Chapter 19
Arran
Ipace up and down the parlor, then the foyer, stomp through the kitchen before starting the same loop again, all while waiting for Audrey to come home.
There’s this feeling coursing through me, this intense burning eating me up from the inside out and I don’t know what to do with it.
My heart thunders in my chest, confusion and hurt warring with my brain and my heart as I imagine a thousand scenarios that will explain what I saw.
Why does it bother me so much that Audrey spent time with someone else? Why do I feel like I want to rip everything and everyone apart who dares to stand between Audrey and me?
I don’t deserve her, of this, I am absolutely certain. We’ve never made any real promises to each other, never declared our feelings in as many words, so I shouldn’t feel entitled to her sole affection. Yet… she owns my heart.
Sagging into a chair, I clutch at my head and curl my fingers into my hair, the strands longer than I’m used to. I’ve not shorn it in quite some time, enjoying the way it feels when Audrey runs her fingers through my hair when she’s falling asleep.
I don’t want to go back to living the way I did before I met her. I don’t want the darkness or the loneliness I was confined to. I don’t want even one night without her in my arms.
Just as I’m about to lose the last semblance of sanity, I scent Audrey. A gust of wind brings her velvety rose fragrance over the hill and straight through the open kitchen windows.
I breathe in the familiar scent, letting it calm my racing heart, only to register the hint of low blood sugar.
Shuffling to the ice box, I take out one of Audrey’s favorite fruit juices and wait by the kitchen doorway.
“Hi, handsome,” Audrey greets with a warm smile, which quickly dims when she reads my expression.
I hold out the juice for her. “Drink. You’re low.”
Audrey gingerly reaches for the drink and lowers herself into her seat.
“Thanks.” She puts down a thick tome I’ve never seen before, and slowly opens the juice.
“Are you going to tell me about this dark cloud storming above your head or should I come back later when you feel like speaking in full sentences?”
Still unable to word the questions burning inside of me, I take up pacing again. A thick silence strangles the room but still Audrey doesn’t speak, waiting for me to say something while she sips on her drink.
In my mind, I see the image from earlier today, of her and Charlie cozied up together in the corner of The Flowering Teapot, his head thrown back in laughter at something she said.
The werewolf looked more relaxed than I’d seen him since arriving in Starry Hill, and now I’m questioning everything about my relationship with Audrey.
A shudder works its way down my spine, disgust at myself for how I’m acting, of the doubt flooding my mind, yet, I need to ask her what that meeting was all about.
I need to know why Audrey lied to me before it burns through my heart and leaves me in ashes.
At the opposite end of the kitchen, I finally halt. Staring at my feet, I ask, “Where were you today?”
I don’t see it, but I can feel the raise of her brows as the shock of my question burns hotter than the fire in the hearth.
“Oh,” Audrey says, sounding slightly amused. “So it’s like this. Fine. I was in meetings.”
“With whom?” I grit out between clenched teeth.
“Well, it looks like you’ve already made up your mind about something, so why not just tell me what it is?” Audrey says mildly.
“I saw you.” The words are wrestled from me, each syllable that passes my lips making me sick. I don’t recognize myself, this way of speaking or thinking.
“Congratulations,” Audrey says, sarcasm dropping from every letter.
“With Charlie,” I say, finally looking up to see her reaction.
Audrey’s juice pauses halfway to her mouth. “And?”
“You said you had a meeting at The Singing Seahorse but I saw you at The Flowering Teapot. Why were you with him? Why did you lie to me?” The questions come faster and faster, my deepest insecurities presenting themselves until I lay myself bare.
“How could you be with another male when I had my cock inside of you this very morning? When I—”
“When you what?” Audrey asks, setting down her empty juice.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, sagging onto a chair, all the steam running out of me.
Soft feet pad across the floor and come to a stand in front of me.
“You feeling a little jealous? Is that what this is?” Audrey asks.
Resting my forearms on my knees, I hang my head low as I mumble, “I don’t get jealous.”
“Sure, stud.”
The familiar nickname has my head snapping up to see Audrey standing with her hands on her hips. Where I thought she’d be angry at me, or disappointed, I see only understanding in her gaze.
Audrey positions herself between my spread thighs and frames my face between her hands.
