65. Penelope
Penelope
“Love…” Lips pressed gently into mine, and my hair was brushed back from my face.
Light broke through for the briefest moment as my eyes fluttered.
The spicy, exotic scent was home. It had me moving closer until arms wrapped around me, pulling me in so that my face was buried in Vaughn’s chest. “Love, I brought you breakfast. It’s time to wake up and try to eat something. ”
Again, my eyes opened. They widened through his words as I pulled back.
“Breakfast?”
“You’ve been asleep for a while. Through the entire night. Elec said this might happen. Your body needed the rest.”
My gaze lowered, and with reality setting in, the tears came. I held them in as I nodded and swallowed back the pain in my heart and body that was immediate.
“Elec. That’s right.” I paused, pushing back our talk and what I had to do. “Where is he? Lawrence, I mean.”
Vaughn’s face hardened the smallest amount.
“The Place of No Return.”
“How long were you there?”
Hesitation had him sitting more up in the bed to lie against the headboard. He twisted his mouth, only to let out a deep breath. “Four.”
“In the morning? Of course, in the morning,” I said lowly. “Is he alive?”
“He’ll make it to trial and to the sacrifice.”
Nodding, I pushed to sit. I didn’t want to think of Lawrence a moment more. Yet, he was all that consumed me as I glanced to the tray, sitting on the table next to Vaughn.
“Is that my breakfast?”
“Yes.” He reached over, picking it up and placing it on the bed before me. I went to remove one of the lids, but he reached, holding to my hand. “How are you? And don’t say okay. Talk to me. How are you, really?”
The tears burned my eyes, but I held them in.
“I’m managing. I’m angry.” I gripped tighter to his hand. “More than angry. I know I shouldn’t be. I have no doubts you made him pay. And he’ll more than likely be sentenced to death by The Judic—”
“He will.”
I nodded. “That doesn’t change how I’m feeling. I’ll move past this. It’ll take time, it’s just… the last two years have been a constant rollercoaster. My mind.” I stopped, lowering my gaze as my bottom lip trembled. “I’m tired. It’s been a lot.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for that, but it’s almost over. At least the hard parts.”
Answering was impossible. I let go of his hand, removing the lid to the tray. I had no appetite as I looked down at the multiple options.
“You have to try.”
Vaughn’s voice was low. I reached forward, grabbing a piece of toast. I could barely chew as I took small bites and sipped my tea. I felt nauseous, and my stomach felt slightly crampy but queasy.
“I can’t.” I put half the toast down, slipping off the opposite side of the bed. I barely got the bathroom door shut behind me as the tears slipped down my face. The internal screams had me wanting to join them. To mimic my true emotions and go crazy from all this injustice.
“Penelope? Are you okay?”
I wiped the wetness. “I’m just going to go to the restroom and start getting ready. Why don’t you take my tray back to the kitchen. I’m not hungry.”
A few seconds passed. “How about this, love. I’m going to take the tray and get rid of the guards. Do what you need to. Cry. Scream. Destroy the room. Burn it to the ground. Whatever you need. You have ten minutes.”
Clanking had me looking towards the barrier. As if something deep within me came to life, my body began to shake.
Ten minutes.
The door open and shut in the distance, and my mind spun. It slowed.
Ten minutes.
No one could see me. No one would know. A queen would have more self-control, but right now, I didn’t have to be her.
I could be Penelope. Just a young woman who had been abducted numerous times, raped, lost possibly two children, beaten…
and a woman who had more responsibilities than most of the world.
And that was okay… but it didn’t have to be right now.
I could take this moment for myself. I deserved a fucking moment…
A moment to break.
To rage.
To scream and cry.
I held to that as I brushed my teeth. When I finished, my eyes lifted to the mirror, immediately lowering at the dark shades of purple over half my face.
I forced my gaze back up through the sob. My shoulders drew back, and before I could stop myself, my hand settled over my stomach. The action was like a trigger.
Yes… Rage.
My fingers curled in, grabbing the white nightgown.
The room tilted, and the screams grew. But not just in my head.
I was letting them out. I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
I grabbed everything I could throw. My hairbrush.
The rack that held my skincare routine. I picked up the metal toothbrush holder rearing back.
The dark marks covering my throat pulled at me like a beacon.
My eyes followed them, moving up to my cheek.
The busted blood vessels in my eye made half the white bright red.
I hated it. I hated this. Him—Lawrence.
He did this to me. Now I was stuck with the consequences. A repercussion I didn’t want. One I’d never forget nor forgive.
Hate.
Hate…
Hate!
I hurled the heavy toothbrush holder at the reflection of my face, letting the large sheet of glass shatter before me. Jagged pieces fell to the marble counter while smaller ones slid over the edge to my feet.
Louder, I screamed, and I couldn’t stop. I spun back for the room, pulling the blankets off the bed. I cleared the top of the dresser in one swipe, opening the drawers and tearing the clothes out in handfuls to throw. My cries continued with the destruction.
