Chapter 29 Growing Pains
GROWING PAINS
Gulls cry overhead and waves crash against the rocks. I open my eyes, looking out at the vast sea that stretches before us. This should be the perfect place to quiet my mind, as I usually am calmer near the sea.
But the whitecaps on the water mimic the turbulence swirling within me.
My thoughts continue to ebb and swell over the events of yesterday as I sit cross-legged under a cedar tree with Mina.
Agatha’s words are still fighting to give me a small amount of peace over the frustrations I felt after going through a few of the books Marcus brought.
Without magic, they’re useless, but there’s still more I need to go through.
“Breathe in through your nose,” Mina whispers as I hold my breath while my thoughts continue spiraling.
I work to inhale deeply through my nose, but I shift uncomfortably.
“Lena, are you okay?” Mina asks, her eyes still closed, but her lips are kicked up into a smile.
“I can’t seem to quiet my mind today.”
She chuckles and stretches her legs out in front of her. I roll my shoulders, trying to itch my wings against the leather.
Everything is bothering me today.
My brain hurts from the stress of my duties, my heart still aches from the loss of my parents, and my body aches with the changes brought upon by my wings and the skills I practice every day in training.
Mina studies me briefly and grins. “All right, let’s start with what you’re feeling physically.”
I hang my head and sigh through my nose. “I don’t mean to be whiny,” I mutter.
She pats my thigh. “It’s not whiny, just tell me what you’re feeling.”
I tilt my head up to the sky, watching the light filter through the green leaves. “My wings itch and throb every second of every day. I can feel each feather as it pierces my flesh. My muscles are always sore from training or stress, and my heart aches.”
“I have a solution for most of that.” Mina nods thoughtfully.
My eyes flick to hers. “Really?”
She nods. “But we need to calm your mind first.” She pokes me in the forehead. “What’s going on up there?”
I lean back on my hands and stare out at the sea. “Too much. I’m lost again. I don’t know where I should be leading us. I know I’m doing the right thing by restoring our old ways, but what’s next? And I’m angry. So angry. They killed my parents, and I’m just sitting here, doing absolutely nothing.”
The words tumble out of me.
I hadn’t realized I had kept them bottled up.
I am furious, and the rage is consuming me more than I had realized.
“I was used, lied to, and betrayed.”
Mina dips her chin, sadness lining her features. “I was wondering when you would realize that.”
I take a breath, and it finally fills my entire chest.
“Close your eyes,” she whispers. “Hold on to that anger, and with each exhale, I want you to let it go.”
We take long, slow breaths together, and I work to let it all go.
“Anger can be a good thing,” she whispers, “when you sharpen it into a weapon you can wield. But you have used it to hinder yourself from reaching your full potential. It’s holding you back. So you must let it go.”
Her words, coupled with my controlled breathing, lull me into a state of peace, and I begin to feel lighter.
It’s a long while before I realize she hasn’t spoken in some time, and my breathing is slow and steady. I’m not quite asleep, but not fully awake either; I’m relaxed in a place in between.
Slowly, I float back to the surface of my body, my pain gone, the itching of my new wings easily ignorable. Mina twirls a cedar needle between her fingers. The wings I rarely see on her are out on full display.
“I think your wings are big enough now. I can teach you to vanish them so they won’t bother you so much.”
I nod and study her wings closely. A few scars mar the tops of them where the feathers are attached.
She notices my scrutiny and smiles sadly. “I might have lied a bit about my childhood,” she murmurs. My stomach sinks. “My parents did use me as a weapon against each other, but first, they had to hone me into one. Weapons aren’t allowed to have weaknesses, and wings are sensitive things.”
Her eyes darken with the weight of her memories, and I swallow hard.
My eyes burn with unshed tears. “Oh, Mina, I am so sorry,” I whisper.
“I learned very quickly how to hide the things that were important to me, but you’ll have plenty of time to learn.” I nod quickly, but my chest begins throbbing for the kind soul that is my friend.
All the horror she must’ve suffered to have scars like that, but remain as kind as she is, astounds me.
Mina is a rare soul.
She turns so that she’s sitting cross-legged in front of me, and I mirror her actions. She clasps my hands and stares into my eyes. The breeze floats between us, bringing with it the salty air of the sea.
The tightness of my chest eases slightly, and Mina talks softly.
“I want you to focus on where your wings protrude from your skin for a moment.” I shift my focus to the area she’s talking about.
“Focus intently, but don’t get discouraged.
Magic is less strong here, so this will take even more concentration than it should normally take,” she whispers.
