Chapter Nineteen
COOPER
Istared at the door of the women’s restroom, still as a statue, my brain turning over on itself. I couldn’t get my bearings.
Was it possible I’d been wrong all this time?
Thinking of my father with Alice had been unrelenting torture. It ate at me for so long, eventually, I’d had to find a way to make peace with it. The only other choice was to avoid Alice, which would have meant firing her.
Firing Alice wasn’t an option for so many reasons. The most important being that I couldn’t live without her. When I’d realized I needed to see Alice every day more than I needed to hang on to the past, I’d forced myself to let it go. Mostly.
I couldn’t let it go completely, couldn’t forget that the woman I wanted had been his first. That she’d let him touch her. She’d had him inside her.
It was wrong to want her, but I did. I couldn’t help myself. I’d been telling myself to get over it for years. Years.
Alice could never be mine.
Even if she left her loser of a husband, she couldn’t be mine because she’d been his first.
One day I’d walked into the office after a job gone bad, feeling like the world was crashing on my head, and Alice had smiled at me. She’d looked up from her computer, handed me the coffee she’d had waiting, and smiled at me.
A smile overflowing with her heart, with care and compassion, with friendship and concern.
A smile that was just for me. All at once, I’d known.
I was never going to get over Alice.
Never.
I'd never stop wanting her.
Because Alice was worth wanting. She was worth waiting for. The past didn’t matter.
I didn't want to be defined by choices I'd made years ago. Why should I hold Alice to the same standard? Whatever she'd done with my father, there hadn't been anyone else since.
She'd been faithful to her jackass of a husband even though he didn't deserve it. That one fling with my father aside, she’d been everything that was loyal and honest.
She was Alice, and I didn't fucking care that she’d slept with my dad once upon a time.
I told myself that, and it was mostly true. It was also a lie.
I'd never forget the day I found out. Alice had been new at the company, and even knowing she was married, I'd been interested.
I wasn't going to make a move. I wouldn't do that, but I liked her. She sparked like a live wire, dangerous and enticing. I couldn't stay away.
Watching me linger at the front desk for yet another bullshit reason, my dad had pulled me aside.
“Don't get any ideas, kid. She looks like she's sweet as pie, and she is—” A lascivious wink that turned my stomach to a lead weight. “Sweet and spicy. A real firecracker. But you don’t want my leftovers, and the husband's jealous. A pain in the ass. She’s not worth the trouble. Find your pussy elsewhere, Son, not in the office.”
With that, he'd strolled off, probably patting himself on the back for a good father-son talk.
My nascent attraction to Alice died in a burst of excruciating humiliation. I'd barely spoken to her for months after that, angry at him, at her, at myself for caring.
She was married. It's not like I could have her anyway. I put it aside, and slowly, over the years, something else grew in the place of that first spark.
Something bigger. Deeper. Something I couldn’t put aside. Something so big it pushed out everything else, including the thing with my dad.
I'd been living with the story of Alice and my father for so long.
And now—that look on her face.
Sheer horror.
Horror because I knew and she was trying to cover?
No. No, not Alice. If Alice had done it, she would have assumed I knew. Would have brazened it out, told me to mind my own business.
No. That horror was because she'd never slept with my father.
Horror because he’d lied, and I'd believed him. Horror that she was sleeping with a man who believed she was the kind of woman who’d fuck around on her husband. Who’d sleep with her married boss.
I rubbed my chest with the heel of my palm, trying to soothe the hollow ache that grew worse every time I remembered the look in Alice's eyes.
After a few minutes, a new worry joined the others.
She’d been in the restroom for too long. What was she doing in there? From the stream of women in and out I knew she didn't have any privacy.
Alice wasn't shy, but she wasn't going to share personal business in a room full of the biggest gossips in town. So why hadn’t she come back?
Uneasy, I shifted my weight back on my heels and shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to pretend everything was fine.
No problem here.
Okay, we’d had a misunderstanding. It wasn't a big deal. I'd explain and apologize. It was a long time ago. I already told her it didn't matter. I didn't care. If I didn't care, why should she?
