Chapter 19
Ryan sighed. He reached up and brushed his thumb over Lucie’s cheek as he gazed into her emerald eyes.
“This is a lot to ask, but please don’t be mad at me.
I know I was wrong now, but that doesn’t change anything.
And … I can say this with total certainty.
Before you were my mate, I loved you, Lucie.
Finding out you were my mate was wonderful, but to find out you’re my soulmate …
it’s unbelievable. I mean, that doesn’t happen.
Our fate together was connected by someone. Maybe your Moon Goddess?”
Lucie shook her head and looked at him, confused. “What are you saying?” She knew what it sounded like he was saying, but it didn’t make any sense.
“This has to be kept a secret right now. Just let me explain, please.” He sighed as he watched hurt begin to reflect in her eyes. He nodded his head slowly. “I’m Derrick, Lucie.”
“You’re not the guy I’ve been seeing—” She stopped abruptly and studied him, realizing he more closely resembled the little boy she used to play with.
She always excused his differences due to growing up.
But looking at him now … he did look more like Derrick.
She softly took in his scent. It was familiar.
Derrick … well, who she thought was Derrick, told her before that his scent had changed because of puberty.
Which was true since Jasper’s had changed as well.
Jasper, however, still had a hint of his normal scent, while the Derrick she knew didn’t.
But this Ryan … she was finally putting the puzzle together.
There was a nostalgic scent to him, one that made her heart race.
Her eyes were glued on him as she waited for him to continue.
“That is my double, Ryan. The real Ryan. Let me explain, please. The prince’s men must be people that can be trusted unconditionally.
The only way to truly see that is to work among them.
No one will show their true colors in front of the royals.
They even act differently in front of Jasper.
So, I swapped places with my double. I took on the soldier role and he took on the face of the prince.
At the end of this summer, we were going to switch back.
The prince’s soldiers would move into the palace as my elite, trusted men, and the real face of the prince would be revealed.
Right now, only a handful of people know who I am.
I’m so sorry, Lucie. I didn’t realize how isolated and unwanted he was making you feel.
I could tell when you talked about him how hurt you were by all of this.
I’m so sorry …” His eyes watered slightly as Lucie’s face looked more pale and pained.
“He was supposed to keep it on a friend level so you didn’t fall for him. I never meant to hurt you. Please don’t be mad.”
Mad? Lucie wanted to laugh. Mad? She wasn’t mad …
okay, maybe a little. But she was hurt. For years, she felt like she was unwanted and not good enough.
All of that could have been avoided if they had just told her.
Why was she left in the dark? And then Jasper …
her chest felt constricted as she turned her gaze to her .
.. friend? She wanted to scream. That hurt the most. Her ‘best friend’ kept this secret from her.
Was he even her friend or just the prince’s spy?
“Back to what we talked about before, Jasper,” Lucie said icily.
He would know exactly what she meant by that.
This was a conversation they’d had several times, when they talked about whether or not he could truly be her friend as the prince’s cousin.
A real friend would have told her, right?
He had seen the pain that Derrick was causing her by ignoring her and not joining her for dinner. Yet, he never said anything.
“Lucie, please. Don’t be angry with me,” Jasper said as he looked at her anxiously.
Lucie stepped back from both men, but her gaze was still on Jasper. She felt the biggest betrayal from him.
“Angry? Frustrated … hurt, and feeling na?ve as hell. But angry? No.” Her eyes watered and she shook her head. “You knew, Jasper. You saw firsthand how much I was hurting about all this …”
“He was under orders. This was top secret, Lucie.”
Lucie looked at Derrick. “So it’s Derrick, is it?
I’m your fiancée, but I couldn’t know this secret?
Instead, you wanted me to meet with another man, and he would be the picture of my fiancé.
That was really well thought out. What if I had developed feelings for him?
Of course, that was why he treated me like dirt …
to make sure that didn’t happen. So instead it was okay for me to suffer.
For years, I felt like I was the unwanted trash that the prince had to take as his bride. ”
“You aren’t unwanted, Lucie. I love you.
You were always on my mind. When we were younger, I always thought you were so bright, and your energy was so attractive.
When I first met you as a baby, I admit I didn’t think much of you, but that started changing.
The more we were together, I felt myself becoming more and more drawn to you.
We were too young to feel the mate pull, but it must have been because we would be soulmates.
If I could do it all over, I would make sure you knew.
I’m sorry. We were wrong not to tell you.
My father said it was best to keep the secret with us, and I listened to his suggestion.
I know now how wrong it was.” Derrick dropped to his knees and took Lucie’s hand in his. “Please forgive me, Lucie. I need you.”
Lucie sighed. “I’ve made my stance quite clear. I plan to stand by the treaty.” She felt him grip her hand tighter as he stood up and stepped into her space with a low growl.
