Chapter 17 #2
Watching my home’s transformation from dark to light feels like shattering an invisible boundary that I inadvertently built around myself. And just as the castle welcomes the rivers of golden light to reinvigorate her, so do I welcome whatever my future in the warm light will bring.
Thanks to some smart residents over the years who knew how to invest well, money has never been a big issue for Starry Hill. Despite this fact, I’ve always felt guilty about spending some of the town’s money on myself.
Even though sunscreen has only become available in recent years, buying some for myself felt like a selfish indulgence and guilt wracked me every time I had to use it, thinking those funds could go toward a more worthy cause.
Now though, I foresee myself buying substantial stock of the miracle product as I return to daylight, to my community, and reclaim the parts of myself I’ve hidden for so long.
Throughout the day, Anita has been a good companion to us, making herself scarce at the right times. Like when Audrey’s small touches lead to lingering kisses.
Anita also relocated to the parlor for a nap when I positioned Audrey on the table, shoved the shirt up to her waist and fucked her so hard she shouted my name.
Multiple times.
Anita returned to us again when our conversation started back up, weaving between our legs and demanding attention with her adorable blue eyes.
Audrey then picked Anita up and danced around the room with her while singing songs with some very suggestive lyrics—lyrics which might just serve as inspiration for tonight.
I don’t think a more perfect day has ever existed for me.
Eventually, the kitchen is clean and we start a small fire in the hearth to test it. I take a seat in front of the crackling flames and pull Audrey into my lap.
“Did you always want to become a tax accountant?” I ask her as the setting sun limns her dark hair with a golden band.
Audrey shakes her head and taps my nose with her index finger. “Believe it or not, I wanted to own a cute little bed-and-breakfast where I could take care of people and watch them leave again before they could annoy me.”
“Why didn’t you go that route?” I ask as I trace her collarbones with my fingers, resisting the urge to lean forward and nibble on them.
Shrugging, Audrey answers, “Money. I’m way too pragmatic to get caught up in dreams. I was good at accounting at school and it felt natural to study in that direction and make a decent living out of it. What about you? Did you have a dream job?”
I understand her desire to change the topic and reward her honesty with my own. “I was the heir to my title, so my future as a laird was determined before I was born. Back then, dreaming was a luxury few could afford. Nevertheless, I was very satisfied with my job.”
“You’re a great laird,” Audrey says.
“Was,” I correct.
“You still are,” Audrey counters with raised brows. She leans back as she waits for me to fully understand what she means, imploring me with her eyes to look at myself the way she looks at me.
But how can I be a great laird when many creatures in this town don’t even know what I look like? How can I be their leader, their caretaker, if there are so many residents that I haven’t had a proper conversation with, whose histories I don’t fully know?
Aye, I have creatures contacting me from across the world to let me know of others in trouble, and I always find a way to get them to Starry Hill, to offer them refuge should they need it. But after that, while I stay stuck in my dark castle, I’m not very involved in their lives.
All day I’ve been contemplating how to step back into the light, and I think Audrey has helped me realize my answer.
Finally, I admit, “I’d like to be more involved with the community again.”
Audrey graces me with a brilliant smile. “Starry Hill will be lucky to have you take a more active role again.” She gives me a quick kiss, then asks in a more serious tone, “Why did you stop being involved?”
I stare at the amber and gold flames, watching their rhythmic dance as the logs pop and hiss, then take a fortifying breath.
“I got tired of saying goodbye.” Faces flash behind my eyes, memories of the first few decades of creatures who came and went, the friendships formed and lost, and the feeling of always returning to my home. Alone.
Audrey waits patiently for me to continue, her soft caresses on my nape a comforting touch while I search for the right words.
“I have always been the only constant in Starry Hill,” I say, still keeping my eyes on the mesmerizing flames.
“Creatures will always leave, while I will always remain. It is the hand fate has dealt me and I have accepted it. Yes, it’s an honor to serve the community, but I guess at some point, it became too difficult to be directly involved all the time.
It was easier to put other creatures and better systems in place and gradually remove myself from their lives.
In turn, it became easier to protect my own heart. ”
Audrey’s hand on my nape pauses and she whispers, “It must’ve been so lonely.”
“It was.” Finally, I turn my face toward hers. “I’m ready to not be lonely anymore.”
A short breath puffs out of Audrey and her glassy eyes crinkle with a soft smile. “Me too.”
“When do you go back?” I ask in an equally hushed voice, unsure if I even want to know the answer.
Audrey glides a finger across my cheek, catching the stray tear I didn’t even know had escaped. “I don’t know. But I’m not in a hurry. Not anymore.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I put out the fire and Audrey checks that Anita is comfortable in her bed in the parlor before we go about closing all the doors and windows downstairs.
Wordlessly, Audrey and I climb up the big staircase hand and hand, turning left at the top of the stairs, and back to our bed.