Chapter 6 #2
“More or less,” Marie answers. “The Order is very much our boogeyman.” She looks at me.
“As I told you, most of us don’t have active powers, which means we don’t have some magical way of defending ourselves at the moment.
Plus, even someone with an active power can be shot, poisoned, or stabbed on the street.
” Her expression grows serious. “It doesn’t matter how strong your powers are or how grand everything here seems. We’re all vulnerable. ”
I take another big drink, forcing down the lump rising in my throat. Because I know exactly what she’s talking about. I know how the Order operates. They’re good at what they do, which is why I’m good at what I do.
They get close. They pretend to be friends. Hell, one time Antonio worked a job as an electrician for six whole months because the Order suspected the company was owned by werewolves. He went to birthday parties, weddings, and even his coworkers’ family Thanksgiving dinner.
The company was run by wolves, but thankfully we left for another job, and I never knew exactly what happened.
Though a year or so later, I searched for the company on social media. Their Instagram hadn’t been updated. I know what the Order did, but I don’t know how they did it.
And I don’t want to know.
“It’s getting late,” Marie says, somewhat surprising me. “The last place technically doesn’t close, but I did promise to get you back home within a reasonable amount of time.”
“Right,” I say, both thankful and a little disappointed.
I still feel so conflicted about whether or not I should trust her.
I have absolutely no reason not to trust her, which is exactly what makes me feel like I shouldn’t.
It’s almost as if she’s doing everything too perfectly.
Is it really that hard to believe people can just be decent without an ulterior motive?
She puts her hands on the bar and leans back slightly as she looks around. “There’s no one else here I’d want to introduce you to right away,” she says. “It is a bit slow, though I suppose, being a Wednesday night.”
“Right. It is.” Exactly what day of the week it is has completely slipped past me. A lot has been going on, of course, and I don’t have much reason to keep track of the days anymore. My life has become so strange.
“I do hope to see you back,” Dennis says. “If what Marie says is right, it won’t take long to get you caught up.”
“As long as I don’t have to take a test,” I joke, laughing awkwardly.
“I can give you one,” Dennis replies with a chuckle. “And I won’t even grade it.”
“Give me an A at least,” I joke before finishing my drink.
I go to use the bathroom before we leave and make the hour drive back to the house.
I’m feeling a little buzzed as I walk through the bar, and now I’m regretting having any alcohol at all.
Part of me wants another drink so I can drown everything out, and another part of me wants to curl up in a ball and fall asleep, giving myself several hours in dreamland where I don’t have to remember reality.
I pass a table on my way back to Marie, crowded with several girls who appear to be about my age. They look at me curiously, and I wonder if this coven is like a small town where everyone recognizes each other. Can they spot an outsider from a mile away?
“All right, my dear,” Marie says, getting up.
I adjust my purse across my chest and take one last lingering look around before we head outside. I stop after only a few steps, noticing a graveyard off to the side. I blink, and the memory hits me of finding my parents’ graves not that long ago.
Deep down, I knew they were dead. And deep down, I knew I was clinging to false hope when my locator spell seemed to work. The disappointment and heartbreak crash over me all over again, physically hurting in the center of my chest.
“My parents,” I start, turning to look at Marie. “They’re buried in just a regular cemetery. I found their graves.”
“These graves are reserved only for our high priest and priestess,” she says. “Most choose to be buried outside the Covenstead instead, in what you would consider a regular cemetery, so they can be with their families.”
I nod. And then I remember Xavier was there too.
I remember how he helped me. How he comforted me.
And then brought me into a mausoleum and fucked me, but it was more than sex.
I didn’t just let him in physically, but I made space for him in my heart.
It makes me miss him, which forms another ache inside my chest. Because I miss him.
I do love him.
I want to go home to him and feel his arms wrap around me because when I’m with him, there’s no place I’d rather be. When I’m with him, I feel safe. I feel seen. And I feel accepted for who I am.
I think Mabel was right. I’m not just mad at Xavier for doing something I didn’t want him to do.
I’m mad at myself because I don’t think I had the strength to do it on my own.
I was too scared to do what had to be done, and there’s a big part of me that feels guilty for pushing that onto Xavier and forcing him to be the one to do it. I was the one who made a deal.
I was the one who started this whole thing.
I could’ve said no. I could’ve let Antonio go.
If there is a heaven, he would’ve been there.
I could’ve accepted that I had to live without him.
But I didn’t want to. I’m no better or worse than Xavier.
We both acted out of love. We both did something impulsive and dangerous because we didn’t want to have to live in this world without one of our favorite people.
“Thank you for bringing me,” I tell Marie, blinking back tears. I don’t drink often because I like to be in control of myself. Emotions included. And right now, I’m having a hard time fighting everything swirling inside me, desperately wanting to come out.
“Of course,” Marie says. “I know this is a lot to take in all at once. You’re a stranger to this side of the supernatural world, and finding out all of this exists—and that you could’ve had this from the start—I know it’s a shock to your system.”
“Yeah.” My voice breaks. I sniffle and laugh because it’s all I can do to keep from bursting into tears. “And I just don’t know if I can handle one more existential crisis.” I shake my head. “Is it weird to say I have no idea who I am, but I like myself anyway?”
“No. That’s not weird at all. That just shows how much strength you have inside you, Wren.
” She gives me a sympathetic look. “We’ve all been told some bullshit line about how God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors, and it’s supposed to bring comfort.
But nobody wants to be strong. Nobody wants a pat on the back for how many hits they can keep taking.
” She takes in a slow breath. “I can’t promise you anything, but I can tell you that you have a home and a family here.
And if we’re going to put that demon back in a cage, this is a place full of people who can help you. ”
“I can’t ask anybody to do that. It’s too risky. You told me my own family lost members of their coven dealing with these demons.”
“I did,” she says with a nod. “And trust me, you’re not going to have a line of volunteers wrapped around the corner. Unless Vaelric is a direct threat to our coven, the fact that he escaped will probably be ignored by most.”
“I guess that’s good for me.” I make a pained face. “But not good for the world.”
“We’ll figure something out,” she tells me. “But it has to be one step at a time. And the first step is being in a place where you belong.” We slowly make our way toward the door. “You don’t belong in the dark, Wren. You belong here. With us.”
And the truth of those words settles heavier inside me with every step. Because Marie is right. I was never meant to marry a vampire.