“No, Lucie. Not for the treaty. For me. As a man, as your mate. You will choose me for me or not at all.”
Lucie let out an airy laugh and pushed Derrick back with a fierce look.
“You think because I desire you from the mate pull that I will just give in to these feelings? I should ignore the hurt I feel and just be thrilled that my fated mate has been deceiving me for years? I shouldn’t care that my best friend kept the biggest secret ever from me, even though it caused me pain?
I understand that you both were following orders, and to hell with my feelings about it.
You love me?” She scoffed. “You don’t even know me.
You love the idea of me. And now you feel the mate pull toward me.
If you would have just met with me, we would have known a long time ago we were fated mates. ” She squeezed her hands into fists.
“Why? Why did it have to be like that? I attended parties and dances alone or with my cousin. I had you, so I shouldn’t have been alone. And I would have understood, had the situation been explained to me.
“Look, I understand now. Really, I do. You both were just doing what you were told. But I need time. I need to process this, away from the two of you.”
“Lucie,” Jasper said, his tone desperate as she took a few steps toward the door.
She looked down at the floor. “I thought of you as a brother … but Aedan would have never … in the end, you’re the prince’s cousin first. I understand that.
I just don’t know what that means as far as our friendship is concerned.
” She looked up at Jasper and could see the hurt in his eyes.
She was hurt, too. He was under orders. She understood that, but where was the line between their friendship and orders?
And how far did orders go? If he was ordered to, would he have killed her?
Where was his line? She lifted her gaze to Derrick.
She should be elated that she could be with her fated mate.
But she’d struggled for so long. The feeling of being unwanted and unaccepted by the prince had plagued her for years.
And then to hear it was all for naught? She needed to sort out her feelings.
“I don’t need to be carried.” She met Derrick’s gaze to make sure he understood, then opened the door and walked out, leaving the guys anxiously watching her.
She walked into the living room and felt like tearing something apart out of frustration.
She was overwhelmed with emotions, both good and bad.
Okay, she could admit that if she’d ordered Justice not to say something, she knew he would listen to her.
So she could understand Jasper’s position …
a bit. Part of it was them being dumb boys, too.
She understood this from Aedan and Justice, who very rarely thought about how their actions affected other people.
She once had to tell them how they hurt a girl’s feelings because the morons were oblivious. They just didn’t think things through.
All Jasper had to do was explain to Derrick that her feeling rejected by his stand-in was hurting her. Had he done this, Derrick probably would have made an exception and told her what was going on. Which of course was the problem with boys. They didn’t think.
Knowing Derrick was her fated mate did lift a burden from her. The guy she was ready to give herself to was actually the right guy. He was her fiancé. This was not a coincidence. It couldn’t have been. She was sure her parents would think the same, too.
She wasn’t going to reject her fated mate, especially since he was Derrick.
But it was best to let them sweat for a bit.
She was running the show here. If she wanted a relationship, then it would be her pursuing it.
That was the other thing those two needed to learn.
They were not the ones in charge. She was.
She was the Alpha King’s daughter, and she didn’t run behind anyone.
On a primal level, she wanted to mark her mate, but on an emotional level, they needed to talk.
She just needed to think of the memory of a party where she stood by the punch bowl while everyone else danced with their partners.
She had asked the man she thought was Derrick if he wanted to go with her, but he’d politely turned her down.
Jasper had been busy as well, so she ended up going alone.
Even if she would have known the real Derrick, he couldn’t have gone with her, but she wouldn’t have felt rejected.
The fake Derrick didn’t even give her a reason.
He just said “No thanks.” Yes, she needed to hold on to this memory for willpower.
“Are you okay?” Tonya asked, walking up to Lucie.
“Me?” Lucie gave her an evil smile and shrugged. “Sure, just teaching a lesson is all. I think they need to learn who’s really in charge.”
Tonya giggled. “Those are the best lessons to teach.”
Lucie smiled. Finally, she wasn’t being carried everywhere. Her injuries were healing, though not healed up completely. But she was a werewolf and didn’t need to be coddled.
A messenger fairy whisked in through the wall frantically, halting in front of her.
Your parents have been attacked on their way here to find you—
Lucie didn’t let the fairy continue its sentence. In a growl, she shifted and charged out the door.
“Lucie!” Tonya yelled. “Shit, tell Ryan!” She turned as Zach opened the door to Ryan’s room.
“Lucie LEFT! She shifted into her wolf and took off!” Zach yelled.
Derrick growled and shook his head. “If she thinks she’s going to just leave, she has another thing coming. Jasper and I will bring her back. You all stay here,” he ordered and blurred out of the room with Jasper.
Once outside, Lucie’s fawn-colored lycan pushed off the ground with all her might. Her wounds were opening back up, but she didn’t feel them. Pure adrenaline kicked in while she headed in the direction of her parents’ scent. As their scent got closer, another scent hit her nose.
Blood.