Chapter Eighteen #3
I lean my head back to let him digest that request. I’m sure he’s not used to someone talking to him like that.
I’m sure he’s had everything done for him his whole life with the money he’s grown up with.
There are a lot of yes-people around men like that.
I’m trying to be patient, trying to be understanding.
He’s different from what I initially thought he was; I know that.
But despite our chemistry, despite our attraction, I still don’t know him very well.
And I desperately want to. I need to know that the man I’m falling for is worth the time and effort and won’t leave me heartbroken.
“I told you about the day we met...at Squeeze the Day,” he whispers, pulling me back against his chest, his forearm strapped around my chest.
“Yes.”
“And I told you about the man I was running from—the man my father had asked me to sleep with. Him and his wife, I mean.”
“I remember.”
He nods, shifting uncomfortably behind me, before moving his hand up to rub his face.
“Fuck, I don’t know if I can tell you this. I don’t want to scare you away.”
I turn to him, the water sloshing over the side of the tub as I reach out to cup his face.
“I can’t promise you I won’t be scared or unsure.
But I really like you, and I want to know you better so that I can understand you and we can stop having these misunderstandings about who we both are.
If you don’t want to tell me right now, that’s okay.
But I’m going to keep asking questions because I want to know the real you, Austin. All of you.”
I snuggle into him, kissing his neck before settling my cheek on his damp chest. He begins running his fingers through my hair; my eyelids close almost instantly.
He takes a deep breath. “I had been doing a job for my father and had taken the week off before I bumped into that guy. I’d been contemplating my next steps, and I’d even spoken to someone—a therapist. I knew I didn’t want to have this life anymore, but I didn’t know what to do about it.”
“What changed to make you speak to a therapist?”
“My father had given me a job. I had to go and get some cash from one of our dealers. The guy only sells weed, but he had been skimming off the top. Despite weed being legal, we have the variety and the distribution the legal guys don’t.
It’s technically legal to be selling, but you need a license—something our guys don’t have.
But we have the best product so our sales are still through the roof.
At least they were two years ago. I have no idea what they’re like now. ”
He continues to stroke my hair, and I drop kisses of encouragement on his chest.
“So I went round his house, and I told him to give me the missing money, and we’d be square.
He told me he didn’t have it. And I...
I did my job. I beat the fucking shit out of him.
He was crying, begging for me to stop, and I just kept pounding and pounding, screaming at him to give me the money. ”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to correlate the story to the man clinging to me like I’m his life raft. Scared that if he lets go, I’ll flee.
“His kids walked into the living room, and they started screaming. The oldest one tried to hit me. Fuck, he was a fucking brave kid. He was whacking me with these crutches, and I realized he’d been skimming the money to pay the hospital bills for his kid who had broken his leg.”
He takes another deep breath, and I pepper his chest with more kisses, willing him to go on. I need to know this. I need to know how bad it is.
“I stumbled out. The kid gave me a good fucking whack, but I left, fucking drove off, went straight to a bar, and got blackout drunk. I’d never been more ashamed.
Never been more afraid of myself. I thought I was going to kill that man.
Right in front of his kids because he skimmed maybe a thousand bucks.
It was nothing to me. I could have just paid for it myself.
But my job was always my excuse. I was just doing my job .
“After a week of getting blackout drunk, I saw this billboard for a therapist. I recognized him from school—I’d been a dick to him back when we were kids, but I knew he was the only one who could understand me, the only one who could help me.
So I went to his office the next day, and he’s been helping me ever since. ”
“You haven’t been working for your father in two years?”
“Nope.”
“So, what have you been doing? What has Danny been doing?”
“It’s different from The Organization. It’s legal.”
If that’s the case, then why are there so many secrets? Why has Danny been so hush-hush about the whole thing?
I frown. “Do you still hurt people?”
“No. Not since that last job.”
I shiver. The water has long run cold, and my fingers have wrinkled.
“I thought there was no redemption. I didn’t even know good people.
I mean, I have Luca. But other than him, everyone around me would either be terrified of me or use me to get to my father.
I didn’t trust anyone, and I still don’t, really.
But I wanted out of that life, and I’ve worked really hard to get to a place where I can actually enjoy life and not be suspicious of everyone I meet. ”
“And then I go ahead and kidnap you,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry, Austin.”
“No, baby. Please don’t say sorry for that. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It got me away from everyone; it got me closer to you. It was exactly where I wanted to be. Please believe me on that, okay?”
I pull myself out of the tub, and he follows me, taking the hand that I hold out for him. I wrap the fluffy white towels around us, drying off before slipping into the bedroom. It’s late, and exhaustion takes over.
“Come here,” I whisper as I pull him into me.
His head nestles into my neck as I cradle him.
I wonder when someone last did this for him.
He’s held me like this a few times, and it’s brought me close to tears.
Being touch-starved will do that to you, and I have a feeling Austin has been touch-starved for a very long time.
“Thank you for telling me,” I whisper, dropping a kiss onto his damp hair.
He clings to me again and falls into a deep, unburdened sleep.