A flash of familiar red hair caught my eye. Relief blooming in my hollow chest, I grabbed onto it like a lifeline. “Emma,” I called out. She turned, her smile filled with light.
“Cooper. Where have you been? Wasn't that the most beautiful wedding?” She sighed, not waiting for an answer.
Trying to play it cool, I said, “Yeah, it was. Hey, listen, were you headed for the bathroom?”
She cocked her head to the side and gave me a curious look. “I was, why?”
“Could you look around and see if you see Alice in there? She went in a few minutes ago. She wasn't feeling well, and I just want to make sure she's okay.”
Emma gave me a long look, trying to read something in my face I didn't want her to see. I gave her my best blank slate. Her expression told me I wasn’t pulling it off. If I was that obvious, I was in more trouble than I thought. I wasn't sure I cared. I just wanted to talk to Alice.
Emma reached out and squeezed my arm. “I'll check on her, Cooper. Be right back.”
I waited impatiently, rocking from my heels to my toes, shoving my hands in my pockets and pulling them out again.
Where the fuck was Alice?
The minutes stretched into an eternity. The bathroom was crowded. I had to be patient.
Impossible. A lifetime later Emma came out, her brows knitted in concern.
I already knew what she was going to say before she opened her mouth. “She's not there. I checked every stall. Cooper, are you sure you saw her go into that bathroom?”
Fuck.
My thoughts splintered in a thousand directions. Alice was gone. I’d fucked up and hurt her. Hurt her so badly she’d run. Alice, who didn’t run from anything.
Goddammit. I sucked in a breath, trying to force my scattered thoughts in order.
I had to find her. As those words passed through my mind, focus returned in a rush, every disparate thought narrowing into a single goal.
I had to find Alice.
Forgetting Emma, forgetting the wedding and the crowd of guests, I took off, pushing through the crowd, not hearing the gasps of outrage at my heedless flight. The stairs in sight, I put on a burst of speed as a hand closed around my arm, dragging me to a stop.
I turned and swung, not caring who I hit. I just wanted to go. I had to go. I had to find Alice.
Axel’s dark eyes looked at me in implacable concern. Fuck.
“What happened?” he asked, his fingers a steel cuff around my bicep. “Is it Dad? Tsepov?”
I yanked at my arm. There was no give in Axel’s hold. The pounding need to get to Alice fell back. I’d get rid of Axel, then I could find her.
“It’s not Dad. Alice took off. I have to find her.”
“Shit. Is she okay? You’re sure it’s not Tsepov?”
“It’s not,” I insisted, pulling on my arm again. “Let me go.”
Axel tightened his grip, pulling me into the dark corner of the stairwell, out of sight of the rest of the wedding guests. “If it’s not Tsepov why did she take off? What did you do?”
“Why do you assume I did anything?”
“Because I know Alice, and I know you.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” I shot out. He was my brother. What happened to benefit of the doubt?
“I saw Mom talking to Alice right before you two left the ballroom.”
Under my breath, I muttered, “I'm going to kill our mother.”
Axel rolled his eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. “You’re going to have to get in line for that. Right now, Evers and Summer have dibs.”
“Yeah? Well, I just went to the front of the fucking line.”
“Tell me what happened with Alice,” Axel ground out, his eyes black with temper. “What did Mom say to her?”
“She threw the thing with Dad in her face. I got her away from Mom, told her it was ancient history. She went into the bathroom and now she’s gone.”
As summaries go, it wasn't great, but it covered the basics. Axel said nothing, his eyes flat, his face a wall. His voice was dangerously quiet when he said, “What thing with our father, Cooper?”
“You don't know?” The ground tilted under my feet as I took in his expression, felt the weight in his words. Slowly, I said, “The thing with Dad. That she was sleeping with him when he hired her, and it ended a few months later?”
I heard a gasp from behind Axel. Emma. Shit. Alice wouldn’t want her to know.
Axel shook his head, staring at me as if I were the worst kind of idiot. “Alice never slept with Dad, Cooper.”