Chapter 58 Kailin
KAILIN
"Fear dissolves when you let yourself truly see."
—Shaman Saphir Fatewever
Istood frozen against the cliff wall, watching as the first five dragons launched into the sky with their riders and cadets.
My eyes tracked Alar on the back of the purple dragonia, his posture relaxed and confident as they soared upward.
There was no hint of fear in his bearing—only excitement and even joy as the massive creature carried him higher.
The sight filled me with equal parts of envy and admiration.
How could he embrace this experience so completely when just days ago he'd been struggling with altitude sickness?
Meanwhile, I, who had grown up in these mountains, still couldn't stand near a ledge without my knees threatening to buckle and bile rising up to my throat.
"Second group," Major Harlow called after consulting his list.
As Shovia and Morek's names were called, Shovia squeezed my arm. "You'll be fine," she whispered. "Just remember to do your breathing thing."
I nodded, forcing a smile. "Have fun."
"Oh, I intend to," she replied before joining Morek and the others.
Commander Ravel had said something about switching places with one of the riders so he could be my flight instructor today, but perhaps he'd forgotten or some other thing came up, something more important than a cadet with an interesting ability she shouldn't have.
Talk about wishful thinking.
I didn't want to be important, I didn't want to be a shaman, and I didn't want special attention from Commander Ravel.
Right now, all I wanted was to be rid of the debilitating fear that was squeezing the air from my lungs.
Five more dragons appeared on the horizon, their wings catching the afternoon light. They landed with the same earth-shaking impact as the first group, and as Shovia and Morek were introduced to their assigned riders and dragons, they both mounted with enviable confidence and flair.
Then they were gone, launching into the vast blue expanse, and I was down to just Codric from our quintet.
"You look like you're about to be sick." He looked at me with concern in his eyes.
I smiled. "I promise not to vomit all over your boots."
"Thank you. That's much appreciated. You have nothing to fear, though. Did you ever hear about cadets plunging to their deaths on their first flight?"
The visuals his words painted in my mind made me even more nauseous, and now I was getting dizzy as well. "You're not helping, Codric."
"Sorry." He looked pained. "Maybe I should just shut up."
"Third group," Major Harlow announced before I could respond. "Cadets Pella, Noren, Teress, Sevor, and Tathis."
Codric straightened. "That's me. Teress." He gave my shoulder a quick, reassuring pat. "You've got this, Kailin. Just trust the dragon."
At least he hadn't told me to trust Elu.
I hated it when people said that because it implied that all of those unfortunate souls who died prematurely and not of natural causes were let down by Elu, which was, of course, nonsense.
Elu was life and death, creation and destruction, and he had no reason to keep me alive any more than anyone else.
I watched Codric join the third group, leaving me alone among strangers as the next set of dragons approached. "Trust the dragon," he'd said, as if that was the simple solution to my lifelong phobia.
To distract myself from the mounting panic, I focused on observing the details of the dragon-rider interactions.
Each rider treated their dragon a little differently—some with formal respect, others with the easy familiarity of long friendship.
The dragons, too, displayed distinct personalities, but the differences were more subtle.
Some appeared more watchful, some curious, while others seemed bored and indifferent.
I was focusing all of my energy on thinking positive things about them. I admired their beautiful scales, their regal necks, and their smart eyes, but I didn't address any of them directly in my mind, and so far, none of them had talked to me either.
Was it deliberate? Or was my gift sometimes on and sometimes off?
I wouldn't be surprised if that too was dependent on the electromagnetic currents that affected so much of life on Aurorys.
I watched how the cadets placed their hands on the mounting harnesses, how they distributed their weight as they climbed, how they settled into the saddles with varying degrees of grace.
I memorized each movement, hoping that when my turn came, the observations might compensate for nerve-induced clumsiness.
The third group of dragons took to the sky, carrying Codric and the others away. Now I was truly alone, the only member of my quintet still waiting on the roof. I tried not to interpret this as some cosmic commentary on my readiness for this life.
"Fourth group," Major Harlow called, and I tensed, expecting to hear my name. But it wasn't among the five chosen.