I focus on her words, my attention locked onto her face.
“Now I want you to visualize the empty space between your wings, the very air itself, and will your wings into nothing.”
I focus with all my might, my abs tighten, and my eyes strain as I focus on everything from the silvery-white of my feathers to the air between them.
Mina smiles. “Remember to breathe.”
My breath whooshes out of my chest, and I work to inhale slowly.
We try for an hour before I’m mentally and physically exhausted.
“Let’s call it a day. We have plenty of time for you to learn.” She rises and stretches out a hand to me.
As she pulls me up, the temperature plummets. We look at each other in alarm.
“Do you feel that?” I ask, looking around for any cause of the temperature drop.
My words come out in puffs of steam.
Frost grows on the ground beneath us. Mina looks up into the sky as her teeth begin to clatter together.
“Lena, look,” she stutters out between shivers.
Snowflakes float down from the sky. I look from the sea to the castle as snow begins to fall. We share a look before we turn and sprint down the path that takes us back to the castle. The snow falls harder, and flowers freeze over in our wake, their petals shriveling up and dropping.
Warriors on the training ground pause their training to stare up at the sky.
Snowflakes clump in their beards and stick to their eyelashes.
Lachlan and Evander are on the edge of the grounds, racing towards us when we finally cross paths.
“What is happening?” I ask, looking around.
Lachlan shakes his head. “It never snows this far south,” he says in between pants.
“Or this out of the blue,” Evander mutters, his hands on his knees.
“So, this is another sign?” I ask, my teeth chattering as I work to catch my breath.
Mina nods. “This isn’t good.”
“We need to finish going through the books Marcus brought with him.” I stutter out between shivers. I hold my palm up to catch a snowflake.
“It’s worth trying.” Lachlan nods.
Snow begins melting before it hits the ground, the temperature rising rapidly. Heat caresses my skin, and my teeth stop chattering. I brush off the snow that had begun piling up in my hand against my pants, the wetness darkening the brown of the leather.
“If we can just solve our magic problem, then everything else should fall into place.”
***
The castle is a thrum of energy as the final preparations for Midsommar are in full swing. Flowers are placed on every flat surface, and the smell of sugary goodness wafts from the kitchen.
But a dark cloud hangs in the hall as we run into Elowen standing alone, waiting for us.
Her face looks paler than usual, and her mouth is pressed in a grim line.
“What’s happened?” I ask, scanning her for injuries. Immediately, Lachlan goes on high alert, scanning the halls and entrances for a threat.
“I had a vision,” she rasps out.
It’s only then that I notice that her eyes are completely white. A noise echoes from down the hall, and I glance behind us to see servants walking with firewood and trays of flowers.
“Let’s speak inside,” I whisper and nod to the council room door behind us. “Mina, Evander, can you guys grab Tane and Mathilda and meet us in the library?”
They both nod and continue on as Lachlan ushers Elowen inside. I square my shoulders and master my emotions as best as I can before crossing the threshold and entering the room.
We take seats in front of the roaring fireplace, the warmth of the flames chasing away the last of the chill from the freak snowstorm.
Elowen hugs her body tightly.
“Are you okay?” I ask her. She looks frightened.
“Before I tell you what I saw,” she whispers.
“You need to know that my visions aren’t as clear as they used to be.
” I nod in understanding. With magic fading, it only makes sense that it would impact her gift, too.
“I used to be able to give more details or specific things that would come to light. Now, it’s only vague glimmers or feelings. ”
She grimaces, her eyes never leaving the flames.
“Whatever you can tell us is appreciated.”
I do my best to smile encouragingly at her, but my stomach is tied in knots.
Her eyes flicker with darkness before she mumbles, “I saw a wolf devouring our realm whole. There was no more sky, no more sun, only darkness, and then I saw grey and fire before a blue light speared through, and huge giants began ripping branches from a tree while a dragon was breathing fire at it.”
She shudders and grips herself tighter.
“Do either of you know what any of that could mean?” I ask, looking from her to Lachlan.
She shakes her head before hanging it and staring at her lap. Lachlan stands and begins pacing in front of the fireplace. After a few turns, he stops and leans a hand against the mantle, his back to us.
“Well, the giants and dragons are enemies of ours,” he grumbles.
“They’re foretold to battle us in the Great War,” I add in, thinking back to the brief lesson Mathilda gave me back in the capital.
I scan Elowen as she shivers, her strawberry-blonde hair ruffling with the movement. “Do you have any idea when this could take place?”
Her eyes flick up and are more hollow than before.
“Soon.”