Chapter 39 The Name Game
The Name Game
Somehow, Taylor still didn’t feel fully confident that Fletcher told him everything about his talk with Sean.
He wanted to bring it up with Fletcher, but he was worried it would backfire.
Taylor was frustrated about the situation in general.
Fletcher had a lot of emotional baggage that he needed to sort through, so Taylor was going to make sure he was there to support his boyfriend in any way possible.
“We should probably strip the bed,” Fletcher told him once they were back in his apartment. “And do some laundry.”
“Our first time doing laundry together,” Taylor gushed.
He loved the idea of being domestic with Fletcher.
It made him feel like they were a normal couple.
“Can the covers on the couch cushions be washed too?” he asked him, remembering the fact that they both were soaking wet on the couch last night while Taylor had blown and fucked him.
“That’s probably the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Fletcher sighed. Taylor knew he was being completely serious.
“I love you and your clean-freak nature.”
He helped Fletcher remove all the sheets from the mattress, stripping it bare.
Fletcher started the first load of laundry while Taylor worked on removing the fabric covers on the couch.
“Don’t you think you’ll get rid of this thing when your lease ends?
” he asked. “I don’t think I want this thing in my apartment. ”
Fletcher gave him a look, pretending to be offended, “you don’t like my couch? It was my first grown-up purchase.”
Taylor started tossing Fletcher each cover so he could make a pile next to his laundry closet. “I think something leather would be better.”
“But leather isn’t that comfortable.”
“Easier to clean,” Taylor told him with a suggestive smirk. “Think about it.” He pointed at his brain.
“You had me at ’easier to clean,’ baby. It’s so sexy when you match my freak,” Fletcher grinned. He walked over to the bare mattress and sat down on the edge.
“When have I ever not matched your freak?” Taylor rolled his eyes. “If anything, you’re the one who couldn’t possibly match my freak.”
He walked over and sat down next to Fletcher. “Outside clothes on the bed. What has gotten into you? What a naughty boy,” Taylor teased as he scooped Fletcher up and pulled him into his lap.
“There’s no sheets on it, so it doesn’t technically count,” Fletcher said.
He straddled Taylor’s legs and reached down behind Taylor’s head, removing the elastic that kept his hair tied back and letting his hair fall down his neck.
Fletcher slipped Taylor’s hair elastic onto his wrist as he ran his hand through Taylor’s hair and leaned in to kiss him.
“So, I’m guessing you don’t want to take your clothes off?” Taylor asked against Fletcher’s lips. He ran his hands beneath Fletcher’s skin and brushed his calloused hands over Fletcher’s soft skin.
“You can take my shirt off,” Fletcher whispered. “If I can take yours off.”
Taylor snorted. “Maybe we can even hold hands.”
“Outside,” Fletcher told him. “In public. I want to hold hands with you in public.”
Taylor’s heart fluttered. “I do too.”
“Let me take you out on a date. A real one.” Taylor looked at Fletcher, who looked back at him with complete seriousness in his eyes. “What if we didn’t come out. What if we just skip over it and…”
“Just be a normal couple?” Taylor asked, sounding like he didn’t really believe Fletcher was being serious. Fletcher nodded.
He placed his hands on Taylor’s shoulders. “Why does it have to be such a big deal?”
“I would say it’s kind of important. Not like having an ‘I’m gay and I’m proud’ moment, per se.
But we still have our careers to think about.
” Taylor couldn’t care less about people knowing he was in love with a man, but he was still concerned about the reactions of the other players in the league.
He was worried it would make them both targets and the laughing stocks of the league.
Taylor wasn’t prepared to risk the respect he had busted his ass to earn.
“I’m sure we aren’t the only gay hockey players in the NHL,” Fletcher said.
“Right,” Taylor agreed. Obviously, there were other gay NHL players. “But they’re closeted just like we are. What makes us any different than them?”
“We’re the best,” Fletcher told him, like it was the most obvious thing ever. “You’re the best,” Fletcher clarified.
Taylor shook his head. “You, Fletcher.” He pointed to Fletcher, poking him on his chest. “Don’t belittle yourself. Don’t ever do that.” Fletcher’s eyes looked off into the distance like he was lost in his thoughts all of a sudden. “Baby?”
“I’m an Armstrong,” Fletcher said, like he was completing a thought in his head. Taylor didn’t exactly follow.
