Chapter 44 #2
“It’s a shame, isn’t it, that we judge people on how they look.
When I was known as Kelly-Anne, I was called names – ugly, fat, retard – all because of how I looked.
Those girls – Chelsea and Dolly – they were like moths to a flame if someone was pretty.
They wanted to be pretty, but they weren’t, they just couldn’t see that.
They had no resilience. I was thought fragile, not because of how I looked, I was too obese to be fragile, but because I didn’t fit in.
Chelsea and Dolly needed to be seen as strong, they were leaders because if you were leading the pack, you were at the front.
Protected. But they got there by trampling on others, putting others down to protect themselves.
” She tapped her nails against the table again.
“There are other ways to get to the top, and ones by rising rather than climbing. And a rising tide should float all boats, shouldn’t it? ”
“That was why you waited until now, wasn’t it? The weather. The water would help the bodies rise up.”
“Along with all the other rubbish and shit and useless crap.” She tapped twice more against the table and whipped her hand back. “A rising tide brings everything up; success can lift others, but it also allows you to see people for what they are.”
“What about Charlie? Did he know what you had planned?”
Her lips curved into a warped smile. “I climbed on him. He was the first step up so I knew I could do it because it takes quite a lot of force. I got a huge high from doing it though – stabbing someone like that. I think that was the first time I knew what it was like to be that powerful. I understood then why Dolly and Chelsea were the way they were. But yes, Daniel told me you’d found out about Charlie.
Credit to you, Mia.” She glanced at her solicitor.
“It was useful, you asking Daniel questions about the case because I knew where you were up to. He told me about your conversations – he was proud of you, Mia. And he was proud of himself too, because he credited himself with every one of your successes. How you’d reinvented yourself. ”
“I didn’t reinvent myself. You’re drawing a parallel that isn’t there.
” I was aware of my colleagues watching.
Nick. Vinny. Lachy. Wrigley. The DCI and the Super.
“I haven’t changed. I know who I am and what made me, every last pinching minute of how I became the person who sits here, and I celebrate it.
I don’t want to leave behind the girl I was, because I’m still her. I accepted her.”
“Maybe. Because that’s what you believe. But you changed your name. You don’t have your mum’s name anymore.”
“Because I wanted someone who was brave to live on. But you didn’t really reinvent yourself either. You gave yourself a cover story.”
Her head tipped up; chin lifted. “I gave myself permission not to be a victim anymore.”
“You justified killing people.”
“I was right to. Simpering, self-adoring, narcissistic bitches. They deserved it, so you can have your confession. One day, Mia, you’ll understand. When the opportunity arises, see if you don’t take it.” She looked at her solicitor. “I’d like a break now. I’m tired.”
I stood up, needing air, needing light. “Interview concluded at eleven-thirty am. I left the room, wanting to walk straight outside. Instead I headed to the room where the interview was being streamed, needing to face my colleagues.
There was silence when I walked in, the unnerving sort, the sort that suggests you’ve been discussed in great detail.
I felt raw, as if someone had stripped me naked and left it all out there to see.
“Well done, Mac.” Wrigley nodded at me. “We’ll charge her later.”
“Good. Keep her on suicide watch.” I knew she’d end up in a secure unit, visited by members of the media and fans who convinced themselves they were in love with her. She’d hold court in her own way, and for the first time her voice would be heard.
A far cry from being trapped naked in that cellar.
She’d become a symbol for victims of bullying, her own victims an example of consequences.
Who was Kelly-Anne Marsh? A victim or a perpetrator?
I thought again of Daniel’s free lecture, his current research, of Kelly-Anne and of me, and what his agenda might be. I thought of what else Kelly-Anne/Justine, could’ve disclosed in that room, in front of my colleagues, and why she chose not to.
Because this wasn’t about me.
“Job done, everyone. Tomorrow’s a rest day for us – not for the Tech Squad or forensics.” He patted me on the shoulder. “You’re all on call though so don’t be spending the day getting wankered.” There was a general groan as people left.
“Sir, do you mind if I take off? I’ve got a few things to take care of.”
He studied me as if he still couldn’t suss me out. “Vinny told me you were moving out of your flat. Are you sorted with somewhere to go?”
“I am. I need to get the rest of my things though. And I need to see someone.”
He clenched his jaw briefly and I wondered what he really wanted to say. “I took a statement from Daniel Fletcher earlier. I don’t believe he knew what Justine was doing.”
I knew which Daniel he’d spoken to. Emotional, prone to long explanations and theorising. The professor who was on a different plane.
“Maybe not. I do need to see him. She was his assistant – there are going to be questions for the university and I can give him an overview.” That wasn’t entirely true.
“Be careful, Mia. I seem to spend half my life telling you that.”
I just nodded then left.