Chapter 50
*****
Later that evening, she stood on the balcony off the bedroom, barefoot on the warm tiles, watching the sun melt over the horizon.
The same view that had taken her breath away every evening now felt like a crude awakening of reality.
The island’s beauty seemed to mock her in a strange way, like it was telling her she didn’t belong.
“I belong here because I married him,” it was a whisper but she needed to say it out loud.
But he doesn’t want you here.
It was becoming all the more evident that he didn’t want anything to do with her. But that cannot be just his choice. And for the first time since this whole arrangement began, she wasn’t afraid of where she might land if she were to push herself close to him.
“He said he missed me,” she kept conversing to the ocean.
Who was she kidding? She was lying to herself.
She missed the comfort his mere presence had given. She missed his laugh echoing through the mansion’s corridors as he bathed the twins, missed the way he’d rub her feet every night, missed falling asleep to the sound of his voice instead of just the endless whisper of waves.
She could feel herself falling not just into the moment of annoyance, but into something deeper, more dangerous. Something that she knew may go out of control.
She gripped the balcony railing, frustration building like a storm but not just at him. At herself.
This isn’t who I am, she thought, angry at the longing ache in her chest.
She’d never been the type to pine, to be a clingy lovesick teenager. Never. She’d lived alone for years before him, built her own career, her own life the way she wanted it. So why did she feel so dependent on him? Because she was on his island?
The rational side of her mind insisted her thoughts were ridiculous. The island beauty she’d fallen in love with didn’t seem so magical without him. The fact that she had become such a softy made her feel pathetic and small.
The self-awareness only made the longing worse, created a feedback loop of wanting him and being disgusted with herself for wanting him so desperately.
Before she could stop herself, she walked toward the twins’ room where he was putting them to bed. Her heart hammered but she kept walking.
What the heck are you doing? You could wake up the kids. Don’t.
Before she could stop herself, she was opening the door to the kids’ room, only to find both the cribs to be empty. The nannies were nowhere to be seen but she could hear Ashok’s voice as he read them a book.
A moment later she saw the movement of the curtains by the patio doors. Were they on the balcony?
She still had the option not to demand an explanation from him, for what she had no clue and yet, she stepped into the balcony.
She let out a low gasp when she saw the set up on the balcony.
Mosquito nets draped loosely from the ceiling of the balcony, coils burned next to the lamps that cast a beautiful light as the darkness settled in.
And in the middle of the large, curved balcony was a mattress on which he lay, the kids half asleep as he read to them.
Her heart melted at the sight before her. The beauty of the setting washed away her annoyance and frustration toward him.
Their eyes met and her breath hitched. A silence stretched between them, filled with only the sounds of the ocean.
He stretched one arm on which one of the twins was almost asleep, a slight smile on his face.
The invitation was so warm and in spite of the confusion and frustration she had been feeling, she walked toward him and sat down softly on the mattresses that were laid out on the balcony floor.
The baby boy who was sleeping on the side where she sat saw that Isha had joined and extended his hand. A smile stretched on her face, every last thought melting away as she lay next to the little guy. She felt so loved when the toddler moved closer to her.
She lay on the soft mattress with the cool sea breeze flowing, the lamps flickering a bit, the sounds of the sea with the warmth that made her feel loved. Like she felt when her mother caressed her or when her father hugged her with pride.
She fought back tears as she pulled the sleeping boy close to her, wondering how in the world she was ever going to leave this beautiful island and the people.
She would miss it, miss everyone, especially him. She hated the idea that she had missed him.
She didn’t know when she started to care about him being around. She wanted him!