CHAPTER 9
The next morning, Isha woke up to loud wails. The twins seemed to be upset about something but she knew there was nothing she could do to help.
The clock on the wall told her she had slept well into the morning. She pushed away the sheets, vaguely remembering the horrifying nightmare from the night before. She needed to shake off the darkness and the only way to do that was to shower.
Shortly after, she stepped out of the shower and the wailing had only intensified. “What is going on?”
Her plan was to do some research on her father’s lawyer and see if she could contact him. Maybe even dust off the old case files and see what could be done. But there was no way she could with all the noise pollution.
Isha went downstairs and it was utter chaos. The kids’ nannies looked clueless as both kids clung to Ashok, refusing to be even touched by the two helpers. She stood in the dining room watching the scene before her.
The twins didn’t want to be touched by the helpers nor did they want to eat anything and they clung to their uncle like their life depended on him. It did but she didn’t know what had gotten into them.
What was she supposed to do?
“What’s wrong?” she asked one of the nannies who was taking a bunch of toys toward the living room.
The frazzled nanny shook her head. “We don’t know. The kids were restless all night and this morning they are not leaving Ashok sir.”
Something hit her deep inside.
Could the kids be having nightmares like she did? They were too young for it.
She surprised herself when she started moving towards the chaos. She dreaded the scene where the kids would get even more uncontrollable if she got closer. Especially after that episode a few weeks ago after she reprimanded them for their bad behavior.
As a fourteen-year-old, losing parents was devastating. But she didn’t know what these infants were going through. Ashok’s words replayed in her mind. She was all they had of their father and she had to be there for them even if she didn’t like it.
“Hey,” she said, as she sat next to Ashok as he held the wailing kids.
It surprised her how much she sounded like her mother. A tone she had taken when she was trying to calm little Isha.
The kids initially did not pay attention to her but kept crying.
She could feel Ashok’s unsure gaze on her as she reached for one of the kids.
She had not held them ever, apart from the time she carried one kid to the bathroom and she didn’t know what she was going to do but she went with her instincts.
“Hey,” she said a bit louder. This time she saw how both kids turned to look in her direction.
Her stomach twisted when she saw their faces. She felt an acute pull in her chest in response to the dried-up tears on the babies’ cheeks. Swallowing the lump that started to form in her throat, she reached to take one of the kids from Ashok only to upset the child even more.
She knew it! She made it worse.
Isha, yet again surprised herself by persistently trying to calm the kids. She reached for the other child whose sobs had somewhat subsided and to her utter surprise, the kid stretched out their arms and swooped right into her chest.
Something clicked in her when the ball of warmth hit her chest. She had never experienced anything like it before and it made tears well up. She wrapped her arms around the child and looked up at Ashok, who looked at her equally shocked at the sight of her holding the kid.
“It’s okay,” she heard herself say, yet again sounding like her mother.
She gently ran her hand over the baby’s head as the child clung to her. The other child continued to wail in Ashok’s arms.
“Hey, look at your brother. He is with Isha. Do you want her to hold you too?” Ashok asked and the wails only got louder.
Minutes passed as they both held the kids, letting them be. At some point her eyes locked with Ashok and she sent him a silent apology. For not wanting to be around the kids and for intending to leave him alone to manage it all.
He broke their gaze and looked at one of the helpers and signaled them to bring the kids sipping cups. One of the nannies walked tentatively toward Ashok and handed him the sipping cup. Like he knew the child in his arms still needed space, he passed the cup to Isha.
She took the cup from him and looked at it, unsure how to proceed when the kid in her arms seemed to be hiding their face in her chest.
Ashok gestured to get the kid to drink some water. Still unsure how to navigate, she held the cup in one hand and with the other, tried to turn the kids face toward her.
“Just one sip.” Her voice was barely a whisper and the kid did not respond.
A few different tries later, Isha pulled the clingy baby away from her, only to make them wail but was quick to offer the water. She could hear music in her ears when the child reached for the cup and took a few sips of water before pushing it away.
How could that sight make her feel so good?
She got a nod of approval from Ashok. A moment later, the kid pushed away the cup and went back to clinging to her chest. As if everything her mom did was coming back to her, she held the child with her arm and rocked back and forth on the couch.
As one child seemed to settle down, the twin in Ashok’s arms seemed to have stopped wailing. The silence was somehow eerie and it was then she realized how much the kids’ noise had become ambient for her in the past few weeks.
Moments passed and she felt the child in her arms become relaxed and that made her tighten the hold around the baby.
She looked up when Ashok stood up holding the child in his arms close.
He took a few steps away from the couch.
The baby girl was tired from wailing and was resting her head on his shoulder.
When the kid looked at Isha, it made her heart sink.
