Chapter 12
Kat
It was the look in his eyes that did it.
It went right through me. He saw the real me, the one I barely saw myself, I’d buried it so deep behind the sandbags and barricades and coils of razor wire.
It felt strange to be seen. A spotlight on me, when I was used to darkness.
Used to staring out an artillery slit in an armored tank.
Now here I was, not just seen, not just naked, but riding his gorgeous dick, with wild, wanton abandon. He clutched my ass, lifting me, pumping his thick, hard cock up deeply as he gave me that look…as if he was afraid to be seen, too, but he had no choice but to reveal himself to me.
There was nothing more exciting than that.
My pussy clenched greedily around him, squeezing, fluttering with wave after wave of shimmering sensation, already like an orgasm.
My whole body welcomed him, the field beyond my body as well.
I was conscious of whole new realms of existence where he and I were linked, where there was no time, where I had no limits, where no roles were imposed on us.
What had happened to me, to my family—it had not broken me.
It did not limit me, it had not damaged my core self, and that was the person he was making love to.
She was a creature I barely recognized. Free, wild, powerful.
Unashamed and unafraid. Exploding with power, and wild joy.
It was an explosion of light in my deepest foundation, and it blew everything into vapor and dust, leaving me floating. Glowing. Exquisitely soft.
I stayed out there, in that soft, weightless place for a long time. It was the throb of his heart against my fingers that brought me back to our bodies.
I had splayed my hand against his sinewy neck, and I was feeling his pulse against my fingertips. Strong, steady, galloping. We were glued together with sweat.
He stirred, lifting his head. “You must be cold,” he said.
I realized, startled, that I was smiling at him like an idiot. “I am so far from cold right now,” I said.
“It was good for you?”
I laughed at him. “Aren’t you a suave billionaire playboy?” I teased. “Asking for reassurance is not in the script.”
“You’re not in the script, either,” he said. “And you are no plaything.”
I threaded my fingers into his chest hair, gently digging my short nails into that thick, cut wall of muscle. “You got that right,” I agreed. “But in answer to your question, it was incredible. Like nothing else I’ve ever felt. Don’t get cocky, though.”
“I won’t get cocky, trust me,” he said. “I certainly don’t take any credit for what just happened. It was like…I don’t know. Like being carried away by a flash flood.”
“Did I hurt you? Did I leave bruises?” I asked.
His eyes narrowed. “Are you fucking with me?”
I put up my fingers, thumb and forefinger touching, smiling. “Maybe just a leetle tiny bit,” I admitted. “But you can take it. If you can survive the cataclysmic tsunami of my lovemaking.”
“Oh, hush up. You’re shivering. Let’s get into bed.”
“I am in a state of perfect bliss. Don’t mess with me. I don’t want to move. I don’t want a thing to change.”
“Fine, don’t move. I’ll do everything.” He picked me up, with shocking ease.
“Whoa!” I stiffened in alarm. “Don’t do that!”
“Relax,” he soothed, toting me across the room as if I weighed nothing at all. “Remember how you were going to trust me, and let me lead? Did I let you down?”
I slowly wound my arms around his neck, clasping his ass with my legs, and squeezed my pussy appreciatively around his already freshly hardening dick.
“No,” I admitted. “But how long is the statute of limitations on this ‘you take the lead’ vibe? I should have defined the terms more carefully, you sneaky bastard. Goddamn billionaires. Can’t trust ’em as far as you can throw ’em.”
He laughed, as he strode across the large room, now full of shadows in shades of gray and blue.
He slid me off his gorgeous prong with a shuddering sigh, and then set me onto my feet long enough to fling back the covers.
“Lie down,” he said. “Let me just get rid of this condom, and I’ll be right with you. ”
He disappeared into an adjoining room, and in those few seconds alone, I felt my usual stupid anxiety start to rise again. Goddamn it. It made me angry at myself.
When he came back, he lifted the covers, an inviting gesture. “Join me?”
“You know, I’m not really the hang-around-and-cuddle type,” I told him.
“I’m more the ‘wham-bam-thank-you-Sam’ type.
I’m nervous and twitchy. I run off my mouth, hurt people’s feelings.
And I don’t want to ruin this. It was too perfect.
Maybe it’s better if we say goodnight now.
And I go crash in that room you gave me before.
We can leave this thing just as it is. Still perfect. ”
“No,” he said. “We’re not done. Not even close.”
I just flapped my mouth, at a total loss. “But this is not me,” I said. “This isn’t my playbook.”
“I’m not in your playbook,” he said. “But I’m not going to waste one single fucking instant that I could spend with you. You’re nervous? Tough shit. So am l. You’re terrifying. But you’re also incredible. And we’ve now solved that mystery that was tormenting us.”
“And what mystery was that?”
He sat on the bed, slid between the covers, pulled me close. “We were wondering if the sex could be as intimate as the combat. I say yes, definitely. Maybe even more, because, you know. Orgasms. What do you say?”
He deserved for me to bat him around and give him shit, but I just opened my mouth and told him the naked truth. “Better,” I said.
We lay there, facing each other. My face was hot, and pressure was building up in my chest. Too much feeling. I just didn’t have the voltage to handle it anymore.
Ethan rolled over, snapped his fingers, and a rosy light turned on next to the bed.
“I prefer the dark,” I said.
“But you’re so beautiful,” he said.
“You’re throwing your weight around,” I told him.
He looked over at me. “Sorry,” he said, clicking the light off.
