Chapter 60 Kailin
KAILIN
"Some doors protect not by keeping danger out but by keeping power in."
—Shaman Saphir Fatewever
"Wow, Kailin. I'm so proud of you," Shovia said the moment the door to our room closed behind us, her eyes alight with excitement as if finding me in a compromising position with Alar was the pinnacle of her day. "I'm so sorry for walking in on you, but better me than Cadet Voss, right?"
"It's okay. We got carried away with the kissing, and it was good that you came when you did."
If she'd stayed the night in Codric's room, we would be having a very different conversation the next day, and I might have trouble running up that torture hill because of a lack of sleep and sore intimate muscles.
"Kissing, she says." Shovia removed her leggings and tunic and started pulling on her pajamas. "That was some intense kissing to leave your hair looking like you'd been caught in a windstorm, and your sweater twisted halfway around."
I glanced down, realizing that it was still askew despite my attempt to straighten it. I needed to get into my pajamas anyway, so I pulled the sweater off and grabbed the shapeless brown top.
"So," Shovia said when I remained silent, "are you going to tell me all the juicy details, or do I have to guess? Because, as you know, my imagination is quite vivid, and I will probably go places you didn't."
I sighed, knowing she wouldn't let the subject drop until I gave her at least some details. "We were talking, and it just happened. One minute we were discussing dragons, the next we were kissing, and then I fell back on the couch and pulled Alar down with me."
"Oh, my!" Shovia fanned herself with her hand. "It sounds absolutely scandalous."
I laughed. "Right. Says the girl who'd marched into Codric and Alar's room, kicked Alar out, and had her wicked way with his cousin. I'd say that's much more scandalous."
"It is, I agree." Shovia pulled on her pajama bottoms, closed the light-blocking drapes, and got under the blanket. "But that's what you expect of me, so it's no shock to anyone. For you, on the other hand, that's some impressive progress."
"Not impressive enough," I murmured under my breath as I climbed into my bed and pulled the blanket up to my chin. "Can you turn off the light? We have the hill from hell to climb first thing tomorrow."
"It's not that bad." She reached for the switch and flicked it off, plunging the room into complete darkness.
"Not for you, perhaps. But it is for me." I turned toward the wall. "Goodnight, Shovia."
"Goodnight, Kailin. Dream lots of sexy dreams."
I had a feeling that I would. My body was still humming with need, and I knew exactly what to do about it, but didn't dare with Shovia in the room. Perhaps after she fell asleep, I could take care of it, provided that I didn't fall asleep myself.
It had been an eventful day in every way imaginable, and it had ended on a high note.
The intensity of the encounter had surprised me. I'd always thought of myself as reserved, but there had been nothing controlled about the way I'd responded to Alar.
"Next time," Shovia suddenly said in the darkness, "let me know when you want me to stay the night with Codric so you can have the room to yourself."
"Are you two serious about each other?" I asked.
Shovia chuckled. "Serious? No. We're scratching each other's itches, that's all."
I wasn't sure she was being entirely truthful.
I didn't think she was lying, of course, but she might not be ready to acknowledge her feelings for Codric.
There had been moments when I'd caught her looking at him with fondness and appreciation that I hadn't seen her bestowing on anyone else she'd dated.
Still, I wasn't about to push.
"What about you and Alar?" she asked, turning the tables on me. "How serious is it?"
I thought of our journey up Mount Hope, of the conversations we'd had, the way he'd supported me through my fears while contending with his own challenges.
The kiss we'd just shared had been electric, certainly, but it felt like the culmination of something that had been building between us for a while and was founded on more than just physical attraction.
I admired and respected Alar, and he seemed to admire and respect me.
That was a good foundation to build a relationship on.
"It's more," I said softly. "For both of us."
"I'm glad." Shovia sighed. "Well, best of luck with your intensely adorable romance. I'm going to sleep."
I smiled at her apt characterization. There was an intensity to Alar that both drew me in and occasionally unsettled me. He noticed and analyzed everything, which was a good trait to have, but sometimes it made him appear aloof, disengaged.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but my body still hummed with lingering awareness, an unfulfilled need that made it impossible to relax. Antsy, Shovia had called it, and I now understood what she'd meant by that.
