Chapter Thirty-Two
COOPER
Iditched the office shortly after Maxwell was secured in the apartment with our mother. There was nothing at work that couldn’t wait, and I needed to see Alice. I wasn’t ready to talk about the confrontation with my father. I just needed her. Her arms around me. Her smile.
I found her in the guest room we’d given to Petra, standing in front of the dresser, quietly folding and putting away a pile of brightly-colored clothes.
Eyes solemn, she turned a pink dress in her hands, studying the embroidery on the front before the sound of my entry registered and she looked up.
The smile that spread across her face when she saw me went a long way to lightening the cloud around my heart. Still holding the dress, she crossed the room and hugged me, her warmth sinking in, driving away the chill of the last few hours.
“Where's Petra?” I asked, keeping my voice down.
“Napping in our bed. We bought some books at the store. I read to her then she just dropped off. It's been a long day.”
Alice snuggled her forehead against my chest and let out a long sigh. “She's so scared, Cooper. I walked away for a second at the store and she lost it, even though Lily and Griffen were standing right there with Adam. She screamed and screamed until I picked her up.”
Her arms tightened around me as she let out a gust of a sigh. “He hasn’t even asked about her, has he?”
“No.” He hadn’t. Asked us to keep her so he could take off, but he hadn’t asked how she was. If she’d slept well. Eaten breakfast. If she missed him. Needed him. “He wants to leave her here.”
“Here in Atlanta? Or here with us?”
“I don’t think he cares.”
“He’s such an asshole,” Alice said into my shirt.
“You’ve got that right,” I agreed.
I should have asked Alice what she wanted.
Could she see herself being a parent to Petra? Fitting her into our lives? Or was she just making the best of the situation?
I should have asked, but I didn’t. Later. We could get into it later. Instead, I asked the other thing that had been preying on my mind while she'd been out with Griffen and I'd been stuck in the office dealing with Maxwell.
“I know you’ve had Petra all day, but did you get a chance to move any of your things up here?”
Her eyes shuttered so completely I could feel her withdraw even though she didn't move away. One shoulder hitched up in a shrug, her eyes dropping to the dress still in her hand. “I’ll do it later. I haven't had time.”
“I’m here with Petra if you want to go down and get some things together.”
“It's fine. I'll get to it later.”
Later.
It didn’t sound so bad when I’d said it to myself. From Alice, it felt like what it was. Avoidance. Distance. I hated it.
She pulled away and looked back at the pile of bags on the bed. “I want to get the rest of this put away while she’s sleeping. You might pass out when you see your credit card bill.”
“I don't care how much you spent, Alice. Did you get everything she needs?”
Alice gestured to the mountain of bags on the bed and laughed. “For now.”
It looked like she’d bought half the store. As if seeing the room through my eyes, she added apologetically, “This isn’t all of it. There are two car seats in the kitchen. One for your car and one for mine. And a high chair.”
Two car seats. That had to be a good sign. If Alice didn't want Petra in her life, why get her an extra car seat? I wanted to ask, and I was afraid to push.
So much was at stake, my entire future suddenly balanced on a razor’s edge. One wrong move might send it all crashing down.
I didn't like that Alice wasn't moved in. I wanted to see her dresses hanging in my closet, her shoes left haphazardly by the door, her makeup strewn across the bathroom counter. I wanted her here, not just spending the night.
Was she avoiding the issue because she was focused on Petra, or was she using Petra to put me off?
I didn't know and couldn't tell.
It shouldn't have mattered. Twenty-four hours before, I wouldn’t have blinked at her procrastination. We were busy. Moving is a pain in the ass.
Petra’s arrival had turned everything inside out.
I wanted too much, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid to ask for it. Afraid the answer would be something I didn’t want to hear.
I wanted Alice. I’d wanted Alice for so long, the need for her felt like a part of me.
For one shining moment I’d had what I wanted, and now I needed more.
Petra.
I’d always imagined having kids. I’d never dreamed I had a little sister, much less that she’d be dumped in my lap. I barely knew the kid, so how had she sunk her hooks so deeply into my heart? Why did I look into her eyes and feel like she was mine?
Was it just biology? We look alike. Maybe my instinct to protect her was only because she was so familiar, with her Sinclair blue eyes and dark hair so much like my own. Maybe she’d only connected with me because I resemble our father so much.
Did it matter? That little girl was my family. My sister. Life had dealt her a shitty hand, mostly due to our asshole of a father. I had the power to make it better. I couldn’t live with making it worse.
The idea of stepping up made a pretty picture, but that was a far cry from the reality of becoming a parent overnight. I work too much. I wanted time alone with Alice now that I finally had her.
A toddler was a bomb dropped in the middle of my life. A great big inconvenience. Was I really going to turn my life upside down for Petra? How could I expect Alice to do the same?
I hated the idea that Petra might scare Alice away, hated it with everything I had.
I wasn't willing to give either of them up.
I might not have a choice.
Would I still want Petra if she ended up being the wedge that drove Alice and me apart? Could I love my little sister the way she deserved if she cost me Alice?
I wasn’t Petra’s only brother. Knox and Lily already had Adam. What was one more kid? And there was Evers or Axel. I wasn’t the only option.
I pictured Petra’s eyes, so like my own, the way she’d reached for me that morning with such pure, innocent trust. The way she’d done the same with Alice when she’d panicked at the store.
I didn’t want to push Petra off on one of my brothers.
I wanted my father, Tsepov, and Agent Holley out of our lives. I wanted Petra settled and happy. I wanted Alice with me. In my arms. In my bed. In my life.
What were the odds I could have all of that, exactly the way I wanted it?
Just ask Alice what she wants, my conscience urged. Or maybe it wasn’t my conscience, maybe it was my balls. Throw me in a dangerous situation at work and I’m all confidence. Not so much when I’m faced with losing the woman I love.
I kept my questions to myself and helped Alice put away Petra's things. I hauled empty shopping bags stuffed with packaging material to the front door over and over until the guest room was slowly transformed into a little girl's bedroom.
Standing side-by-side, we looked at the queen-sized bed, now bracketed by safety railings on either side. “Does she need a kid’s bed?” I asked. “Something smaller?”
“This is probably okay for now.”
For now.
What did that mean? For now, as in we’ll get her a new bed later? Or for now, as in she isn't staying so why worry about it?
Everything Alice had purchased could be packed up and moved. A bed was permanent.
I was making myself crazy. I opened my mouth to ask Alice what she was thinking. “Alice—”
“Hmm?” she asked, rearranging the books on the nightstand.
I lost my nerve. “I invited everyone over for dinner tonight. Evers and Summer are going to bring takeout.”
Alice checked her watch. “Good idea. We should have time to put that high chair together before Petra wakes up.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a plan,” I said, as full of shit as I’d ever been.
I’d faced down my father, forced him to give in to all of my demands, and ended up with everything I wanted.
I’d have to find the courage to do the same with Alice before it was too late.