Chapter 31 The Emotional Baggage Game #3
Taylor threw him a bone when he casually slung an arm across the back of Fletcher’s chair. He didn’t touch him, but it gave Fletcher a tiny semblance of hope that Taylor didn’t hate him for being a jealous asshole.
After dinner Jesse drove them back to the hotel.
He sat up front in the passenger seat and Fletcher was alone in the back.
He listened as Taylor and Jesse continued to bicker about how Jesse never answered any of his calls.
Why he decided to go to Georgetown. Why he ended up running away from their sister’s house.
Jesse refused to tell Taylor the full story and instead only told him bits and pieces about getting into arguments and disagreements with their brother-in-law about stupid things.
As they walked through the hobby, Taylor still didn’t talk to Fletcher.
He wouldn’t even look at him. Fletcher was going crazy not knowing if Taylor was going to yell at him or blow up the way his dad would.
He reached out to hold Taylor’s hand in the elevator and was relieved when Taylor intertwined their fingers together.
Taylor held his hand as they walked back to their room, but he still wouldn’t talk or even look at Fletcher.
He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed Taylor to do something.
Say something. To look at him at the very least. He came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Taylor.
Taylor kept ignoring him. He kissed him on the back of his shoulder.
On his neck. He was willing to try anything for Taylor just to turn and look at him.
For him to tell Fletcher that he wasn’t going to leave him for making a mistake.
Finally, Taylor spoke. He asked Fletcher why he said the things about Maude.
Fletcher knew the answer. He said it to upset Taylor the way he had been upset.
Taylor didn’t believe him. He lied to Taylor and told him that he was trying to tell a convincing story to conceal their relationship. Taylor didn’t believe him.
Thoughts crept into Fletcher’s mind, telling him that he had lost Taylor.
That he had messed up. Taylor had realized that Fletcher carried a lot of baggage that he himself hadn’t even scratched the surface of.
For so long, Fletcher had convinced himself that moving to Seattle would erase the nineteen years of beratement he had received from his dad.
The thousands of times he had been called worthless or a disappointment.
But last night gave him the sudden realization that those thoughts hadn’t gone away. He was just too blinded by his love for Taylor that overpowered every other thought and feeling he had.
Fletcher told himself that he was going to lose Taylor.
He begged Taylor to kiss him. He told Taylor that he loved them.
Their love was so fresh and fragile that Fletcher didn’t know if it was set in stone.
Maybe Taylor would have second thoughts and realize he didn’t actually love Fletcher.
It was too overwhelming for him to comprehend, and he couldn’t breathe until Taylor kissed him and told him everything would be okay.
Taylor asked him again why he said those things, and Fletcher could see in his eyes how hurt Taylor was. He told Sánchez that he had loved Maude. Not even a full twenty-four hours after telling Taylor that he loved him. It was stupid, stupid, stupid.
He reassured Taylor and told him that he only loved him, but it didn’t work.
He and Taylor were having this conversation whether he liked it or not.
It wasn’t only Taylor who reminded Fletcher that his love was unconditional that he mustered up enough confidence to confess his feelings of doubt to Taylor.
That he didn’t feel worthy of Taylor’s love.
Fletcher had hidden these feelings from not only Taylor but himself for so long that he couldn’t even properly voice them to Taylor. How was he supposed to describe a feeling to Taylor if he couldn’t even comprehend it himself?
Fletcher still thought it was too late. He had confessed to wanting to hurt Taylor and Taylor was going to leave him. But he didn’t.
He gave Fletcher the most heart-wrenching love declaration he had ever heard.
It made his heart hurt so much from the intensity of it that he couldn’t even come up with his own.
His mind was filled with thoughts of Taylor.
He loved Taylor. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Taylor.
He needed Taylor. He couldn’t breathe without Taylor. It was too much to deal with at once.
After Taylor pulled away from their hug, he and Fletcher finished packing for their early flight out.
He and Taylor didn’t have sex that night.
They slept holding each other. It was the first time that they had slept together as a couple without being intimate.
And despite the gut-wrenching love declaration Taylor had given him, he woke up with the thoughts back in his mind.
He pulled back the covers and kissed every square inch of Taylor’s body.
Every kiss was a love declaration. A way of telling Taylor the way he felt but couldn’t put into words.
Taylor woke up as Fletcher took him into his mouth and looked down at Fletcher with an intense look in his eyes.
He ran his hand through Fletcher’s hair and chanted “I love you,” as he came down Fletcher’s throat.
Fletcher needed to be closer to him. He needed Taylor so fucking badly.
He reached for the lube and slicked his hole and stroked Taylor as he quickly got hard again.
He straddled Taylor’s waist and rode him until Taylor quickly wrapped his arms around him and flipped them.
Fletcher’s head landed on a pillow as Taylor thrusted into him.
Every thrust was an “I love you.” Fletcher clung to Taylor’s body as Taylor pounded into him.
He clawed at Taylor’s back like a wild animal, desperate to just have more.
More Taylor. More. More. More. He was fucking insatiable.
He and Taylor locked eyes the entire time. They took turns cupping each other’s faces and kissing each other. Tears filled his eyes as Taylor picked up his speed, cradling Fletcher’s head to him as he worked himself in and out of Fletcher. So protective. So lovingly.
He spilled into Fletcher and flipped him over before tasting himself on Fletcher. He stroked Fletcher until he finished in Taylor’s hand. He brought his fingers up to Fletcher’s mouth to taste his arousal on his fingers. The physical evidence of their love.
They showered together and Taylor took him from behind, pressing Fletcher up against the shower glass. He stuck his fingers inside of Fletcher’s mouth and Fletcher sucked on them as Taylor pounded into him. Fletcher came even before Taylor did.
He didn’t know how they got to the airport with time to spare, but somehow, they reached their gate.
Fletcher dragged him into the bathroom and dropped to his knees to taste him.
When he felt Taylor get close he pulled off and let Taylor finish on his face.
He needed to know what it felt like. Taylor grabbed a paper towel and carefully cleaned him before pressing a kiss to his forehead and telling Fletcher he was a good boy.
Fletcher lived to hear that. It was the only kind of validation he needed.
It was torture not being able to hold Taylor’s hand as they waited to board. It was torture sitting in the standard first-class seats that didn’t offer them any privacy. It was torture riding back to the Pancek house and not being able to kiss.
Taylor announced to the Panceks that he would be leaving for Florida.
Gretchen helped him pack as Fletcher told his mom that he was coming after all.
Fletcher asked Jesse if he wanted to come, but Jesse told him that he had business to attend to in Seattle.
Taylor pressed his brother for answers because of how sketchy it sounded, but Jesse explained that he had a friend from middle school he was meeting up with.
They got into Fletcher’s car and Taylor couldn’t keep his hands off him. They frantically made their way up to Fletcher’s apartment and made love.
“I’m so sorry, Taylor,” Fletcher told him softly. “I’ll never hurt you again,” he promised Taylor.
Taylor looked at him and smiled. “I know, baby boy.” Taylor leaned down and kissed Fletcher once more.