Chapter 66 Kailin
KAILIN
I'm waiting for Alar to arrive, and my heart won't stop racing. Shovia has gone to spend the night with Codric, leaving our room to me and Alar.
Together. Alone.
I want him, and I don't want to wait, but I'm afraid of disappointing him. Did he guess already that I've never been with anyone?
My palms are sweating. I have no idea what to expect tonight, what he expects. But I know what I want, and I drank the contraceptive tea to prepare.
I'm ready.
—From the journal of Kailin Strom
It was gallant of Alar to wait for me to make the first move, but he probably had no idea how difficult it was for me to initiate.
I was no seductress.
I didn't know what to do.
Finally, I gathered my courage and touched his face, tracing the line of his clean-shaven jaw. "Maybe he saw in you what I see."
Alar's eyes blazed with need, and I had a feeling that he was holding himself in check by a thread. "And what's that?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
I wanted the thread to snap. I wanted him to pull me into his arms and kiss me, and with the fuse ignited, I knew where it would lead.
"A natural leader," I whispered.
"I don't know about that." He gripped my fingers and brought them to his lips. "To rule a country, one needs to be a diplomat, and that's not who I am."
I shook my head. "You might not be as smooth as politicians often are, but that is what makes you seem more authentic, reliable, and trustworthy.
That's what inspires loyalty." I hesitated before adding the last bit of what was on my mind, but it was now or never.
"That's why I trust you with my virginity. "
Perhaps it wasn't the best way to warn him about my inexperience, but it was the naked truth and the Elucian way.
Alar didn't look as surprised as I'd expected, probably having guessed that already. But how? A twenty-one-year-old virgin was a rarity, and I hadn't acted prudish. Or had I?
Lifting my hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it almost with reverence. "Thank you for your words and for your trust in me. I vow to be all of those things to you and more. I'll always be authentic with you, you can always rely on me, and I will never betray your trust."
I had tears in my eyes, but I didn't want to ruin the moment with anything that could be misconstrued as sadness or regret, so I hid them by lowering my gaze.
Alar looped his arm around me, pulling me in tightly, and kissed me. It started sweet and gentle, but our need for each other stoked the flames of desire, and soon he was holding me with both arms and groaning as he kissed down my neck.
I surrendered to the thrill, to the adrenaline, to the driving need to experience this to the fullest, and just as I was wondering if he would keep his downward scorching path of kisses all the way to my aching nipples, he reached with his hand and gently cupped one breast over my shirt, sending shockwaves through my body that all culminated at the apex of my thighs.
The burst of desire was so overwhelming that I saw bright lights flicker behind my closed lids.
I was going to explode.
The trail of hot kisses changed trajectory, and instead of continuing down, he went sideways and up, trailing kisses along my jawline, my cheek, and finally getting to my mouth.
When we came up for air, he leaned away and looked at me with eyes that were glazed with desire.
"Why did you stop?" I asked.
Instead of answering, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it up and over his head, revealing a spectacular torso.
"Oh, wow." My hand flew to my lips. "That was fast."
Smooth skin was stretched taut over hard muscles and bulging biceps that he'd been somehow hiding under long-sleeved shirts all of this time. Alar might not be as buff as Morek, but only because he was built leaner.
Looking unsure, he reached for his discarded shirt. "Should I put it back on?"
"Don't you dare." I put my hands on his chest and let instinct guide me, gently sliding them over the smooth ridges and valleys.
I'd never touched a man like this before.
Were his nipples as sensitive as mine were?
Would he like me to kiss them as I wanted him to kiss mine?
I leaned and pressed my lips to one hard nubbin while rubbing my finger over the other.
When he groaned and threw his head back, I got bolder and pinched it lightly.
He hissed, gripping my wrists and pulling my hands off him. I panicked that I'd done something wrong, but then he just said, "My turn."
I wanted to say yes, please, finally, but I still clung to some remnants of self-respect and just nodded my consent.
Reaching for the hem of my shirt, he pulled it off and tossed it all the way to Shovia's bed, and then without much preamble, he swooped me in his arms, laid me down on the bed, and looked at me with such hunger that for a moment I was tempted to cover my breasts even though I still had my bra on, and there wasn't much to see.
It wasn't the lacy kind that Shovia liked to wear, but Alar still gazed at me as if I were stark naked before him.
Suddenly, that was exactly what I wanted, and without giving it much thought, I reached behind my back, unhooked the bra, and removed it in one swift motion.
I must have shocked Alar into a stupor or maybe my naked breasts had done that, because he seemed transfixed, staring at them with such burning desire that they seemed to swell for him, aching for his touch.
He murmured something that sounded like a curse or a compliment, I wasn't sure.
"Perfect," he finally said something coherent. "Beautiful."
I waited for him to touch me, to kiss me all over and relieve that pulsing ache, but instead he yanked my pajama bottoms down, lifting me slightly to tug them all the way off.
"I have to see all of you."
I still had my panties on, and they too were nothing special, but right now I feared they revealed how excited I was, and although it was nothing to be embarrassed about, I didn't know how Alar would react, and that made me a little uneasy.
Thankfully, he was still transfixed by my breasts, so he probably hadn't noticed. When he finally leaned down and put his arms on either side of my waist, I involuntarily arched my back, and when he lowered his head and kissed one of my stiff nipples, I bit my lower lip to stifle the cry of relief.
This was so much better than what I had imagined when I had pleasured myself.
There was no comparison.
When he closed his lips over the other nipple and sucked, I laced my fingers through his hair, tugging his head closer and holding him to me.
I didn't want him to stop.
Then his hand slipped into my panties, and I tensed. Not because I didn't want him to touch me there, but because I was already so wet for him. What would he do when he realized that I didn't need much preparation? Would he assume that I was ready?
I wasn't.
Maybe my body was, but I was scared.