Chapter Twenty-Two
LILY
Knox rested his cheek on my thigh, his dark eyes seeking mine, satisfied. Smug. Exactly the way I felt.
I didn't have to look hard to see the tension hiding beneath his satisfaction. I'd come. Twice. I'd lay there and let Knox have his delicious way with me.
Now it was my turn. Or his turn, depending on how I looked at it. Either way, I wanted to get my hands on him. My hands, my mouth, everything.
At the thought of pushing his shirt off all that warm skin, of finally touching him, I found the energy to sit up, nudging him back so I could put my busy fingers to work.
One button.
Two buttons.
I was glad he hadn't bothered with a tie. I slid the backs of my fingers under starched cotton, the heat of his skin branding mine, smooth as silk stretched over hard muscles.
His heart thumped against my hand. He was so still, so patient. Restrained. That thundering heartbeat gave him away. Knox was no more relaxed than I was.
Finally done with the buttons, I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and stopped to take in all the beauty that was Knox Sinclair. Oh my God, his shoulders. I'd seen them in a T-shirt, but it wasn't the same.
So much muscle. A little dizzy from the sight of him, I planted my mouth on the hollow of his throat where his pulse beat. Salty and sweet, he tasted so good. Smelled so good. Like soap and Knox.
I found myself sliding off the edge of the sofa, coming to my knees in front of him, my shyness nowhere to be found.
His mouth had been between my legs. What was there to be shy about?
I wanted to touch and taste. I wanted to absorb every inch of him, to feel him shudder with pleasure that I gave him. I wanted to take all the joy he brought me and give it back tenfold.
I wanted Knox to have everything. That thought in mind, my hands skimmed over his body to find his belt.
I had it open and his pants unbuttoned with a flick of my fingers. Then he was in my hand, long, and thick, and so hard.
Big. Too big, maybe. After five years, his fingers had been more than enough, and his fingers were nowhere close to the size of his cock.
I wasn't going to worry about it. Knox wouldn't hurt me. Knox would never hurt me.
I wrapped my fingers around his length and squeezed, loving the way he groaned deep in his throat.
Leaning back, I said one word. “Up.”
Knox didn't need further explanation. He rose to sit on the edge of the sofa. I hooked my fingers in his pants and boxer briefs, pulling them down as he moved, kneeling between his legs, that long, thick cock right in front of me.
It had been a long time since I'd been face to face with a man's equipment. I'd never been face to face with anything that looked like this. I should have been sated after two orgasms, but my pussy clenched on empty air at the sight of Knox Sinclair's erect cock.
I still wasn't sure it was going to fit, but I absolutely wanted to find out.
Knox's hands closed over my upper arms, not pulling me closer or pushing me away, just hanging on. His lids heavy, eyes dazed, he said, “Lily, fuck, Lily.”
I knew what he wanted. It was what I wanted. I flicked out my tongue and licked a long stroke, ending with a swirl around the head. Again. Salty and musky. So good.
His head tilted back, eyes closed, he hummed deep in his throat. I licked again, wondering if he would fit into my mouth.
Only one way to find out.
Parting my lips, I slid them over the head of his cock, sucking hard, taking as much of his length as I could.
My oral skills were not impressive. Lack of practice. From the rumble in his chest, the squeeze of his hands on my arms, I didn't think Knox minded.
I closed one hand around him, squeezing and twisting in time to the movements of my mouth, touching as much of him as I could.
I licked and sucked, tasting him, already addicted to the way he moved against me, the hungry sounds in his throat, and his complete restraint.
He held on tight, but he didn't push. He didn't demand.
“Lily, Lily, I'm going to—Lily, I—”
I was pretty sure I knew what he was trying to say. I wanted it. I wanted Knox Sinclair to come in my mouth. I wanted him to be mine just as much as I was his.
So many thoughts swirling in my head, so much want and need. So many things I'd never expected to feel.
My head was so crowded, it's no surprise I missed it at first.
A cry. A whimper.
Not from Knox. Not from me.
The second time there was no missing anything.
A tortured shriek cut the heavy air, coming from behind Adam's door.
My blood ran cold, lust wiped away in an instant.
Gently but firmly pushing me away, Knox bolted to his feet, yanking up his pants and boxer briefs as I rocked back on my heels, wrestling the straps of my dress over my shoulders.
Knox beat me to Adam's room, throwing the door wide, light spilling inside to illuminate the bed.
Adam was alone. No man with a gun. No threat. Just my baby boy twisting in his sheets, tears wet on his cheeks, eyes open but unseeing, small arm reaching out, fingers grasping and closing on empty air.
Words fell from his lips, garbled and tangled. I sat on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in mine. “Adam, Adam, baby, it's Mom. I'm right here. It's Mom.”
“Mom, Mom, Mom—,” he cried in despair, his fingers gripping mine, eyes not seeing me.
Oh, fuck. I hated this.
