18. A Tiny, Little Thing
A TINY, LITTLE THING
Alex
The excitement of the killing began to fade during the ride in the carriage to Raven Hall.
My first drained victim left behind emptiness and numbness, although I wasn’t sure if they came from guilt or the need to experience killing again. Dawn was close, which weakened me. Not to mention Irene’s cross made me want to throw up. I had to look away every time I caught a glimpse of it.
Sitting next to me, Irene wiped her wet cheeks. “I can’t believe you drained a person.”
“It was Tanner.” Why wasn’t she happy I’d killed the bastard?
Darius finished eating one of his beloved brandy balls. “You’ve doomed yourself. There’s no going back from taking a life, no matter how evil the man was.”
His words whispered the truth in my mind.
“It won’t happen again. You’re overreacting.” But Irene’s tears were a stab to my chest.
“We care about you.” Darius sounded disgusted. “If you really want to kill someone, it should be Bethlen. He’s a rogue, and it’s only a matter of time before he starts draining thousands of people in a day. Besides, if you kill him, you’ll return human, too, and have a normal life.”
What Darius had said was true, but my throat was stirred by the thought of draining someone else, someone who deserved it.
Darius shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. Damned Cara’s spell. This isn’t you. The spell poisoned your mind, and I don’t know how to reverse it. How useless I am!”
Irene squeezed his hand. “It’s not your fault, and you aren’t useless.”
He drew a shaky breath. “He saved my life, and I can’t help him in his darkest moment.”
Hell. The bond with Irene became painfully taut, and my head throbbed. “Darius. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I do, because you’re my best friend.” He faced the window, jaw clenching.
“You’re like a brother to me,” I said as a lump swelled in my throat. “We’re even.” I had to blink quickly to clear my vision.
To make matters worse, the sun was rising when the carriage rolled to a stop in the yard. I had barely time to enter before the red light of dawn hit me; I was trapped in the mansion.
My skin had pricked unpleasantly before sunrise. I’d felt the dawn coming, and my instinct was to run as prey would from a predator.
Darius and Irene talked in the entrance hall in the sunlight, but I needed darkness and rushed up the stairs.
The relief when I entered my dark bedroom was immediate. The heavy drapes and wooden shutters calmed the throbbing in my temples.
“We should talk.” Irene’s soft footsteps sounded from behind me.
My first instinct was to tell her to leave because I didn’t trust myself, but a second voice whispered that she was aware of what I was. She didn’t need a warning.
“I need to feed.”
That came out of nowhere because, while the thirst never left me, I wasn’t particularly hungry, but her sweet scent, steady heartbeat, and lovely veins were a temptation I couldn’t resist. It was as if someone else was sharing my mind and body, someone who didn’t care about anyone.
She narrowed her gaze. “Again?”
“I didn’t like Tanner’s blood.” I inhaled her orange blossom scent.
She put a hand on my chest. “We should talk about what happened in that alley, and you need to change clothes.”
I didn’t know what to say.
She stepped back from me. “Tanner was a thug, and the city is safer without him. But you didn’t have to kill him. Certainly not like that.”
“May I hold you?” I needed to feel her body against mine.
“No!” Her chest heaved. “You must understand the seriousness of your behaviour.”
“I’m confused.” I ran a hand through my hair. “On the one hand, Tanner deserved it. On the other hand, I feel like I’m about to throw up.” Just saying the words caused my stomach to churn.
She stepped further back in reply. “You’re a rogue.” Her voice cracked. “We must do something to save you. Alex, you must listen to me. You’ve taken a very dark, very wrong path.”
She moved towards the door, and sheer panic overwhelmed me. She was leaving me. I couldn’t be alone right now. If I was, I would go mad.
“Don’t leave me,” I pleaded, but my voice was so low that she didn’t hear me.
My power burst out of its own accord. My bond with Irene was special because she was my first provider, and I’d given her my blood when she’d been turned into a wili. I was her master and able to give her orders she couldn’t refuse.
