Chapter Seven 30 April 2015
Chapter Seven
Aletta stared out of the window of the train, her face so close to the glass it was almost touching.
She closed her eyes and listened to the noise of the wheels rumbling along the tracks, letting her mind wander back.
It wasn’t often she let herself remember, not like this, but today she didn’t stop herself.
For years she’d stamped away the memories. They’d been like tentacles at first, creeping towards her and holding her in their iron-clad grip. Or they’d wake her in the night, leaving her trapped in damp, tangled sheets as she fought to get away from the dark thoughts of the past. But not today.
Today she let the memories find her.
Her thoughts took her back to another train ride, one she’d been forced to take.
When she closed her eyes more tightly, she could still smell the inside of the carriage, remembered the fear and terror that had wrapped around them all.
Peeking through the gaps and blinking through her tears; the feel of her mother’s arm around her, stopping her from falling to the ground.
She opened her eyes, the memories proving too painful.
‘Mum?’ The voice was familiar, calming. ‘Mum, are you okay?’
It took her a moment to realise it was her daughter, and she looked at the warm hand covering hers before glancing around them. They were in a warm train carriage. There were other people sitting nearby; children, families, other women smiling and talking.
She was safe.
It had taken her a moment to pull herself back to the present, but she knew she had nothing to fear, not anymore. She took a deep, shaky breath as her racing heart began to settle.
‘If it becomes too much, if you decide you don’t want to be there . . .’ Her daughter cleared her throat. ‘At any stage, Mum, you just let me know.’
Aletta nodded. Her daughter had said the same words to her at the house before they’d left, and again when they were in the car on the way to the train station. She knew it was because she cared, that it was hard for her to see her mother revisit such a harrowing time in her life.
She leaned towards the window again, watching the countryside pass by in a blur and trying to place exactly where they were, how much longer they had to travel before they got there.
If I don’t do this now, I might not have a chance to go back again.
Aletta was in her ninety-fourth year, and she knew that time was running out on her. She had her final respects to pay, and this year might be her last.