Night terrors. He'd had them a few times after Trey died. His doctor had told me it wasn't uncommon in children his age and could sometimes be precipitated by stress. What was more stressful than losing a parent?
It had only happened a handful of times, and never since then. I should have guessed that the attack might have sparked them once more.
I pulled him from beneath the covers and gathered him into my lap, wrapping my arms around him, whispering in his ear, “I'm right here, baby. I'm right here.”
The bed sank beside me as Knox sat, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, pulling us closer. He studied Adam's face with concern.
“Is he awake? His eyes are open, but—”
“Not really. It's a night terror, like a nightmare, but he can't wake up. It happened a few times after Trey died. Scared the heck out of me.”
Almost inaudible, Adam continued to whimper, “Mom, Mom, Mom.”
“He doesn't see you?”
“I don't think so. The first time it happened it broke my heart. He was calling for me, and I was right there, but he didn't see me. Couldn't hear me.”
“What do we do?” Knox reached out to brush Adam's sweat-damp hair off his forehead, cupping my son's cheek in his big hand, worry spread across his features.
“This,” I said, rocking Adam against me. “Just this. Hold him and reassure him until it passes.”
“Is this from yesterday?”
“Probably.”
Knox let out a heavy sigh. “Lily, I'm sorry. I should've known. I should've stopped it from happening.”
“Knox, don't. Don't do that. You told me we can't go back.
We could hash out what if's forever and it wouldn't do us any good.
If I'd known Trey was involved with the mob– If you'd realized they'd come after us– Even if you had, who would have expected six of them to attack in the middle of the night?”
“I should have kept you safe,” Knox said.
“Stubborn,” I said. “Knox, this is one thing I've learned since having Adam. I can't keep him safe from everything. I can try. I do my best. That's all you can do. Try your hardest and hope it's enough. Last night, it was enough. We're here. We're safe.”
“Adam—”
“—will be okay. I promise, Knox. He'll be okay.” I thought wistfully of where we'd been a few minutes before, half-naked on the sofa, Knox filling my mouth. “I'm sorry about—”
I couldn't bring myself to say what I was thinking. I'm sorry we were interrupted. I really wanted you to come in my mouth.
I'm an adult. Talking about sex shouldn't be that big a deal. In the heat of the moment, it wasn't. Now, with my terrified five-year-old cradled in my arms, I couldn't bring myself to say the words.
I didn't need to. Knox's arm tightened around me before his lips pressed gently into my hair. “Lily, don't ever apologize for taking care of your son. Ever. I can wait. Adam can't.”
His arm dropped, and he stood, ordering, “Stay right here.”
Like I was going anywhere. Knox strode from the room, returning a few minutes later missing his pants, his button-down traded for a well-worn T-shirt.
I didn't look. I swear I didn't look. Okay, just a peek.
Sadly, his erection had subsided. Not really sad, considering we wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but as impressive as his erection had been, I couldn't help but miss it.
I owed him one. Two if I wanted to get technical.
Knox sat beside me again and reached for Adam. “Let me take him for a minute. You can change into something else. I think we all need some sleep.”
Not sure what would happen, I leaned forward, passing Adam into Knox's strong arms. Adam continued to mumble my name under his breath but turned into Knox's heat, pressing his cheek to Knox's chest.
I imagined the thump of Knox's strong heart under his ear, the rhythmic sound reassuring on an instinctive level. Adam's tightly wound muscles relaxed a fraction. Knox dropped his head, his chin resting on the top of Adam's head, crooning softly, “Shhh, Adam. Everything's okay. Everything's okay.”
Tears hit my eyes at the sweetness. Adam had a father for the first four years of his life, but he'd never had this. Never had a man read him a story. Never had a man offer him a shoulder ride. Never had a man hold him in his arms and promise him he'd be okay.
I tore my eyes from Knox holding my son and went through my bag in search of the nightgown I'd packed.
A stretchy version of the sundress I'd worn to dinner, it had narrow straps, a V-neck, and swirled around my knees.
Patterned with white clouds wearing sleeping caps, it was cute and a little silly.
I took the nightgown into the bathroom, getting ready for bed quickly in case Adam needed me. Knox didn't seem to mind cute or silly, his eyes flaring when I walked out of the bathroom.
He stood, carrying Adam. “Is there anything you need from in here?” I shook my head, confused, following Knox as he crossed the suite to the other bedroom, explaining, “My bed is bigger. We'll sleep in there.”
My heart melted. Not only did Knox understand that I intended to sleep with Adam, he was going to stay with us. He held my baby like he was precious, carrying him to bed and laying him between us, taking the spot closest to the door. Protecting us every way he could.
I slid beneath the covers, looking over Adam's head to Knox, his eyes heavy with exhaustion, his arm thrown over Adam, fingers wrapped around mine.
“Sleep, Lily,” he said, his voice rough.
I did.