Chapter 10
Harper
Ohmigod. Oh my God. Oh. My. God. He’s kissing me.
James Hamilton is kissing me.
My best friend’s very hot, very sexy, very alpha older brother is kissing me.
I part my lips. He makes a rumble of approval in his chest. Then he slides his tongue over mine and…I. Am. Lost. Sinking. Spinning.
He deepens the kiss, and I feel it all the way through my toes. It’s as if he’s sucking my very spirit out. My heart skips a beat. The very core of my being flutters.
He digs his fingers into the root of my hair. His fingertips graze my scalp and a shudder shakes me to the core. My entire body seems to vibrate with need. I’m aware of my ponytail coming loose. My hair flows around my face.
I’m vaguely aware that I’ve lost my hair tie.
He releases his hold on my hair for a moment.
I begin to straighten wondering what he’s up to, but then he hauls me closer until I’m plastered against that hard, massive chest, and I forget everything but the sensations of being held in his powerful arms.
The heat of his body surrounds me, cocoons me. I’ve never felt this safe. Or this desired. This turned on. The contradiction drives me a little crazy. Lust fires up my blood.
I close my eyes and kiss him back deeply, savoring the softness of his tongue, the hardness of his lips, the bump-bump-bump, frantic beating of his heart which echoes mine.
If there is a heaven it is surely here in his arms?
My chest hurts. My pussy clenches. My toes tingle.
I’m sure I’ll self-combust with this need to crawl inside his skin and fuse my body with his.
And then, I’m free. So quickly, I stumble back. He rights me with a touch on my shoulder. I feel the reverberations echo through my body. Then he releases me. Steps back.
I look up into his stunning face, feeling like I’ve stumbled onto something magical and beautiful and earth-shattering and everything I've ever imagined but didn't think possible.
"Wow," I manage to whisper.
He doesn’t reply. His brows knit. His gorgeous lips tighten. He scrutinizes my face like I’m a puzzle he can’t solve. Whatever he sees there deepens the furrow between his eyebrows. He takes another step back, taking the heat with him.
I’m suddenly cold. Bereft. I shiver.
He slips his coat off and places it around my shoulders. His gesture feels intimate. But his gaze has turned impersonal. Whatever emotions I glimpsed earlier have been replaced by wariness.
"You felt it too, didn’t you?"
He stays silent.
"That kiss wasn’t one-sided. I know it moved you as much as me."
His lips tighten.
"So why are you putting distance between us? Is it because you’re scared about what it made you feel?"
Something shifts behind his eyes. "I am scared," he admits.
"Oh." I blink. I so did not expect him to acknowledge that.
"And you’re right, that kiss felt different. It moved something in me," he explains as his forehead furrows, "but that’s all the more reason for you to expect more of me, and I wouldn’t be able to give you that. It’s why we need to stop whatever this is. Before you get hurt."
"Shouldn’t I get to make that choice?" I tuck my elbows into my sides. This is such a ridiculous conversation. I want to be with him. And he thinks he’s going to stop me from getting hurt by turning me down.
"Of course, you should be the one to decide what’s right for you. But in this case, you should trust me when I say that you don’t want to be with me."
"But what if I do want to be with you?" Argh, I hear my words, and my cheeks heat. I want to tell him that I’d choose to be with him, even if it’s only for a few hours.
That I’d walk away after. But I already know that’s a lie.
Once I’ve been with James, I won't want anyone else. He’ll spoil me for any other man.
But oh, how amazing it would feel to be with him.
Some of my feelings must show on my face, for the blue of his eyes deepens.
A nerve throbs at his temple. The chemistry between us spikes.
"Damn, woman, you’re making this difficult." He swallows. "I promise you that I’m not the kind of man you want to be with. I’m not good for you, Harper."
Hearing my name from his mouth sends a shiver down my spine. My nipples tighten. My scalp tingles. I sway toward him. He cups my cheek and lowers his head. I close my eyes, tip up my chin, and feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek, on my lips.
Then just like that, it’s gone. And so is his touch.
I snap my eyes open, to find him looking at me with a tortured expression in his eyes.
"I can’t, Harper. I can’t let you spoil your life.
You’re so young. You have much to accomplish.
You don’t need someone as jaded and cynical as me.
Someone with ghosts from the past which haunt me and hold me back.
Someone who’s seen things no man should and still be alive.
Someone who’d taint your innocence. Someone who’d drag you down into the darkness with him. I’m not the man for you."
"But what if you were?" I swallow. "What if you were the man I was waiting for."
His lips twist. A sadness filters into his eyes. "I’m not."
"How can you be so confident?"
"Because you haven’t seen enough of the world yet to know what you want."
I nod slowly. "What you’re saying is true. But if that kiss was any indication, I know it’s going to be amazing with you."
“I’d be your first. I admit, that makes me want to throw you over my shoulder and carry you off to my bed and ravish you.”
His words conjure up images that make my stomach swoop and my toes tingle.
He hardens his jaw. “But I’m not selfish enough to do that."
I narrow my gaze. "What do you mean?"
"You’d catch feelings. And I wouldn’t be able to give you what you wanted."
My jaw drops. The audacity of this man. He really has such a big ego; to think I’d definitely want something more than a one-night stand. I have a sinking feeling though that he’s right. I bring my churning emotions under control and tip up my chin. “You mean, I’d want more than sex?"
He nods. "And I can’t give you anything else. I’d break your heart. And my sister would hate me for it."
I grit my teeth.
There’s a lot of truth to what he’s saying.
But that doesn’t make it easier for me to accept it.
I open my mouth to protest, but he holds up his hand.
"Please. I’ve made up my mind. This… Whatever it is, is over.
I shouldn’t have agreed to spend the last few hours with you. It’s time I take you home."