37. Lehm
Chapter thirty-seven
Lehm
Am I picking up on Maria’s anxiety, or are these feelings all my own? I can always tell when something bothers her by the way she braids her hair.
Particularly when her fingers tremble as she weaves the strands.
Sitting behind her in the back seat next to the boxes, I take one breath in through my nose, hold it, then a slow breath out through my mouth—an exercise Diego taught me when I was newly turned, even if I no longer needed to breathe.
As we pull out of the garage, I say the only neutral thing I can think of: “Impressive, the way the tunnel slopes up and hides the garage door.”
Chris glances in the rearview mirror. “So you weren’t part of the raiding party?”
My pulse races, my throat clutches, and I barely squeeze out, “No.”
“Why not? You didn’t know Zinnia was here—nothing to stop you.”
“They didn’t want me with them. The nest doesn’t trust young vampires. And I didn’t want to go. It seemed…wrong.”
In the rearview mirror, Chris’s gentle blue eyes are now solid black. “That’s a relief. I didn’t want to ask before. In case you were. Besides taking Zinnia”—he’s growling now—“one of your nest mates stabbed my cat.”
“Not my nest mates,” I scoff. Then I soften my tone. I’m still a stranger to him. “If I’d known, I would’ve died again rather than let them take Zinnia. And I’m sorry about your cat. Is that the one Zinnia told me about?”
“Yeah, Wolfie. He’s fine now.”
“I’m glad.”
I heard them talking about the cat but wanted to make sure. I’d never seen a cat up close until Chris scooped up the animal and ran off last night. All the cats I’ve seen while scavenging were feral, and few of them survived the post-Collapse heat.
Maria sighs and tosses her braid over her shoulder. Apparently, Chris wasn’t the only one afraid to ask me if I was involved in the raid. She brushes her hands over her arms and clears her throat. “If you weren’t on the raiding party, how did you end up in charge of Zinnia?”
“When they first brought her into the caverns, she wouldn’t stop screaming and hitting and biting.”
“That’s my girl. I trained her well.”
“Indeed, you did.” I pat Maria’s shoulder and feel guilty for not being there at the silo to help. Zinnia learned self-defense after I was gone.
Maria turns to look at me. “So what happened?”
“They were afraid a hungry vamp would hurt her, so they turned her over to the mortals.”
“The blood slaves?”
“Yes,” I say. My feelings around this are difficult. I was a blood slave before being turned, and it was too similar to the crimes of pre-Collapse history. The historical wrongs I’d taught my daughter to recognize and never forget.
Chris growls. “Forcing a mortal to donate is illegal.”
I don’t know how to explain my shame over being used that way, so I continue answering Maria. “Zinnia didn’t like being with the mortals any better than the vampires, and she continued to kick up a fuss. That’s when I got a good look at her and realized who she was.”
“Did Zinnia recognize you?” Maria asks.
“She did, after I snuck up behind the mortal holding her. I motioned for her to be quiet. She obeyed. I told the nest I’m good with children and asked to let me try.”
Maria reaches over the seat to squeeze my hand. “Thank you, Lehm.”
I squeeze back. “Diego said, ‘If you feed off her, we’ll stake you.’ I didn’t need the threat. I’d never hurt Zinnia, and she came into my arms willingly and stopped screaming. The other vamps didn’t care why.”
“You didn’t tell them you’re her father?”
“I was too afraid. If they knew about our relationship, they might think I’d interfere with their plans, and then they’d keep her from me.
Once I was alone with Zinnia, I explained how important it was not to let the others know I was her father.
She stayed with me, slept with me through the day, and that’s how we got through it. ”
I spoke so quickly I ran out of air, so I suck in a deep breath. Talking about what happened releases the fear I’ve kept trapped—fear that something might go wrong, fear that after finding my child again, I’d lose her to the whims of the nest.
When we arrive at the steel door to the caverns, it’s wide open. Tig waits there, and gestures for Chris to park and come inside.
My stomach tightens. If I go through the maw of the caverns, will I be trapped there, never able to leave and see her again?
Maria exits the truck and opens my door. “It’ll be okay.”
“You promise I’ll be allowed to return to the ark?”
She gives a gentle smile and swipes her fingers across her heart. “Promise.”
I can already feel Diego tugging at me. I hesitate, and Maria latches on to my arm and pulls me out of the truck. I stumble, but she keeps me upright.
“Nothing is gonna happen to you. You’re family, and we protect family. Right?”
Words I heard frequently throughout my childhood. I straighten my spine. “Right.”
Chris comes over and grabs the boxes from the back seat. “Let’s get this over with, so we can get home before Ari hypes up Zinnia on chocolate and she can’t sleep.”
I furrow my brow. “Chocolate?”
Maria laughs. “I’ll explain later.”
Gooseflesh ripples over my skin as I step inside the Kartchner Caverns.
According to an analog thermometer the nest scavenged, it’s seventy degrees Fahrenheit inside—a reprieve from the stifling heat outside.
But also a reminder of the first time I was dragged here, when the cool air became associated in my mind with the fear of death and the loss of my family forever.
Diego tugs at our connection again, and my anxiety spikes higher.
Chris is deep into the cavern, distributing the gifts, which leaves me to introduce Maria to the nest’s remnants. As she talks with the leaders, Diego lurks in the nearby shadows, and I feel an urge to go to him.
Maria doesn’t seem to notice my struggle to resist his call. She’s too busy chatting with Rose.
When I refuse to heed Diego’s command, he whooshes over to me and whispers a lightning-fast message in my ear. His breath runs along my ear canal, sending chills through me, and my stomach clenches with fear.