I immediately regretted that I could no longer see his gorgeous face. “I’m sorry I’m such a basket case,” I said. “I know I’m not easy to deal with.”
“No, not easy, definitely. But oh God, so worth it.”
That made tears spring into my eyes, and I was desperately grateful that he had turned off the light. “Thanks.” My voice sounded soggy.
Ethan reached out, and brushed away my tears with his finger, as if he could see in the dark. “I’m not easy, either,” he admitted.
I laughed, under my breath. “Well, duh! Hot billionaires aren’t expected to be easy. They’re expected to be arrogant and spoiled and self-involved. And eccentric.”
“And am I?”
“Arrogant, yes,” I said.
“My sister gives me no end of shit about how controlling I am,” he said.
“Yes, controlling, too,” she said. “But people expect it of you, I bet. They don’t expect it from blondes, whose job it is to be sweet and nice and accommodating. But somehow, I never got that memo. So I end up, well. Surprising people.”
“You were exactly the person to be with me in that elevator, or I’d be dead.”
“You might have taken them,” I said.
I sensed his shrug in the darkness. “Maybe, but they would have gotten in a whole lot more licks. It’s unlikely I would have gotten through that without you.”
I felt absurdly pleased. “Well. Then I’m glad I was there. I guess that’s why you’re putting up with how weirdly defensive I am. My encounters usually don’t last long enough for conversations like these. I make sure of that.”
“I get it,” he said. “You’re that way because you have to be. It can’t be undone by flipping a switch.”
I went tense. “You don’t know the first thing about me,” I told him.
“Not the details,” he said. “But the size of the scar, that can be measured.”
“Don’t lay any pop psychology bullshit on me,” I warned him. “It bugs me.”
He reached out, but I jerked away. “I’m not,” he assured me. “And it’s not pop psychology. It’s just personal experience. Of a kind I wish I didn’t have.”
I gazed into the shadow that hid his eyes, suspicious. “What experience?”
“Long story,” he said.
“You started it,” I reminded him. “Let’s hear it.”
Ethan rolled onto his back again, stretching his arms behind his head. “It’s actually more a story of what happened to Frey, my sister,” he said.
“Yeah? What happened?”
He let out a sigh I could barely hear. “Okay, some background. My parents died in a car crash when I was sixteen. Drunk driver T-boned them on a country road at night.”
“I am so sorry to hear that,” I told him. “I know how that feels.”
“Yeah, I know you do. Shane, my brother, was fourteen, and Frey was only seven. They sent us to stay with my mom’s older sister, Jean, and her husband, Orren.
They were super-religious, but of the toxic, doomsday variety.
And they hated us. They were also afraid of Shane and me.
We were already big, and Orren knew he couldn’t physically control us.
He was friends with one of the sheriff’s deputies who went to his church.
He got us accused of assault, and locked up in the juvenile detention center. ”
“Oh shit,” I said. “Leaving your little sister all alone with them.”
“Right.” The silence that followed his words was awful for all the sinister possibilities it contained.
“So, uh…how bad was it?” I asked, cautiously.
“I’ll probably never know,” Ethan said. “I know they beat her. They locked her up in the basement. In the dark, for weeks at a time, with no clothes. Just a bucket. She was skin and bones when we finally got her out.”
“Oh, my God,” I whispered.
“I don’t know what else he did to her,” Ethan said. “Maybe even my sister doesn’t even know. But she wasn’t right for years. She still sleeps with the light on.”
“You said she’s married now, right?”
“Yeah. To a guy I served with in the Ranger Regiment. Jed. She seems happy.”
“Good,” I said fiercely. “Then they didn’t take that from her.”
“Yeah. At least that. Shane and I finally broke out, and came to save her, but it took us months to pull it off. She was in that hellhole for fucking months.” His voice was harsh with suppressed violence.
“What about the uncle and aunt?” I asked. “Did you do any payback?”
Ethan didn’t answer for a long time. “We wanted to. So bad. We were burning for it. But Shane and I sat down one night and thought it through. If we punished them, our status as outlaws would upgrade. They would have come after us harder, and tried us as adults if they caught us. And Freya would have gotten tossed into the foster care system alone. We decided not to risk it. Being there for Frey was more important than revenge.”
“Good choice,” I said. “I approve of that choice. Where are they now?”
“You mean, my uncle and aunt? What makes you think I monitor then?”
“Of course you monitor them,” I scoffed. “Duh. What’s up with them now?”
He made an irritated sound. “They’re both still alive,” he admitted. “He has Parkinson’s. She has arthritis. They still go to church every Sunday. Fuck them both.”
“Hmmph. You did the right thing by putting your little sister first.”
He hesitated. “Thanks. How about you? Have you gotten revenge, for your thing?”
I shrank back, zinging with fresh tension. “We are not having this conversation. I told you. We don’t talk about my private business.”
“I told you mine,” he said. “It’s only fair.”
“That was your free choice. Don’t give me that ‘it’s only fair’ crap, Masters.”
He sighed. “You always call me that when you’re pissed at me. And you’re always pissed at me.”
“Yes, I am! You keep on reaching in for more, and more, and more!”
“You fascinate me,” he said. “I can’t help it. I’m so curious.”
“Bully for you,” I told him. “Be as curious as you want. I’m not telling you about my shit. I don’t do that. Ever. With anyone. End of story.”
“Okay,” he said meekly.
I was suspicious at his sudden agreement. Then he rolled over, covering my mouth with his, in an ardent, ravenous kiss.