Chapter 31 #2
Up ahead, he was distracted from his thoughts when Turner struck up a conversation with Ena and the new witch. It was mostly “How’s it going?” and “Do you think we should stop soon?” until Turner clearly got around to the topic he wanted to discuss in the first place.
“So, can I ask, what made you decide to join us?” he asked Cris.
Cris shrugged nonchalantly, as if the answer was obvious.
“I trust Ena. I know she wouldn’t lie about any of the things she told me, and neither would Gaia.
When she gave Ena that vision, she gave it to her for a reason, and I’m willing to trust that too.
Besides, the amulet is clearly powerful.
I’ve never felt anything like it, and you can’t fake that. ”
Turner nodded, seeming somewhat satisfied. “And how do you feel about working with two daemons? Think you can stomach it?” he asked jokingly, but clearly feeling the man out for any disloyalty or trickery.
Ty smiled to himself. Everyone tended to underestimate Turner, given his smiley attitude, but the man was a vicious fighter and, while he was absolutely fucking terrible at lying, he could still be cunning. Decades of working closely with his father had necessitated it.
Cris shifted on his horse a bit. “Well, I won’t lie, it’s definitely off-putting. I know Ena says many of the things we’ve been told aren’t true, but I’ve been told a lot of bad things, so…”
“Yeah, well, don’t believe everything you hear, especially not from witches,” Turner said with a wink.
Cris huffed a laugh. “I guess I shouldn’t now… Still trying to wrap my mind around that.” He was silent for a minute, clearly falling back into his thoughts before speaking again. “Can I ask you something?” he asked Turner.
“Sure.”
“How does your Power work? It’s…surprising how similar it is to my Gift.”
“Right, Ena said your Gift is calor?”
Cris nodded.
“Well, I don’t know how yours works, but mine comes from my body,” Turner explained. “I can create the heat, and concentrate it in my hand, and just like that, set shit on fire,” he said, grinning at this description.
“Yes, you certainly love setting shit on fire,” Ena replied pointedly.
“Hey, I thought I was forgiven for that whole…house incident,” Turner replied defensively.
“You burned down the Auster matriarch’s house?” Cris asked incredulously.
“Only because he told me to,” Turner said, gesturing his head back at Ty.
“Don’t drag me into this,” Ty replied. He’d made his amends with Ena already. He didn’t need to explain himself to this asshole.
Ena laughed, and he felt his grumpy mood disintegrate ever so slightly. At least she was happy.
“Anyway…” she said, suppressing her mirth and bringing the conversation back to focus. “How does your Gift work, Cris? We haven’t talked much since your Summoning.”
“It’s similar in a way,” Cris said. “But I draw on my Knowing to sense the particles in the air, or in an object, and force them to move together, to create friction and heat…sometimes light.”
“Can’t you do that, too, Ena? I’ve seen you light fires,” Turner asked.
“In a way, but I need a spellword. Cris doesn’t. And I can just create a spark, not warm the air to a specific temperature, or warm an object.”
Turner nodded, and Ty found himself engaged in the conversation, despite himself. There was still so much he didn’t know about witches and their magic.
“What about you, Ena? How does your Gift work?” Cris asked her.
Ty saw her hesitate, and it hurt his heart. She didn’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed about her Gift. It was fucking amazing what she could do, but he knew she still wrestled with the idea that it was associated with daemons, and extremely unheard of for witches.
“It works a lot like daemonic Powers, actually, by allowing me to sense another’s mind, only I do it using my Knowing, and then I can control them using my words, like everything I say is a spellword.”
“Wow,” Cris said. “That’s…intense.” He was quiet for a minute, but in his silence was disapproval, and something like fear, and it made Ty want to throttle him all over again. “Did you use it on my brothers when you left the note?” Cris asked.
“Yes,” Ena admitted. “It was the safest thing for us. I swear I didn’t harm them.” There was a hint of guilt in her voice, but Ty noted that she didn’t apologize for doing it—didn’t even try—and he was proud of her for that.
“I know,” Cris said understandingly. “I know you wouldn’t do that.”
He saw Ena relax a bit, and the four of them went back to riding in silence for a while. They stopped several times for brief breaks throughout the day until the sun started to set—early, unfortunately, due to the time of year—and they stopped to set up camp.
Ty found a nice spot near a small stream where the horses could drink, and a flat clearing to set up their tents. Luckily, Cris had brought his own tent, so Ty wouldn’t be subjected to his presence all night. He thanked Iblis for that.
Leaving the witches to start a fire, and Turner to tend to the horses, Ty left to set a trap.
This time of year, the best game available were coyotes or raccoons, given that the temperatures were too cold for much else, and so he used his venator to catch their scents—following their tracks to their dens.
He set a few metal traps he’d brought with him to hopefully get some fresh meat for the morning, but he wasn’t very optimistic.
Still, the more he could get, the easier it would be on their food stores and reduce the need for trips into villages for more supplies—something which would be increasingly dangerous the closer they got to Occidens—so it was worth a shot.
He was getting close to their camp when his venator picked up Cris and Ena’s voices, and something about their tone made him pause.
Looking through the trees, he spotted them. The light was dim, so they couldn’t see him, but with his Gift, he could make out their faces clearly.
They were sitting together on a downed log by the fire—closer than he would’ve liked—and Cris was staring at her.
He paused for a second, knowing that he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but…
a larger, pettier part of him didn’t give two fucks at all.
He wanted—no, needed—to know what was going on between them, so he continued to listen.
