55
The transporter in the tower blows the few loose strands of my hair back as we walk in. My legs take me straight past it and towards the window at the back of the room.
Leaning my forearms over the ledge, I take a breath of the fresh air blowing through and inhale the smell of Erador, while gently closing my eyes.
Xander approaches me and brushes his hand across my lower back before leaning on the window ledge next to me.
Shivers form down my spine in response.
He sighs softly. “This has always been my favourite part of the castle.”
Gods, of course it has.
The pit in my stomach is growing larger by the second.
“I can see why, the view is beautiful from up here.” I offer gently.
The sun is starting to set and it’s casting the perfect golden sheen over the homes and grounds below. I tear my eyes away and choose to look up at the horizon and the mountains ahead instead.
Xander looks across and smiles at me. “It’s not just the view.” He says before looking at me and smirking, “although I certainly can’t complain today.”
I roll my eyes, getting entirely distracted and wrapped up in him. “What is it then?”
He sighs and looks out towards the world below.
“It’s the peace that being up here brings me, the world is quiet even though you can see a glimpse of people living below. I used to come up here often to just sit and exist.”
My heart starts pounding, as I remember my own habit of people-watching on my balcony.
“I love that.” I say softly to him.
I feel his gaze burning into me, so I turn to look into his eyes.
They hold the most perfect blue that I can’t seem to let go of.
Xander’s eyes soften and he moves closer to me, moving his hand to hold my waist.
“I love when you look at me like that.” He admits softly.
My breathing quickens and I’m almost certain I could faint right here.
“Like what?” I whisper back to him.
He smiles softly to the side and I watch his every movement, shuddering as he reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He leaves his hand there, gently cupping my face.
“Like you feel the same way I do.” He breathes and sends goosebumps all over my body.
“Maeve.” Xander whispers, so softly it’s like a breeze in the wind around us.
“Ever since I met you, I haven’t been able to think straight.”
I gulp not knowing what to say, not knowing how much of this my heart can take.
“You occupy every spare inch of my mind, every thought– from the moment I sleep, to the moment I wake.” He laughs softly, “even my dreams most nights.”
“And when they took you—” He stops but doesn’t look away. “Gods, I was so worried that I wouldn’t ever see you again. That I wouldn’t hear your laugh, hear you insult me or even see you glare at me again.”
He takes a deep breath and rubs gentle circles over my cheek with his thumb.
“My beautiful assassin.”
“Xander…” I say hesitating and looking away, unable to take the heat of his gaze.
“Gods I love hearing you say my name.” He replies, his voice like a gentle caress against my skin.
My heart melts into oblivion.
“Xander I–”
“Please love, just let me finish. I just have to say it.”
The desperation in his tone is overwhelming and I nod gently, fearing my voice if I force myself to speak again.
Xander grips my face harder, not hard enough to hurt but enough to show the urgency in which he needs to say what’s on his mind.
“I’m in love with you Maeve.”
Xander says it so softly, so gently that my heart doesn’t know what to do. My body feels so light and warmth floods over my cheeks and neck.
I feel my eyes glaze over and the weight in my stomach becomes unbearable.
He loves me?
I knew he wanted to have a conversation about us, about our relationship. But this is something more than I could have ever predicted.
“I love you.”
He repeats, softer this time and yet I hear it louder than anything he has ever said before.
Breathing starts to feel like the hardest task ever and I don’t know where to look.
“Please say something, love.”
The softness and yet the desperation in his voice almost knocks me off my feet. I’m certain if he hadn’t been holding me I would have fallen, or maybe I already have.
I don’t have the words he needs or wants.
So I don’t say anything.
I lean forward ever so slightly, looking down and back up with my eyes. Xander’s gaze follows every single move I make. I see his eyes flare ever so slightly as he takes in what I want. What I’m asking from him but can’t say.
His fingers flex gently by my waist.
Before he brings his lips to mine.