“Come here.” A quiver ran through me with the strength of the order.
I needed her close to me. Only that.
Her back straightened, and her arms dropped at her sides as she dragged herself towards me. The cross she was holding slipped to the floor when her fingers flexed open.
“What are you doing?” She flushed, and the scent of her blood grew stronger.
“Don’t leave me.” I slid a hand behind her nape and drew her closer.
Her scent filled my senses.
“This isn’t you.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “You’re caring and gentle.”
Something cracked in my chest at the sight of her tears. They hurt. Intimately. I hated seeing her cry, and she was crying because of me. I’d made her cry.
She turned her head away from me. I stroked her creamy skin wet with her tears.
“Stop. This isn’t you.” Her voice became distorted by my control over her.
I dipped my head, but I couldn’t sink my teeth into her flesh as the thirst ordered me. A sickening lump crawled into my throat. I was so close to her perfect neck that her warmth reached my lips. Yet I didn’t inch forwards.
“I fell in love with you because you were kind and compassionate.”
I stared at her. “Love.”
She’d never told me she loved me. Not in so many words.
“The mi-mirror.” The words came out slowly and stuttered from her.
I looked at my reflection. There was none. All that was left of me was a vague, smoky blur. My soul was gone. It was as if a bucket of icy water had been poured over me.
“Irene?” Darius’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Are you all right? Answer me.”
I leapt back from her, shaking with horror. “I release you.”
The moment I gave the order to release her, she slouched and cried harder, gazing at the floor.
“Irene…”
“How could you?” She avoided gazing up at me as she seized her cross from the floor.
“Please look at me.”
She didn’t oblige.
“I’m so—”
The door burst open, and Darius strode inside, holding a chain with several religious symbols from the cross to the nine-pointed star and the aum. They were so painful to watch that I shouted. Pangs hit my body like stabs. My knees gave in. I dropped to the floor, clutching my stomach.
“Irene, leave.” Darius waved her out, but she didn’t move.
She shook, sobs coming out of her. “He ordered me…”
“Bloody hell, I’m ordering you to leave! Do as I say.” Darius grabbed her arm and dragged her out, showing me the symbols.
When she was out of the room, he emptied the contents of a large bottle onto the carpet, forming a semicircle. “I’m sorry, mate. I promise I’m going to help you, but for now, I must keep you away from us.”
He shut the door with a thud.
I flinched. When the pain passed, I staggered to my feet towards the door, only to be assaulted by excruciating pain.
Darius must have spread blessed water everywhere; it caused my skin to burn when I tried to step over the line he’d drawn with the water on the carpet. I couldn’t reach the door.
I deserved the treatment, but I wanted to apologise to Irene.
I faced the mirror, and a new chill gripped my heart.
The day I’d always feared had come. My soul had been shattered.
I’d killed one person, who hadn’t even been innocent, and my soul was gone.
The deal with Carabosse must have worsened the situation because the degradation of a soul wasn’t that fast.
Tanner’s blood stirred in my churning stomach and poisoned my veins. I was a true monster. I didn’t regret having killed Tanner, but I regretted how I’d behaved with Irene. I’d forced her to obey me, and she’d told me she loved me. How despicable of me.
I had to see Carabosse.
I pulled the curtains open and leapt back as the sunlight flowed in. The brief contact with the light had drilled a hole in my hand. A fresh pang tore a groan out of me.
The window was my only chance to leave the room. Darius was likely planning to seal the window as well. Or he counted on the sun to keep me inside.
From my armoire, I took out a thick coat, a hat, a scarf, and a pair of leather gloves. After I mummified myself with clothes, making sure only a narrow slit over my eyes was left uncovered, I faced the damn sunlight.
I opened the window and jumped through it without thinking too much.
I landed without a sound on the paved path. My powers had increased since I’d drained Tanner, and his blood should give me strength, but the sunlight weakened me. Blood trickled from my injured hand. I pulled up the scarf and kept to the shadows.
