Chapter 30 The Scorned Lover’s Game #2
“You really love him?” Jesse asked. Taylor nodded.
“So much. He’s my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without him.” Taylor really didn’t. Everything had just happened so fast. It was hard to get a handle on his emotions. His feelings. It was too overwhelming sometimes.
Jesse pulled his brother in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Taylor.
Probably their first hug in a year, Taylor thought to himself.
He felt like such a horrible big brother.
Taylor felt like he wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t let himself shed a tear in this random bathroom in downtown Sacramento.
Everything was so messed up right now. He hated being here.
“I just think you guys need to have a conversation about it.” Jesse gave him an empathetic look. “It’s important to be on the same page.”
Taylor pulled back and patted Jesse on the shoulder, giving him a surprised look. “Since when have you been a relationship expert? Are you seeing anyone?”
Jesse quickly laughed and shook his head. “I’m holding out for the hot Georgetown students. Hot and smart.”
“Well, if you’re into cougars then I think Sánchez knows where you could find one.”
Jesse gave him a suggestive look. “I’m not quite sure I’m batting for her team these days.”
“You’re fucking with me,” Taylor narrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. That was fucking news to Taylor. Jesse was probably the straightest guy he knew. Well, he thought that about Fletcher too, but obviously he was extremely wrong about that. Maybe his gaydar was broken.
Jesse just shrugged. “Maybe it’s a genetic predisposition.”
“Oh, I’m not gay. I still like women. I just like Fletcher more.” Taylor told him honestly.
“So you’re queer,” Jesse told him.
“I don’t wanna label it. Why does it matter?” he asked his brother.
“I guess you’re right.”
* * *
The dinner could not have ended sooner. Even after he and Jesse had their little bonding moment, Taylor still felt awkward as hell.
He sighed in relief when the waiter brought the check over.
Fletcher offered to cover it, but when Taylor saw it made Ale blush, he quickly grabbed the check from Fletcher and put his own card down.
Their flight was early the next morning, so Jesse dropped them back off at the hotel before driving back to Caroline’s for the night.
They had updated their tickets so Jesse’s dog could fly.
Taylor told him that he would be riding business class, but Fletcher announced that he had also upgraded Jesse’s plane ticket.
Luckily, Jesse had his own row to himself so his dog had plenty of room to himself.
“You’ll meet us here at what time tomorrow?” Taylor asked his brother.
“Six.”
“Drive safe,” he told Jesse.
Taylor began walking up to the hotel room. When he and Fletcher were in the elevator, Fletcher reached out to hold his hand. Taylor looked down as their fingers interlaced before looking straight ahead. He was still trying to calm himself down from the shitshow of a dinner they had.
He still held Fletcher’s hand as they walked down the hallway and into the room.
They took their shoes off and Taylor let go of Fletcher’s hand to start putting some things into his travel bag.
Fletcher walked up and wrapped his arms around Taylor from behind.
He pressed a kiss to the back of Taylor’s shoulder, but Taylor kept on packing his things up.
Fletcher pressed more kisses to the side of Taylor’s neck. Taylor closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “Why’d you say those things, Fletch?” he asked him calmly. He wasn’t going to overreact. He was going to have a healthy conversation about it without blowing up.
“I was just joking,” Fletcher said in between kisses. His hands slid up underneath Taylor’s shirt and brushed over the outline of his abs.
“You weren’t joking,” Taylor told him. Still calm and collected. “You said you loved her.” He could hear the pain in his own voice.
“I love you,” Fletcher told Taylor, a hint of guilt in his tone. “I want you to kiss me.” It came out sounding a little desperate, like Fletcher knew he messed up and was feeling insecure.
Taylor didn’t turn around. Not yet. “I feel like you said those things to upset me. Like you wanted a reaction out of me,” he said softly. He hated feeling this way.
“Baby, please,” Fletcher’s hands moved down to his waist to try and turn him around, but Taylor didn’t budge. It was upsetting him that Fletcher wouldn’t admit to it. “I need you to kiss me,” he told Taylor, sounding frantic now.
