so try not to worry.” Bren stands and motions to the door. “We’ve got an opportunity to make the best out of this party. Whadda ya say?”
I smirk. “Other than the obvious bullshit, I’m not complaining about my night. I’m not sure it can get any better.”
“Fuck off, Cash. She’s still my sister.”
We leave the room laughing. I search for Lily and find her lounging on the gray sectional near the band’s practice area.
I recline next to her and slide my arm around her neck. “Why are you in here all alone?”
She gestures to her wrists with an emptiness in her eyes. “I finished getting the bandages on and the pills Bren made me take just hit. Now I’m in a zombie state. I hate it. I have zero energy.”
A quick idea passes through me. I have something that could help. I consider it for a moment. I need to see her smile and having fun.
Doing coke hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I expected to feel disgusted with myself, but when I’m on it, I’m on top of the world and my energy level is off the charts. It could help her feel better.
I nudge her to look at me. “How would you like to be higher than you ever have, but still in control?”
Her head rests back against the top of the couch and rolls my way. “Sounds like a dream come true.”
“Come with me. I have your remedy.” I stand and pull her up.
We go into the bathroom behind the band room, between their laundry and exercise rooms. Her pupils are dilated and tired-looking. She’s missing her spark.
I lock the door behind us. “Don’t judge, okay?”
“You saw what I do to my wrists. Do you think I’m going to judge you?” She sits on the toilet. “Whatever you have, I’m game.”
“Good.” I dig in my jeans pocket and pull out a little bag of blow. “It’s coke, but if you only do a little at a time, we can figure out how much a perfect amount is for you.”
“Like I said earlier, I trust you. I’m in.”
I get it together on the sink and pull out my straw. My ma got me one of my own so I wouldn’t take hers.
I cut four lines and one of those in half for Lily. “Do the small one first. We can take it from there. If you need it, you can have more.”
“You do it first.”
“Right. It probably would be better if I showed you how.” I do a line and she studies my reaction. When I don’t respond too bad, she stands, takes the straw, and does a small line.
“Damn, that burns.” She rubs her nose and swallows. She makes a face as if she’s tasting something awful. “That shit is gross.”
“Just give it a second.” I snort another line.
When I raise my head, she’s smiling. The dullness in her gaze is gone.
“There are those bright blue eyes I love.” I hand her the straw. “You can have more if you want.”
She laughs. “Who wouldn’t?”
I expect her to do the rest of the little bump, but she does a full line. Fuck, she’s gonna feel that. She’s small and that’s gonna hit hard.
She places the straw down, presses into me, and kisses me as passionately as she can. My chest expands and I feel like a giant.
I make out with the woman I love, happier than I’ve been all night. And given the fact I had sex with her for the first time and it was spectacular, that’s saying a lot.
After messing around for a while in the bathroom, we decide to get back to the party. We spend the rest of the night dancing and singing with each other without a care in the world. My ma even comes down and joins us for a while.
After thinking I screwed up with Lily, I end up knowing I helped her have the time of her life. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel better than I do right now.
We spend the next two weeks doing much of the same. During the day, we hang out at her house and have sex whenever we can.
We can’t keep our hands off each other. Most of the time we’re sober and just expressing our love for each other, but sometimes we like to add getting high on top of it, just to change it up.
Since she’s still on break, she’s allowed to come to all of our concerts. When we get there, we find a place to fuck, party a bit, and then I go on stage. I enjoy the performances a lot more now that she’s watching me from the sidelines.
She beams with pride whenever I turn her way. We even let Bren use some of the coke and all seems right in the world. Sadly, this is why I miss the cracks in the floor.
I’m getting noticed by other producers wanting to know if I’ll do a few one-off solo acts. My uncle’s looked into it and I’m free to do them as far as my contract states. I just can’t leave Ur Boyz.
We’re at my house one afternoon, sitting on my bed. “I’ve been asked to do a few songs for the New Year’s Eve bash in Vegas. I talked with Guns, Hawke, and Cooper and they’ll help me out.”
“So Mayhem begins.” She reaches for my computer. “What songs are you going to perform?”
“They want me to do a new one, a remake of an oldie but goodie, and end with ‘Perfect Lilies’.” I take a drag off my blunt and hand it to her. “What would you do for the remake?”
She takes a couple of hits and rests back on my pillows, seeming to consider my question. My room is tiny compared to hers, with just enough space for a queen-sized bed, one nightstand, and a dresser. There’s a closet, but no attached bathroom. She doesn’t seem to mind.
Her eyes go wide and she bolts up. “You should do ‘Tainted Love.’ I know so many people who love that song. You could give it a new rocker vibe like Marilyn Manson’s version and it could become a smash hit.”
“‘Tainted Love’? No.”
“Why?”
“Because people will read into it and think I’m saying our love is tainted.” I give her a knowing stare. “Our love might be dirty, but it’s not tainted.”
“Point taken.” She flashes me a flirty smile.
My gaze drops to her lips. I need to taste those sweet things.
An idea zips through my thoughts. “I have the perfect song. How about ‘Lips Like Sugar’?”
“I love that song too, but you know it ends with the girl flying away to someone else, right?”
I wrinkle up my nose. “It does?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think anyone knows that. Everyone focuses on the lips part.”
“Well, whenever I look at your mouth, all I wanna do is devour the sweetness of your tongue, so I’m gonna suggest we do that one. Fuck, the girl leaving. Nobody cares.” I crawl over to Lily and take her in one of the best kisses we’ve ever had.
The computer falls off the bed as I roll around with my little vixen. I only wish I had heeded her warning because that song has disaster of things to come written all over it.