Chapter 24
— chapter twenty-four
Edmund Yoder had not yet returned. She felt a curious sense of dismay. Had the room’s silence and her reticence scared him away after all?
Or perhaps he had thought again about her ability to give him a babe. If that was the case, Leanna reckoned that she didn’t blame him. A forty-one-year-old childless widow was not the best candidate for that.
On Thursday, she had joined the widows club, but the evening had been long and rather exhausting due to the meeting being on the outskirts of town. It had taken Leanna almost forty-five minutes to get there.
Only about ten women had come to the eighty-year-old woman’s home.
She was Swartzentruber Amish, faithful and kind.
Being New Order herself, Leanna had never had the occasion to make the woman’s acquaintance.
Those differences, together with their age difference, had made much of the conversation rather stilted.
In addition, the meeting was in the back room of a basement.
Their hostess had explained that her family was still helping her move to the basement for the summer, so the space was a little cramped because cardboard boxes lined the walls.
Though her sons had moved a pair of recliners downstairs, they hadn’t moved her couch yet.
Therefore, most everyone was perched on metal folding chairs.
Luckily, the conversation had been pleasant and they had slices of warm apple pie with coffee for dessert. She was glad she’d gone even though she felt a bit of a chill the whole way home.
On Friday morning, feeling a bit achy and short-tempered, she took Bumble on a walk to the bookmobile.
The exercise would do both her and the pup some good, and Leanna hoped the librarian had brought along some new novels.
She needed something interesting to take her mind off her aches and pains as well as her confusion about Edmund.
To her surprise, she ran into Jeremy and one of his brothers there.
Just like before, when they’d been at the garden center, Leanna felt a pinch of regret. She’d allowed herself to think about a future with Evan. Now that it wasn’t a possibility, she strove to keep all thoughts having to do with the Keim family out of her head.
She intended only to smile and nod at the men as she walked by, but Jeremy prevented that from happening.
“Leanna! Hey! Gut day.”
“Gut day to you as well, Jeremy.” Leaning down, she picked up Bumble in order to take him into the vehicle.
“Wait! I’d like to say hello to Bumble.”
Since Bumble was squirming in her arms, obviously eager to see his friend, she forced herself to smile as she set him back down on the ground. “I think Bumble is happy to see you again.”
Kneeling down to pet him, Jeremy nodded. “Leanna, you remember Kurt? He’s my oldest brother.”
“It’s good to see you again, Kurt,” she said politely.
“I feel the same. I hope you are well?”
“I am. Danke.”
When Bumble let out a tiny annoyed yip, Kurt grinned and bent down to give him some attention. “I haven’t forgotten you either, hund.”
She smiled. “Bumble is hard to forget, I think.”
“I agree, though I must admit that the puppy hasn’t been the main topic of conversation in our haus,” Kurt said with a pointed look.
What to say to that? Feeling awkward, she reached for Bumble again. “Well, obviously, I came to look at books. I wish you both a good day.”
“Hey, uh, Leanna?” Jeremy called out.
“Yes?”
“Have you seen our father lately?”
“Nee. Like I told you the other day, I don’t think we’ll have the occasion to see each other much in the future.”
“Jeremy shared your conversation with me,” Kurt said. “And I have to tell ya, I think our father is regretting his words.”
She really, really didn’t want to talk about Evan with his sons. But she was also aware that Jeremy was just a boy and that hope was shining in his eyes. “I fear I must disagree. Your father was adamant about what he wants in his future. I can’t say I fault his viewpoint either.”
“But what if he did?” Jeremy blurted.
“Did . . . ?”
“Jah. What if our father did change his mind about having kids one day?”
Her face felt like it was flaming. She couldn’t believe she was discussing babies with Evan’s sons in front of the bookmobile!
Smiling tightly, she said, “If Evan changes his mind, I think that discussion would be better between him and me.”
“I understand,” Kurt said. “I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable.”
“I really should go look at books now. The bookmobile doesn’t stop here for long, you know.”
“Of course. Don’t let us keep you.”
“I’m still going to let our daed know that we saw you and Bumble,” Jeremy said. “I would feel funny not telling him.”
“You should do what you feel comfortable doing. That is your right.”
Looking pleased, he said, “I bet he’ll pay you a call soon.”
“I hope he won’t.”
“You’re still upset with him?” Kurt asked.
“Nee. I’m not upset at all. It’s just that things have changed, you see.” Gathering her courage, she said, “I . . . I am seeing someone new.”
“Already?” Jeremy’s eyes were filled with hurt.
Kurt nudged his brother. “Stop, Jeremy.”
“But it’s hardly been a week.” Jeremy glared at her. “I know I didn’t imagine what I saw. I know our father means something to you, Leanna. I know that you mean something to him.”
Suddenly, her decision felt much more like the right one. She didn’t want to be browbeaten ever again. Not even by a seventeen-year-old boy. “Forgive me, but my relationships are none of your business. We hardly know each other.”
He puffed up his chest. “But—”
Kurt gripped his arm. “Enough. Leanna is right.” Turning back to her, he added, “I’m sorry for our rudeness.”
She inclined her head but didn’t comment. Instead, she hugged Bumble more tightly and turned around.
When she entered the bookmobile, she felt slightly sick. She should never have gotten so upset or told them so much.
She was also going to have to come to terms with everything that she told Edmund. No, what she’d just decided to do about Edmund.
She was going to do her best to get to know him.
She wanted to be a mother one day.
Sure, he was quiet, and they didn’t have much to say to each other, but if he was kind and steady, that would be enough for her.
Unbidden, she recalled her grandmother’s favorite snack.
It had been a slice of dry date nut bread served with one teaspoon of cream cheese.
She’d never understood the point of eating such a thing for a snack.
Yes, it was filling and didn’t taste bad.
But it was forgettable and could be easily replaced by almost anything in her grandmother’s cupboards.
Her grandmother’s insistence that it was healthy and saved well had meant nothing to her.
Until now. Now she saw that boring bread’s value.
That date nut bread was filling. It didn’t go bad quickly.
Every new batch tasted exactly the same. One could count on it.
After living with a disappointed husband and getting a taste of what life would be like with Evan and his nosy sons, Leanna realized that safe and predictable were valuable traits to have.
And if such a man could give her the child she’d always wanted? Well, that would be worth everything. She could give that child all the love that had been stored in her heart for far too long.
It was time. Past time.