“Fletcher,” Taylor said a little more sternly. He swallowed hard as he turned around. Fletcher immediately reached up to cup his face and fleetingly leaned in to kiss him.
“Stop.” Taylor pulled his head back, trying to put space between them. He needed Fletcher to know he was being serious. Fletcher looked at him with a hurt expression on his face, suffering the sting of rejection.
“I’m not kissing you right now.” Taylor hated the words coming out of him. It made his chest hurt.
“We need to talk about this,” Taylor insisted. “Why did you feel the need to say that stuff?”
Fletcher shrugged and pretended that everything was casual, trying to act cool about it. “I just thought it sounded convincing.” Lie. “You don’t actually believe any of it, do you?”
Taylor shook his head. “No, Fletcher. What I said was convincing. You said that you were still caught up over the breakup and that you fucking loved her. That you’d never felt that way about anyone before.
” Taylor’s heart clenched. Why couldn’t Fletcher just admit what he did?
Why would he drag this out longer than it needed to be?
Fletcher cupped Taylor’s cheek. “I love you, Taylor. Not her.” He looked into Taylor’s eyes to try and convince him. Taylor knew he loved him. But it didn’t mean what he said was right.
Taylor sighed. He tried to think of why Fletcher would try and pick a fight with him over that. He’d only ever seen Fletcher do that one other time. In Jacksonville. With his dad.
Fletcher was jealous about Alejandra, so he wanted to hurt Taylor in return.
“I know you love me. I love you too. But you were jealous and you wanted me to be jealous too.” He raised his eyebrows at Fletcher. “It felt like a punishment.” He hated the words that came out of his mouth, but he needed Fletcher to understand how he felt.
“Did you think I would jump at the opportunity to be with someone else just because she gave me the slightest bit of attention?”
Fletcher’s eyes started to get glossy as he looked off to the side of the room, hiding his guilt. “I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Fletcher told him, sounding painfully guilty. Maybe confrontation wasn’t working.
“Look at me,” Taylor told him. He grabbed Fletcher’s jaw and forced Fletcher to look at him. Tears started to pool in Fletcher’s eyes. “I love you, Fletcher. Do you believe me when I tell you that?”
“Of course I do,” Fletcher answered softly.
“My love for you is unconditional. But it’s not fair of you to just say something like that and not expect me to be hurt by it.” He felt like he was being pretty good about communicating this to Fletcher without escalating it.
Fletcher nodded as he pondered for a minute. “You’re right. I was trying to get a reaction out of you. Like I do with my dad.” He finally admitted it.
“I’m not your father, Fletcher. It hurts that you would even think of me like that.” It really did. It made him sick.
“I know. I don’t deserve you, Taylor,” Fletcher said softly, sounding full of self-doubt. Taylor wiped away a tear that had fallen down his cheek. His heart clenched.
“You deserve everything, Fletcher. You deserve all the love in the world.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m not lovable. I’m not worthy of it.”
Taylor shook his head before pulling Fletcher into his chest. “I love you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.” Taylor sighed. “Take a chance on me. Let me give you the world, Fletcher.”
“Tell me I’m yours,” Fletcher said softly against his chest. “And that you’ll never leave me.”
Taylor could feel his own tears fall down his cheeks.
“I choose you. Every day I wake up and I choose to love you. You own me. You own my soul. You own my heart. You are the air I breathe and you’re the light I see.
A world where you don’t exist is a world not worth living.
A life without you is a life of misery and pain.
I love you, Fletcher. You’re my heart and I will never, ever leave you. ”
For a minute, they stood there. The silence of the room was heavy, but Taylor needed Fletcher to understand the magnitude of his feelings. Fletcher didn’t know what it was like to be loved like this. Taylor needed to be patient with him and remind him as much as possible.
“Fuck, Taylor. I don’t think I can beat that,” Fletcher choked out a few beats later.
Taylor let out a laugh as he pulled Fletcher closer into him. As tight as possible. Until their bodies melted into each other. He never wanted to let go. He needed to always be with him. “Well, it’s good that we’re on the same team.”