It was the look in her brother’s eyes when her parents passed.
No tears but solemnness and Isha recognized that.
“Ashok,” she called out as he walked away. He stopped in response.
She slowly stood up holding the now sleepy baby in her arms and walked over to where he stood. She held the child to her chest with one arm and ran her hand over the little girl’s back.
Like that was all it took the infant in Ashok’s arms, turned to face Isha, before wrapping tiny arms around her neck. It was a moment she did not expect and she was thankful for Ashok’s reflexes.
Isha felt his arm wrap around her waist as he steadied her and he held the four of them in a tight circle. She saw the helpers sigh in relief at the sight of both children safe and now calm.
“I got him. You take her. She wants you,” Ashok whispered as he slid the sleeping baby boy off her chest and into his arms.
His words did something to her. She felt joy explode in her heart as the little girl who had refused to come to her earlier tightened her hold around her.
“It’s okay, I’m right here.” Isha heard herself say, as she rubbed the tiny human’s back.
Ashok picked up another sipping cup and offered the child in her arms some water which she gulped without making a fuss.
“Let’s take them upstairs.” Ashok gestured toward the stairs and she followed him.
While horrified she might drop the child down the stairs or worse, roll down with the child, she clung to the baby in her arms.
As if Ashok sensed her apprehension or was as worried as she was about carrying the baby up the stairs, he stopped at the foot of the staircase. Isha was terrified of every step she took but she knew he would hold her if she slipped.
At the top of the stairs, Isha paused to let Ashok walk past her toward the kids’ bedroom. It was at that point the baby in her arms wailed in objection. He paused turning to look and nodded toward one of the other bedrooms.
Isha followed him into one of the rooms she had not been in. It was the main bedroom and it had a large portrait of the four of them. She suppressed a sob as she followed him into the dim room. She watched as he placed the sleeping baby on the large bed and she walked to the bed to do the same.
She gently sat on the bed and Ashok reached for the now calm baby girl in her hands.
It surprised her that her instinct was to resist him from taking the child from him but she let go.
She felt a keen sense of separation when the child was taken but a moment later, the little one let out a soft wail and came crawling back into her arms.
Isha let out a laugh, happy the baby came back and she wound her arms snugly around the ball of warmth.
Ashok smiled. “She likes her aunt.”
Isha felt like she was on the mountaintop. She had barely cared for what the kids felt for her. They were too little to have feelings that she cared about even if they did. But in that moment, it felt like she won the world.
How is that possible?
She looked up as she processed the novel feeling only to find Ashok smiling at her. A few moments later, he gestured to her to put the baby on the mattress.
She nodded although she wasn’t sure how to or rather not wanting to. She didn’t want the baby to be unhappy. So instead of pulling away, she lowered her back to the headboard, holding the baby.
Minutes passed and the room was so cozy, she was about to doze off herself when she felt some movement. She looked in Ashok’s direction and saw he was placing pillows next to the little one sleeping on the other side of the bed.
He walked over to her side and reached for the baby and stopped short like he realized he would be getting into her space to put the baby down on the mattress. She nodded as she sat up slightly, rolling to her side to set the clingy baby who was now asleep on the mattress.
She watched him cover both kids with the blankets and surround them with pillows so they didn’t roll over accidentally.
“Let’s go,” he said, holding the door open for her.
She didn’t ask the question that popped up in her brain about what they would do if they woke up. She went downstairs with him, as if she knew there was something they had to talk about. He led her to his office and gestured to her to take one of the chairs.
He called out to one of the nannies and asked them to keep an eye on the kids and also asked for two coffees. Thank goodness someone had the presence of mind. In all the chaos she had forgotten she had not even had her coffee that morning.
Why were the kids even sleeping at that time?
Ashok made his way back into the office a few minutes later with two mugs of coffee. He placed one in front of her and settled into the chair behind the large desk.
“I need to contact my family again.” There is no other way I can raise these kids.”
Isha had to take some time to process his words.
What did he mean by family?
There was no one else at the cremation other than their brother’s friends. Her brother had told her that Ashok was the only family his wife had. And he wasn’t asking her to be a part of raising the kids?
“Family? I didn’t know—”
“Estranged family.” His tone was curt.
Even more confused, she remained silent for a moment. “Where are they?”
He stood and looked out the window. “My roots are in the coastal region of central India.”
“Why were you and your sister…” she lost her voice for a bit and then she managed to ask, “Do they know about the accident?”
“Yes.”
Her breathing started to come fast. What could have happened for him and his sister to cut ties with his family to the point where they don’t even show up to bid goodbye to someone who passed away tragically.
“I need you to be around until I reconnect with my family.” It wasn’t a request.
Reconnect? What would that take?