The sun was working its way through the layers of fabric. It was only a matter of time before it reached my skin and burnt me.
Under the shadows of the hedges, I rounded the corner and headed for the front door.
I exhaled in relief when I stepped into the entrance hall. The cool temperature and the darkness were exactly what I needed. “Lowe?”
The butler came out of a door, but the moment he saw me, he ran away yelling bloody murder. Instinct pushed me to chase him, but I remained still. Carabosse was my priority.
I went up the stairs, hoping not to meet Darius. The sunlight was growing stronger, killing me, even though I was indoors. Each step required a ridiculous amount of energy. My legs seemed to weigh a tonne each.
Fiona was walking in my direction, humming a tune.
“Fiona.” I rushed towards her or tried to. “Where is—”
She screamed and pulled the curtains of a window open. I shouted too, covering my head with my arms. She scurried away, and I slogged onwards, breathing heavily.
I pushed Cara’s bedroom door open.
“Cara?” My voice sounded raspy.
A maid screamed when she entered the room. I was growing tired of people screaming in my face.
“Your Grace.”
“Where’s Carabosse?”
She pointed a trembling hand in the direction of the hill. “Willow Grove.”
She rushed to hide in the lavatory, and I had to use every ounce of my control because her heartbeat pounded quickly and hard in my ears.
Instead, I focused on the long walk under the sun waiting for me.
Footmen and maids scattered away at my passage, dropping trays with glasses and piles of fresh linens. Darius must have warned everyone to stay away from me. Clever man.
I loitered in the entrance hall, gathering the courage to go out. When I opened the front door, a wave of scorching air engulfed me.
What the bloody hell? Was I still in England?
I left the house as fast as I could. Better be quick and be done with it.
The speed died quickly. Sweat soaked my shirt and plastered the fabric to my skin. My breath produced a rattling noise, scratching my throat. The glare of the sun blinded me. I had to pause under the sycamore to take a breather.
The mighty tree rose over me with its protective shadow, its lower boughs touching the top of my hat. The light scratching was comforting.
After I rested for a few minutes, I left the sycamore.
The steep path was sheer torture. I was thirsty, sweaty, and exhausted. My mouth was as dry as parchment. My lips might fall off at any moment.
I had to crawl the last few yards, wincing as the hot rocks dug into my flesh.
It was bloody winter. But I could be in the middle of the Sahara in summer for all I knew.
And there was something else I hadn’t thought about in my haste to come to the cemetery. Crosses everywhere. They loomed over me from the graves, glared from the tombstones, and flashed in the sunlight. Their shadows crept towards me.
It was too much. I fell to the ground, wheezing and tasting my own blood.
“Carabosse.” My voice was nothing but a thin whisper. “Cara—” I coughed. “Carabosse.”
Footsteps approached, and I hoped it was Darius finishing me off with a blessed stake.
“Look what we have here.” That was Carabosse. Despite her words, she sounded concerned. But the sun might have affected my judgement.
I wasn’t sure if I should consider myself lucky or cursed.
“The mighty Duke of the Dark Court at my feet.” She crouched and tilted her head, filling my limited field of vision. “What is it? Is the sun too hot for you? Or don’t you like the crosses?” Concern again.
I didn’t understand her.
Just kill me. “I lost control over my thirst. I’m a rogue.” Talking scraped my throat. “You lied.”
“I did not!” A hard glint crossed her gaze. “I told you there was a price to pay. I don’t choose the price. It’s the spell that does.”
I licked my cracked lips. “Take it back. Reverse it. I’ll pay you.”
“Don’t insult me.” She clenched her teeth. “Besides, you know you’re going to pay a price.”
“I don’t care. If I get worse, I’ll ask Darius to stab me, but I must try one more time.” I breathed a few times, fighting the exhaustion. “What do you want? Name your price. As long as you don’t hurt those I love, I would give you anything to get my control back.”
“How lovely. Since you mention it.” Her smile sent a chill down my sweaty back. “There’s a tiny, little thing I want from you.”