Chapter 65- Completed family #2
"I don't think..." I drew another trembling breath. "...I don't think I could ever do this again."Silence answered me. Long enough that fear quietly returned. "I'm sorry," I whispered again. "I know it's selfish...I know it isn't what you wanted."
"I know..." I started
"My love." His voice interrupted me so gently that I almost missed it. I felt his hands move.Carefully... He pulled back just enough to look at me. Both hands came up to cradle my face. I finally lifted my eyes.
His brows had drawn together completely.
Not in disappointment but Confusion. Complete...
Utter...
Confusion.
He simply stared at me.
As though he genuinely could not understand what I had been apologizing for.
"My love..." His voice remained impossibly calm"...what are you talking about?"
I blinked.
The question felt wrong.
"You..."
I looked away.
"...you wanted more children."
He continued looking at me.
Long enough that I began wondering whether he had misunderstood. Then... Very slowly...
He sighed.
"Oh..." Understanding slowly crossed his face. The confusion disappeared. He finally understood what I had been trying to say. His thumbs brushed beneath my eyes, wiping away tears almost as quickly as they formed.
"Ophelia..." His smile saddened. "Is that what you've been apologizing for?"
I nodded weakly. "I don't want to have any more children." The words left me through another broken sob. "I don't want to feel that pain again."
For a long moment, Achille simply looked at me. Not with disappointment. Not with anger. With complete and utter confusion. His brows slowly drew together as though he were trying to understand how we had somehow ended up in two entirely different conversations.
"...Why are you apologizing for that?" I blinked through my tears.
"I..." My throat tightened until the words barely existed. "Because... you wanted more children." The confusion on his face only deepened.
"My love..." he said quietly. "What does that have to do with anything?" Another sob escaped before I could answer.
"You always said you wanted a large family." My fingers tightened around the blankets. "I can't do that again." My breathing became uneven. "I can't survive that again." Tears spilled down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. "I'm sorry."
He reached for my hand immediately, holding it as though he thought I might disappear if he loosened his grip even slightly.
"Oh, Ophelia..."
He let out a long, weary breath and gently brushed my damp hair away from my face.
"You've understood me so completely wrong."
His thumb continued tracing slow circles across my hand while he searched my face, almost as though he was trying to figure out who had convinced me that this apology was necessary.
"Yes," he admitted softly. "I dreamed about a large family. I imagined children running through the palace. I imagined birthdays and holidays and teaching them how to ride horses. I imagined watching them grow into people we could be proud of."
A small smile touched his lips before disappearing just as quickly. "But they were dreams."
He shook his head.
"They were never promises nor Demands ." His eyes never left mine. "And they certainly were never expectations."
His voice became steadier with every word.
"If my dream requires you to suffer like this again... if it asks me to watch the woman I love scream until she has no voice left, bleed until the physicians begin to worry, or look at me the way you looked at me today..." He swallowed hard. "Then I don't want that dream anymore."
He leaned forward until our foreheads touched.
"What kind of husband would I be if I loved the idea of children more than the woman giving them to me?"
A tear escaped before he could stop it.
"I don't."
"I never will."
He kissed my forehead before resting his cheek against my temple.
"You are not here to fulfill my dreams."
"You are not here to endure pain simply because I once imagined a bigger family."
"You are my wife...My greatest blessing...My favorite person...I chose you long before I ever imagined children."
His fingers tightened around mine. "And if I had known loving you meant we would never have children at all...I still would have married you.if i knew than what I know now There would have been no hesitation. No regret. No resentment.
Because I did not fall in love with your ability to give me children."
"I fell in love with you."
He glanced toward the two tiny bundles sleeping peacefully beside the bed before looking back at me.
"These little girls are more than I ever deserved. They are gifts. They are not debts you owe me. "His expression softened even further. "You have already given me a lifetime of happiness. You don't have to keep proving your love by surviving things that terrify me."
He gently wiped another tear from my cheek.
"So don't apologize."
His voice was barely above a whisper.
"If anyone should be sorry..."
His eyes closed for a moment.
"...it's me."
"I stood beside you while you suffered through something I could never take from you."
"I would have carried every moment of that pain myself if the gods had given me the choice."
He opened his eyes again, and there was not a trace of hesitation left in them.
"There will never be another conversation about more children. No physician. No noble. No council. No one will ever demand you do something you don't want to. If anyone believes this empire is owed another heir..."
His voice became calm enough to be frightening.
"They are welcome to take that complaint to their emperor. Because my answer will always be the same. I would rather spend the rest of my life with only you..."
He kissed her trembling hand. "...than spend a single day mourning the woman I love because I was too selfish to let go of a dream."