CHAPTER 3
A couple of days later, Isha sat on a chaise in the living room, her knees drawn into her chest as she watched her brother’s kids play with their new caretakers. Two middle aged women, recommended by her brother’s friends to care for the children since both Ashok and she were clueless.
Isha kept her eyes on the toddlers and wondered why she could not even look at them until that day. They both pounced on Ashok every time they saw him but didn’t care for her. They didn’t know her and she was glad she didn’t have to deal with the kids.
Her phone rang next to her pulling her out of her thoughts. It was Aman.
“Hi Aman, Good morning” she said, a small smile forming on her lips.
“Isha, how is everything back home?” His tone was soft.
“Home? This is not home, Aman. I feel like a fish out of water and I…” she paused to step away from the kids and added, “I still can’t believe I will not see my brother again and these kids, I don’t know what to do with them.”
Aman let out a sigh. “I’m sorry for everything and I am pissed I’m not there with you.”
“No. It’s okay. I’ll be back soon.”
“How are the kids doing?”
She shrugged. “They seem to be okay. I don’t know if they know.” A sob escaped her and she added, “You know I’m not good with kids and I feel helpless.”
“Do you not have the caretakers?” he asked.
She turned to look in the direction of the kids playing and added, “They do but I feel like I can’t breathe when I look at them. They both remind me of my brother and it’s—”
“Why don’t you come back? Looks like Ashok has this under control.”
She nodded. “He went back to work for the first time today in all these days. I think I will give it a few more days, make sure he is okay and I will head back.”
“That sounds good. Why don’t you have your office send you some contracts to work on? It might take your mind off of everything that is going on.”
“True. I should do that. Thank you!” She always appreciated Aman’s pragmatic thinking.
“Anytime. I got to go for my morning run. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Have a good day.” She ended the call and stepped on to the balcony.
She looked out into the street, houses after house built in the community her brother had chosen to purchase their home.
A community that was well set up with the amenities for children.
Her niece and nephew would have a good environment to grow up with everything they need, just not their parents.
Tears gathered in her eyes and she lowered them, letting the moisture roll down her cheeks. The sadness was never ending and the only way to stop the tears is to go far away from the situation as soon as possible. She looked up when she heard the roar of a car engine.
A sports car came into view and it stopped just outside her brother’s house. She stood staring at the vehicle and Ashok stepped out of the driver’s seat and looked up right at her. She could not read his eyes behind the sunglasses before he leaned back to grab something from the car.
As if curious about what he reached for, she kept her eyes on him. When she saw he pulled out a big bag of diapers, her heart dropped to her stomach. She looked away unable to process the reality that Ashok was able to accept but there was no way she could.
Not anytime soon.
She took a deep breath bracing herself for the conversation she was about to have with Ashok.
There was no getting used to the fact that her brother was no more.
The void her parents left deepened further with her brother’s passing away.
Nothing or no one can ever fill the darkness that loomed inside her.
Isha’s chest started heaving when it hit her that there was no one for her to ever call and speak her mind, share everything.
Even though they were thousands of miles apart, busy schedules, Isha and her brother were always in contact on a daily basis, just like they had from the day she moved to California with her aunt.
She was very close to her aunt’s daughter, Chandini and loved her to pieces, but in the last couple of weeks, no one else’s affection came close to consoling her for her loss.
She would never recover from this shock and knew she had to go on with her life.
Immerse herself in work to get through the day and try hard not to think of her brother not being around.
“Monisha,” Ashok’s somewhat elevated voice from inside the house pulled her out of her thoughts.
Isha picked up a tension in his voice and hurried indoors. “Coming.”
Even the smallest of changes around her were magnified in her brain. She held her breath like that was the only way to deal with everything. It was as if there was impending bad news every moment. With her heart thumping in her chest, she headed down the stairs.
As she got closer to the family room where she had last seen the kids and stopped short when she caught sounds of laughter. Once the sound of joy cut through her, she then heard the music playing.
She looked from Ashok’s happy face, following his line of sight to the dancing baby who seemed to be moving to the beats.
“Monisha, look. This dude is a smooth dancer.” Ashok clapped, encouraging the baby boy.
Tears gathered again like there was an endless supply.
She reached for the support of the nearby couch as her legs shook.
Her brother was a good dancer, a graceful one who was always the first to go onto the dance floor.
Another pang of pain sliced through her, and she found it hard to breathe when she realized she would not be able to dance with her brother ever again.
She suppressed a sob as she stepped away from the joyful space. She was out of sight as she pressed her back to the wall, letting out the tears she had been holding up. “I can’t do this anymore,” she told herself.
Not for another minute. She had to get back to her life.