Chapter 61
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Right after the court ruling, Isha wanted to be back on the island, her new home.
She wanted to be with family and most of all she wanted to see the twins.
When she had called Sasikala and Amuktha to check on the twins she was told that they kept asking for her.
Specifically, her and not Ashok. Their words melted her heart and she could not wait to see them.
She hugged them and planted kisses on their chubby cheeks. “I missed you too. I’m not going anywhere without you guys anymore.” Only she could understand the void they would have forever.
Ashok only watched her silently like he was making sure she wasn’t going to be overwhelmed with everything she was processing. But in years, she felt at peace and it was because of his presence.
Isha could not wait for it to be a decent hour in the morning in America, to call her aunt to share the news about the case and the new revelation.
She had much to share with her aunt. About her decision to stay in India.
She paused at that thought and looked at the sight of Ashok working on his laptop, his legs stretched out onto the coffee table.
It meant she was going to be his wife for real.
Did she have to ask him to be his real wife? What if he declined?
She smiled at her own silliness. She knew he wouldn’t and even if he did, she was going to convince him that she was his, forever.
Diverting her eyes to her phone, she dialed her aunt’s phone. It was a bit early but she knew her aunt would not mind being woken up a bit early to hear the good news.
“Isha, is everything okay,” Chandini asked after answering the call.
Isha looked at the phone to see if she had dialed her cousin by mistake. “Why did you answer mom’s phone?”
Chandini took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to call you in the middle of the case proceedings but Mom is not well and she needs a bypass surgery.”
“What? Why?” Cold sweat broke out across Isha’ forehead as she gripped the phone tighter. Every noise around her faded into a distant hum behind her. “What happened? She was fine last week when I spoke to her.”
Then came the pause. That horrible, weighted silence that always precedes bad news.
“She’s been hiding it from all of us.” Chandini’s voice cracked. “The chest pains, the breathlessness and she kept saying it was just stress from everything that happened. This morning, she collapsed in the kitchen. Dad found her unconscious.”
The phone felt like lead in her hand. The phone call should have been pure celebration, a moment to bask in victory, to hear the pride in her mother’s voice, the congratulations from her cousins.
Guilt crashed over her like a suffocating wave.
How had she not known? She’d been so consumed with the lawsuit and trial preparation that she hadn’t called regularly.
Not as regularly as she should have. Her aunt had probably been sick even then, probably hiding it so she wouldn’t worry, wouldn’t be distracted from the case or leave the twins to be with her.
That’s exactly what her aunt would do. She would sacrifice her own needs for everyone else’s happiness.
The need to drop everything and go to her aunt was immediate.
But then she looked up, and there they were.
Ashok stood in the doorway with that particular expression he gets when he’s trying to figure out what she needs or what was going on in her mind.
The twins, the two beautiful souls who’ve woven themselves into the fabric of her heart over these months.
Who’ve just started really trusting her, really opening up.
Who’ve had enough abandonment in their young lives already and she could not think of being away from them and causing more chaos in their young hearts.
The paralysis sets in. She felt physically torn, like someone was trying to pull her in two directions at once and she was going to split right down the middle.
If she left to be with her aunt, she would leave him to manage everything alone, the kids, the emotional aftermath she would have to deal with scared her. They left the city right after their moment of triumph in court, to be celebrating together with the twins.
She feared leaving the twins, worried about the emotional toll it would have on them from what they would see as an abandonment.
The last time they had nightmares was over two months ago and she knew it was because they felt loved and the void she knew existed for them was covered up well with the love they received from everyone.
She was terrified of making the wrong choice and having to live with it forever.
If her leaving damaged their fragile sense of security, she’ll never forgive herself.
Her aunt had all the support and medical help she needed but the idea of not being with the woman who took her in as her own, ripped her apart.
“Ashok,” she fought back tears as her voice shook. She sank into a chair, the phone still in her hand, and felt the tears roll down as Ashok came to her side.
The victory she was supposed to be celebrating has turned to ash in her mouth.
She wanted someone to tell her what to do, to take this impossible decision out of her hands.
But she’s an independent woman who didn’t need anyone for all her adult life .
But there she was sobbing in Ashok’s arms, not wanting to let go.
And underneath it all, all her past fears came crashing.
The aching sadness that life doesn’t pause for her happiness.
That tragedy wouldn’t give her any breathing room to celebrate her triumphs.
She was just about to embrace her new life, accept what she felt for the man who was her everything and everything was at risk in her mind.
She looked at him, tears streaming down her face, and whispered the words that felt like a confession, “I have to go, but the very thought of leaving is suffocating.”
“You need to go,” his tone was flat and his message clear.
She let out a sob, throwing her arms around him. “I’m scared.” She pulled back to look at him and said, “I feel like I can’t do anything without you by my side. I’ve never felt so protected in all these years and with you, I feel like I can do anything.”
Ashok only pulled her to him, his lips going to her cheek, kissing away the tears. “No more tears.” He pulled back to look at her. “I’ve not felt the pain I’m feeling now to see you like this. Don’t.” It was a soft order and it only made her smile.
Her heart was responding to his words. “I love you,” the words escaped her before she realized what she was saying.
A small smile played on his lips before he pulled her close to kiss her gently, so slowly that she was sure the time had stopped. Every move, every touch spoke volumes. He didn’t need to express himself in words for her to know what he felt for her.
She kissed him back, her hands caressing his face like she wanted to memorize his face for when she will be away. When she looked up at him, she nodded and said, “I will go tomorrow. Will you hold me in your arms tonight?”
He kissed her forehead before pulling her to him. “Anything you want.”