“Not that I need to justify any of my actions, but I’m happy to tell you exactly what it was about if it’s going to ease some of this possessive bullshit happening with you right now.
But Arran, if this is going to work between us then we have to have uncomfortable conversations and admit to feelings that we might not be too proud of—including jealousy. ”
“Okay,” I hedge, practically holding my breath as I wait for her to continue.
“Over the past month or so, I have been meeting with almost every single creature in Starry Hill. So if you found me on any other day you would’ve seen me having lunch with a different resident—male, female, and all the shades in between.
I’ll tell you all about it later and explain why, but you’re it for me, Arran Stewart.
Even with these jealous, possessive vibes going on. ”
My heart takes up hammering again, but this time with renewed vigor, hope racing through my veins at what I think Audrey is saying.
Audrey straddles my lap and my arms instantly encircle her slight frame, but she doesn’t bring me closer, keeping my face between her hands as she says, “Since my first night in this castle I’ve not desired anyone else but you.
I’ve loved getting to know you, learning how much you care for your clans—both your old one and Starry Hill.
You’ve made me laugh with you, cry with you, dream with you.
Plus you’re very nice to look at and very good with your hands.
I’m not going to list all the advantages of being with you because I fear your ego would get too big, but just know there are many. ”
Audrey allows me to finally embrace her, and I bury my face in her neck.
“My darling, I—I’m sorry I got so jealous.
The sight of you with someone else, it made my vision flash red and override all my other emotions.
I’ve never had such a visceral reaction before.
I was going to The Singing Seahorse to join your meeting after we finished at the dock, but you weren’t there.
I followed your scent down the hill, and then I saw you with Charlie. And he was laughing. He never laughs.”
A smirk slides into place on Audrey’s lips. “I beg to differ. He just hadn’t met someone entertaining enough before.”
Tucking a piece of hair behind Audrey’s ear, I say, “I think you’re right. I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions and made stupid assumptions.”
“You know what they say about assuming…”
“No?”
Audrey wraps a hand around my laces. “Doesn’t matter. But you’ve got to trust me. I can trust you, right? We trust each other?”
A heavy cloud of foreboding descends on us as Audrey’s smirk fades, keeping her gaze trained on my chest instead.
“Of course,” I say, my fingers instantly tightening on her waist.
“And we’ll be honest with each other even if the questions are uncomfortable?” Audrey asks slowly, stealing a quick glance before averting her gaze again.
“Aye. Always,” I vow.
Audrey takes a long breath in through her nose before slowly blowing it out through her mouth. “In that case, I want to ask you a question.”
“Anything,” I answer quickly, my heart thumping so hard I know she must feel it underneath her touch.
Finally, Audrey looks up, her eyes vulnerable and her voice smaller than I’ve ever heard it. “Why have you never bitten me?”
The question cuts through me like a knife slicing into my chest and stabbing me directly in the heart.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“Why? Isn’t it natural for you to want to feed from me?
I know that a vampire bite has venom and can act as an aphrodisiac and can result in fantastic orgasms. And obviously you’ve fed from other partners before because blood bags haven’t been around for that long.
Why not me?” The last three words are barely louder than a breath as they staccato out of her.
The pain in Audrey’s eyes sears through me stronger than any sunburn I’ve ever felt, incinerating the last-remaining walls I’ve built around myself, only to find her there already, right in the center of my heart.
It’s time I strip away my pride and my defenses and truly lay my soul bare for this amazing woman. Audrey deserves to know the full truth, how much she’s come to mean to me, how much I care for her, and how much I fear losing you.
“Because you’re leaving,” I rasp, my throat thick with emotion.
“You told me not to get addicted to you. Audrey, you told me not to fall in love with you. Biting you would only make every single emotion I feel for you so much stronger than it already is. And when you leave me after we’ve shared blood, I don’t think I’d be able to survive. ”
“What if I don’t want to leave?”
It’s as if the entire world pauses, my heart, my lungs, even fate holding its breath.
“What do you mean?” I ask, too scared to move, too scared to hope.
Audrey glances up. “I talked to Josie last week. Everyone has been apprehended. It’s safe to go back to Cape Easton.”
“You haven’t left yet,” I state more than ask.
Swallowing hard, Audrey nods slowly. “I don’t want to go back. I want to stay in Starry Hill. With you.”