As the fourth group prepared to meet their dragons and once again my name wasn't called, I started considering the possibility that this wasn't random and that there was a reason I'd been left last from our quintet.
What if they were reconsidering my suitability as a cadet? What if Commander Ravel had told the higher-ups about his hypothesis that I might be a shaman, and they decided I didn't need flight instruction?
But shamans were riders too. Even if that was my destiny, which I hoped it wasn't, I needed to learn how to be a rider first.
The fourth set of dragons appeared, landed, and departed with their assigned cadets.
There were only four new cadets left, and the twelve more experienced ones, who would probably go up last.
Major Harlow studied his list with a slight frown, and I was sure he was determining how to distribute the remaining cadets.
As he started to announce the fifth group, a shadow fell across the roof—a single dragon, a massive obsidian black. I recognized Onyx immediately, and my heart leaped into my throat as I realized that Commander Ravel was going to make good on his promise and be my flight instructor for today.
Ravel dismounted and walked over to Major Harlow, speaking to him in a hushed voice, and after a brief exchange, Harlow nodded and turned toward us or rather me.
"Cadet Strom," he called. "Please step forward."
I walked over to Commander Ravel on legs that felt disconnected from the rest of me, acutely aware of the other cadets' curious stares. I could only imagine the kinds of rumors that were spreading about me and the commander, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Actually, I might deploy countermeasures. Shovia was very good at spreading misleading rumors without actually lying, and she could help me deflect the gossip.
My best friend would have made a superb spy.
"Commander Ravel will be your flight instructor today," Major Harlow informed me.
I nodded and even forced a smile.
Part of me was relieved that I'd be flying with someone I knew and had flown with before, but another part was intensely aware of how unusual and potentially problematic this special treatment appeared.
At least Alar was already in the air and wouldn't witness this scene.
His acceptance of my special connection with Ravel was still fragile, and this would only feed his suspicions.
It pained me that I couldn't simply tell him the truth about my ability and why it needed to remain a secret until the higher-ups decided what they wanted to do with me.
"Cadet Strom," Commander Ravel greeted me formally. "I was informed that there was one extra cadet in need of instruction, and I thought it would be a great opportunity for us to continue your special training."
What was he doing? Had he forgotten that we needed to keep my talent a secret? Or was he just trying to make life easier for me by saying this in front of the remaining cadets?
"Thank you, Commander," I said, straightening my posture and trying to project more confidence than I felt.
He led me toward Onyx, whose massive head swiveled to follow our approach.
The dragon's golden eyes fixed on me. "Little Warrior," his rumbling voice greeted me in my mind. "I am so pleased that we will get to spend more time together."
The familiarity of his mental voice steadied me. “Hello, Onyx,” I replied silently. “I'm looking forward to spending more time with you, too.”
"We can continue our chat," Onyx said.
Ravel nudged my arm, making a subtle gesture toward Onyx. "Remember the protocol, cadet," he said quietly. "You must verbally request permission to mount."
I'd been so absorbed in my mental conversation with Onyx that I had forgotten that I needed to follow the etiquette and keep up appearances.
"Noble Onyx," I said aloud, bowing my head as I'd seen other cadets do, "may I have the honor of flying with you today?"
"So formal," Onyx commented in my mind as he nodded his massive head, amusement coloring his mental voice. "Yes, Little Warrior, you may join me in the sky. Perhaps today we will discover if you are truly afraid of heights or merely afraid of falling."
His observation caught me off guard. Was there a difference? I supposed there might be—one was about the position, the other about the potential consequence, and I was pretty sure that mine was more about the position than the act of flying.
"Thank you for your permission," I said aloud.
Ravel demonstrated the proper mounting technique, though I'd already studied it carefully while watching the other cadets.
I pulled myself up with more confidence than I'd expected to feel, settling into the front position of the saddle without the awkwardness I'd feared.
Ravel mounted behind me, and his presence felt reassuring rather than intrusive.
"Secure your harness," he instructed, his voice close to my ear.