“Trust me, baby, I know,” Taylor chuckled. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m an Armstrong. The next Armstrong. I’ve spent my entire life trying to live up to the name, but at the end of the day I’m still an Armstrong.” Fletcher held Taylor’s face in his hands. “Loving you can’t change that. No matter what my family could say or do. My name has power. Influence.”
“So, you’re like…reclaiming it or something?” Taylor swallowed.
Fletcher let out a deep breath and nodded. “Armstrongs make history. I could make history.”
Taylor nodded, trying to process it. Fletcher was right.
His name opened doors for him that Taylor otherwise had to pry open with a crowbar.
He may be looked down upon by people in the league who are against him being gay.
But at the end of the day, Fletcher had influence.
He was born having respect. But Taylor wasn’t.
Respect can be lost a hell of a lot easier than it’s earned.
Fletcher’s name gave him security, but Taylor didn’t have that same privilege.
He and Fletcher both knew Taylor had to work twice as hard as Fletcher did to be where they were today.
Not only because Fletcher had royal hockey blood, but because guys who looked like Taylor weren’t treated with the same seriousness as white guys.
Guys like Taylor, Douglas, and Sánchez did not have the easy path into the NHL that guys like Fletcher or even Bolving did.
Men of color were constantly being overlooked and discredited because of the color of their skin.
Taylor was happy that Fletcher was able to reach this epiphany, but selfishly he envied the fact that being gay in the NHL would be a hell of a lot easier for Fletcher than it would be for him.
“So, what do you think?” Fletcher asked him.
“I think it makes a lot of sense,” Taylor told him. “Being the first openly gay NHL player in the league could probably strengthen the Armstrong name. I’m sure even your dad would be able to see it that way if we handled things properly.”
“You think we should tell him?” Fletcher asked.
Taylor shrugged. “We could let him milk the hell out of it. It’s not like it’s the eighties or something.
Nobody cares if you’re gay. Nobody worth worrying about, anyways.
” Taylor took a second to think. “You could come out to him. Mention an exclusive interview with Variety or something. Make him think it’s his idea.
If we spin it the right way, then you very well could be the first openly gay player. ”
“You too,” Fletcher told him innocently. “I don’t think I could do it without you.”
Taylor could feel tears filling his eyes. He turned his head away so Fletcher couldn’t see him. “You know I can’t,” Taylor said sadly. “We both know it’s not the same.”
“Taylor…”
He turned his head to look at Fletcher, figuring it made no sense to hide himself from him. Not from the man he wanted to spend his life with. “I’m nobody,” Taylor reminded him.
“That’s not true. You’re the fucking best, Taylor.
Sure, we were brought up differently. I recognize that I was awarded a lot more privileges.
I know it isn’t fair. I fucking hate it, baby.
But you’ve made a name for yourself. Everyone in the league knows your name.
You were rookie of the fucking year.” Fletcher wiped a tear from Taylor’s cheek.
“You were nobody, but now you’re not. You did it.
You made it to the top on your own goddamn merit, my love. ”
“It means the world to me that you can see and acknowledge that. Really. But I don’t think it’s that simple, sweetheart.”
Fletcher nodded slightly as if he was trying to let everything settle inside of him. Then he shook his head. “No.”
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
He shrugged. “I’m sorry, but no. I won’t accept that.”
Taylor lowered his eyebrows. “Are you trying to solve racism right now?”
“First openly gay Native American NHL player. In the world.” Fletcher poked Taylor in his chest as he said it.
“I’d say bisexual,” Taylor corrected him. Fletcher just rolled his eyes.
“Make history with me,” he said seriously. “What’s the point in coming out if I can’t be open about who my partner is?”
Taylor swallowed. He did have a point. A really good point, actually. “You really think it could work?” Taylor was going to consider it. It was worth a shot.
“Really. We’re going to take control of the narrative and exploit it for our benefit.”
Taylor smirked. “You sound just like Sean Armstrong.”
“I’m taking that as a compliment,” Fletcher smiled as he leaned down to kiss Taylor. “We’re going to spend our lives together, Taylor. Let it be on our terms and no one else’s. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Taylor may be the one who took control in the bedroom, but he loved the way Fletcher was taking control of this. Of their future together. It meant the world to him. “Okay,” Taylor smiled at him.
“Good boy,” Fletcher grinned. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”