“—was thinking you should sleep in my tent tonight,” Cris was saying. “I can keep it warm for us, and it’ll help with your healing. Besides, there’s plenty of room.”
“Oh,” Ena replied, her voice hesitant and almost…disappointed. “Yeah, okay, I guess that makes sense.”
Now she was gonna sleep in his tent? Ty’s heart plummeted. No. No, she couldn’t do that.
But she could. Of course she could. She wasn’t his anymore. She owed him nothing.
Fuck, this was brutal. He briefly considered not listening anymore, just to spare himself any more pain, but he couldn’t stop.
“You seem hesitant. Why is that?” Cris asked, not unkindly. “Are you…with one of those guys?”
“No,” Ena replied. Did her voice sound sad? “Not anymore.”
“But you were?” Cris prompted.
“Yes,” she said simply, her voice indicating that she didn’t want to talk about it.
Cris was silent for a second, and Ty was glad for it. The way Ena’s voice sounded talking about all this…he felt an echoing ache in his own chest.
“You know, I lied before,” Cris said when he finally spoke again.
“About what?” Ena asked, her voice confused.
“About why I decided to come,” Cris said. “Part of me came along to help, and because of course I believe you, about everything you said. But…it was also because of you. To keep you safe.”
“Cris…” Ena began, her voice sympathetic.
“Ena, I don’t know if I trust these daemons,” he said, interrupting her and lowering his voice to a whisper. “I mean, that Turner guy seems alright, but the other one? He’s menacing as shit. I didn’t want to leave you alone with them.”
“You can trust him,” Ena said, her voice imploring. “I promise you can. He just…he has his reasons for being that way.”
“Okay, if you say so,” Cris replied skeptically. “I’m just glad you’re safe. I was so worried when you were taken at Samhain, and I haven’t heard much since then.”
“I’m fine, I promise. I’ve been fine,” she said.
“Really?” Cris asked, looking down at her still-healing wrist.
“Yes,” she insisted. “Aside from that, it’s been…good for me. It’s been an adventure,” she replied, a small smile in her voice.
“You? Overly cautious Ena on an adventure?” Cris teased.
“Yes, asshole,” she said, nudging him with her shoulder. “Believe it or not, I think I’ve…changed. Or at least, I did, for a little while,” she said, seeming introspective. “Then something bad happened,” she added, gesturing at her hurt arm again. “And now I’m just…feeling kind of lost again.”
Cris nodded, like he was trying to understand. “Well, what about Greya and Heran? Do they know about any of this?”
Ena shook her head. “Not all of it, not yet.”
Cris scooted closer to her, and reached out to put his arm around her, making her raise her gaze to his. “Well, I’m here now,” he said. “And I can help protect you.” Leaning forward slightly, he bent his head as if to kiss her.
Ty froze—his heart absolutely wrenched from his chest as he watched the man move towards Ena. His blood began to boil, and he involuntarily moved to run—to stop them, to grab Cris and kick the ever-loving shit out of him—but then Ena pulled back, moving away from the intended kiss.
“No, Cris.” She stood up, clearly agitated at what just occurred.
“I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone to protect me.
Why does everyone keep saying that?” she asked, and he could tell she was pissed off now.
“I just want… I don’t know what I want anymore.
I thought I did, and then everything blew up and I can’t have what I want anymore, so now I just don’t know. ”
Ena paced back and forth now, and Cris reared back, as if shocked by the sudden extreme reaction.
“You know what, that’s a lie,” Ena continued, some dam having broken in her.
“I do know what I want. I want to be safe, and I want to be wild. I want to feel loved, but I want to be free. I want to keep my family and all of my friends. I want to be a witch and be with a—” Ena cut herself off.
She was practically yelling now, her voice echoing through the woods, and she seemed to recognize that and quieted down.
“But it doesn’t matter, because I can’t have everything that I want.
So I have to choose,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion.
Ty’s heart broke hearing her words. He knew she’d felt that way, that she hadn’t broken up with him because of a lack of love, but instead had done it out of fear.
And while he could never forgive himself for allowing her to get hurt, he also felt her struggle so keenly, because in many ways, he had the same one.
Since she was attacked, all he’d been able to focus on was getting her to safety, and now that they were safe, relatively, he had been focused on the last few steps required to break the spell.
But for the first time, he now thought, truly thought, what about after?
What about when all this was over and he had to go back to the Underworld, without her?
What would he do then? Because like Ena said, it was impossible to have everything he wanted, and that thought broke him, both for his own sake and hers.
And in this moment, hearing her grief over it, and feeling his own so acutely, he wanted nothing more but to go to her and hold her.
Soothe her. Deny it all and fix it. But he couldn’t.
All he could do was watch from afar, and it was torture.
Ena had quieted down now, and her pacing finally stopped. Cris mumbled an apology and some reassuring words, but Ena just brushed him off and insisted on going into the tent to lie down.
Ty was frozen where he stood, though. He couldn’t move; he didn’t know if he even wanted to. Maybe he would just sink into the earth right here and end it all.
Out of the dark, he heard Turner approaching him.
“You alright?” Turner asked quietly. Apparently, he had overheard, too, though how much, Ty wasn’t sure.
“No,” Ty responded simply.
“Maybe not now,” Turner replied sadly, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. “But one day, you will be. It won’t be this hard forever.”
He knew his friend was trying to be reassuring, but it didn’t help. None of it helped. Because he’d already tried living without her for nine years and he’d been miserable, and that was before he knew without a doubt that he was in love with her.
So no, he wasn’t alright, and part of him knew that once they broke the spell and she was gone from his life for good, he never would be.