None of this would fix anything. I knew that. But if I had to hold one more thing in; if I didn’t release this devastation, it could possibly ruin me.
The hate would fester.
This need to detonate would grow.
I picked up a shoe, hurling it to the opposite end of the room. Next went my mini vanity’s chair. I was breathing so hard as my eyes searched for something else. Anything. Everything. All I found were more tears. I was running out of time. But what was time? What was anything anymore?
Round and round, I spun. I headed through the door adjoining the king and queen’s chamber, slowing as I looked around a room meant for me…
but wasn’t always mine. It had been Vaughn’s mother’s.
And his grandmother’s before that. The realization slowed me.
Needing to cause damage was still there, but it faded as I took slow steps to the larger vanity.
As I approached and pulled out the seat, I almost became unhinged. My hand almost lurched forward to destroy the beautiful glass perfume bottles, but I resisted.
I lowered, staring at my battered appearance.
Yes, I was at a low. Maybe the lowest I would ever be, but I would rise. I knew that just as much as I knew I’d never let anyone close enough to hurt me again.
Picking up the brush, my hand shook as I began letting the bristles comb through my hair. My eyes closed, and I focused on the feel as the last of the sobs forced their way free. I let the slow strokes calm me. I opened my eyes, losing myself in the act.
I was trained to kill. To lead. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t be content with where I was now. It wasn’t good enough. I’d still been taken. Raped. Abused. I had still lost guards. No… I’d be stronger. I’d be smarter.
My chest tightened, and I saw nothing but my plans to protect me and those I loved.
I let them devour me. Feed me. I hadn’t even seen Vaughn walk up until he was lowering behind me to wrap his arms around my waist. His lips pressed into my wet cheek, and he didn’t say a word.
He walked to the closet, opening it. When I stood and joined him, he faced me, waiting.
I grabbed a pair of gray slacks and an ivory turtleneck. I took my time getting ready. I faded in and out of the black thoughts that still whispered death… but death would come. Tonight. I would relish in the new beginning. Because that’s what this was.
With Vaughn’s return as king, there had to be a sacrifice.
My mind only told me what it could comprehend.
Karma wasn’t kind. It wanted more than Lawrence Evans.
It wanted part of me too, and it had carved those pieces out and taken them for its own.
But the end was here, and I had survived it. That was what mattered.
“Is there any messages for me?”
I slid on my belt, fastening it and slipping on my flats. I could tell when I glanced up to Vaughn, he wasn’t happy with my question, but he nodded.
“Mr. Prescott called to check on you. I told him you’d call him back when you felt better. The Council also sent a message to officially meet with the both of us to go over a plan for stepping into the throne. I told them it’s going to take time, but we’d meet with them as soon as we’re able.”
Slowly my head nodded.
“Mrs. Whitlock called to check on how you were doing.”
“Everleigh? The former slave?”
Vaughn paused. “That’s right.”
“I really need to meet her.” I let out a deep breath.
“She helped find you.”
My mouth opened but no words came at first. “Everleigh Whitlock helped in my search?”
“More than helped. Her and Luke, the Main Master from Red Island, were the ones who discovered where you were. They were searching through satellites and cameras. They’re truly an amazing team.
I don’t know how long it would have been had I not had them.
All I could think was to burn his homes to the ground.
I figured you had to be in one of them, and if we met resistance, we’d finally figure it out. ”
Emotions hit hard, and I shivered.
“I can’t imagine having to have stayed there longer. I owe them—”
“We owe them. We won’t forget.”
“I should call her.”
“In time.” Vaughn cupped my face. “There is no rush. She knows that. She’ll be there when you’re ready.” He leaned down, his lips brushing mine. “Can I talk you into eating something small, or do you want to jump right into work?”
“What about the mess? I… broke the bathroom mirror. The room is destroyed.”
His lips pulled back to the side. “You wouldn’t be the first. I replaced it when you were at Grove Square. As for the mess, don’t even worry about it. Today, we focus on you. What does Penelope need?”
I stared into hazel eyes, reaching out to grab onto the long sleeve black shirt he now wore. The suit was gone. Maybe he changed for me. I didn’t know. It was a statement that he wasn’t working, but I could if I needed to.
“You’re too good to me.”
“I’m raising the bar. Good is not sufficient. I love you. You will have the best of me, always. That is nonnegotiable.”
Vaughn wiped my tears, leading me to the door.
“Food? Work? What are we doing until the ritual? Or would you like to help prepare?”
I came to a stop at the door. My guards stared straight ahead—a pillar of strength. Of servitude.
“I can help prepare for the ritual?”
“You can do anything you want to do. You are the Queen.”
“Yes…” I wrapped my arm around Vaughn’s, holding to him as I felt myself step back into my purpose. Back into my new life. “I am The Queen of The Order. … The High Mistress. I fought like hell to rule this place. I lost… so much to make it to this point. I am worthy.”
Vaughn slowed, turning to face me. A fire seemed to spark in his eyes as his lids dropped the smallest amount.
“Yes, you are worthy, Penelope. Don’t ever forget that.”