Every time I closed my eyes, I felt Alar's hands on me again, his lips tracing a path down my throat, the solid weight of his body pressing mine into the cushions. Heat pooled low in my abdomen at the memory, and I shifted restlessly beneath my blankets.
Across the room, Shovia's breathing had already deepened into the rhythm of sleep, and I finally dared to reach with my fingers where I was starved for touch.
"Your thoughts are very loud, Little Warrior," a familiar rumbling voice startled me, and I immediately pulled my hand out of my pajama pants.
Oh, dear Elu. Onyx had heard my naughty thoughts, and if he had, other dragons might have as well.
“Get out of my head, Onyx. I mean it. And I don't care if my tone of voice offends you. It's rude to eavesdrop on people's private thoughts.”
"I'm not offended, Little Warrior, but your thoughts are so loud that I can't help but hear them. You need to learn when to open a channel and when to close it. You leave yours open, so when you have intense thoughts, I hear them."
I was mortified. “Did you hear my thoughts from before? When I was with Alar?”
He did that chuffing sound that I'd learned to interpret as a dragon chuckle. "I did, but don't worry about it. I don't mind."
I was going to die. “Who else heard me?”
"No one. Just me."
“Tell me the truth, Onyx.”
"I never lie, little one. We have a connection, you and I. Perhaps you opened a channel to me and never figured out how to close it properly. You should practice doing that."
I pressed my hands to my burning cheeks in the darkness. “Are you sure about no one else hearing my loud thoughts?”
"I am," Onyx said. "You need to be in physical proximity to a dragon or form some kind of connection to communicate that easily. Otherwise, all dragons would be in each other's minds constantly, and that would be terrible."
His explanation made sense, and the relief I felt was overwhelming, but I was still embarrassed as hell. “I didn't consider that,” I admitted. “But you're right. It would be chaos if every dragon could hear all the other dragons' thoughts.”
"Indeed. We value our mental privacy as much as humans do." There was a pause. "You must learn to shield your mind. Your gift makes you more receptive to dragons, but evidently, also more projective."
“Commander Ravel told me to imagine a trap door going down to shield my mind, but I haven't had time to practice it yet.”
"No better time than the present," Onyx said. "Try again now. Imagine a barrier between your thoughts and the outside world and then think something naughty and ask me if I heard it."
I wasn't about to think anything of the kind. The excitement was gone, burned off in a blaze of embarrassment.
I closed my eyes, concentrating on visualizing a trap door in my mind that could slam shut when I didn't want my thoughts to be accessible.
"Good," Onyx encouraged. "Now close the door and hold that image as I attempt to communicate with you."
I pictured it clearly, focusing on the details—the heavy construction, the metal hinges, the solid thunk the door made as it closed.
I felt a gentle pressure against my mental barrier, like someone knocking politely on it. Maintaining the visualization of the closed trap door, I resisted the instinct to lift the barrier.
"Excellent," Onyx said, sounding more distant now, as if speaking to me from the other side of a thick wall. "You are learning. Let us try again."
I opened my mind to him. “How can I hear you talking to me while blocking you from hearing my thoughts?”
"I'm not sure how it works. But think about it. When you talked to me before, could you read my other thoughts while you were at it?"
“No, I couldn't. I only heard you when you addressed me. But how do I do that?”
"I can't explain it," Onyx said. "You just need to imagine your private thoughts locked behind a door and your talking to me being separate."
We practiced for a little longer, with Onyx testing my barrier with varying levels of pressure. He explained that in time, I would learn to distinguish between different types of mental contact. Eventually, I should be able to block an aggressive attempt to break into my mind.
It hadn't occurred to me that a dragon might try to force its way into my head.
"That's enough for tonight," Onyx said after we'd been at it for a while. "You need to sleep."
I relaxed my concentration, feeling the mental construct dissolve as I allowed my natural thought patterns to resume. Exhaustion crashed over me as if I'd been running for miles.
“Thank you for helping me,” I thought to Onyx, the words slightly fuzzy even in my own mind.
"Rest now, my Little Warrior," he said.
As I drifted into sleep, I still felt the ghost of Onyx's presence in the background, like a gentle mental touch, but I wasn't sure whether it was real or just the residual effect of our training.