Chapter 18
Esiree
The blood. It was everywhere. And it was entirely my fault.
The look of fear in Tempus’s eyes would haunt me forever.
I’d treaded too deep into unknown waters, playing my cards foolishly, thinking my title afforded me authority and power.
And maybe it did, but not the kind that superseded Vastion’s wrath.
I had always imagined the King of the Vampyr to be capable of cruelty and viciousness, but now I’d witnessed it myself.
I had assumed that the weight of my irresponsibility would rest squarely on my shoulders; I had never imagined he would punish me by targeting others.
When I slammed the bedroom door behind me, the loud thud I expected to hear did not follow.
I turned abruptly to find the narrow glare of the one person I did not want to see.
He approached me and I yelled defensively, “What now? Are you going to get rid of me and make up some story, like you did with Kesna?”
His brow furrowed and then his expression softened. He didn’t take another step closer.
“Don’t speak such nonsense,” Vastion said, lowering his voice.
“Judging from your response, I suspect I’m right,” I argued, retreating further.
Vastion moved to my side in a blur, placing himself nose to nose with me.
“By my handling of Tempus, it should be clear how protective I am of you.” He paused and flexed his fingers before curling them back into a balled fist of frustration at his side. “And that I would never hurt you,” he finished, exasperated.
“How can I trust anything you say?” I challenged, knowing he was a liar even if I didn’t entirely understand the details of those lies.
“Fine, truth is what you desire? Then ask, Esiree. Ask whatever it is that fuels your hatred of me, because I cannot take another moment of it.” Vastion’s voice was strained, almost pleading, and it disarmed my anger.
He welcomed the question, so I had only to muster the courage to ask it. To finally get confirmation of my growing suspicions.
“Did Queen Kesna die of illness?”
“No,” Vastion answered without hesitation, his gaze unflinching.
I felt my fingers begin to tremble. “Then how did she die?” I asked quietly, trying to conceal my fear.
His expression turned somber and, for the first time in our argument, his gazed strayed from mine, like he was looking away in…shame. The emotion seemed foreign on him.
“She was executed for treason, along with my younger brother.”
My breath hitched, and I took another step back, realizing he’d confirmed my single worst fear.
“You had them killed?” I said aloud, realizing the question was more rhetorical and meant for my own thoughts.
Vastion dipped his head and strode to the chair by the hearth before falling into the seat. He slumped forward, resting his arms on his knees and began to run a hand through his tousled hair. I felt the tension in my jaw release.
“Orin executed them, upon discovering the truth.”
I began to round the chair opposite of him, the truth of Kesna’s death finally unfolding before me. A truth that perhaps no other human was privy to. The weight of it made me question why he’d trust me with the kind of information that could lead to an entire human rebellion.
“What treason could have condemned them to such a fate?”
Vastion leaned back into the chair and tilted his head toward the ceiling. “An affair. They were lovers. My own brother had taken me for a fool.”
I’d never seen him appear so broken. He did not look like a vampire, nor a king, in that moment. Just a betrayed man. Was that why he was so angry? He had thought Lord Tempus was pursuing me?
“I wasn’t…” I cleared my throat, trying to reframe my words, “Lord Tempus isn’t...” Nothing came out right as I tried to defend my actions and separate them from the severity of what she’d done.
“Es,” Vastion looked at me. “Were it just a matter of my broken heart, perhaps there could have been forgiveness. That is not why Orin executed them.”
Confusion settled in as I tried to make sense of what he was hoping to convey, though mention of a broken heart had me distracted. Echoing the sentiment Tempus had shared about Vastion’s feelings toward the former queen.
“What could be worse than an affair?”
“He was attempting to turn her.”
My chest constricted with understanding. That was the highest form of treason established by the treaty. With Vastion clearly caught up in the memory of the ordeal, I came around the chair across from him, taking my seat slowly.
“I’m… I’m sorry for your loss. Both of them,” I offered, trying to imagine losing my spouse and brother in such a horrific way.
“Thank you, that is kind. It feels strangely…relieving to tell you. This secret is a heavy one to carry, so few know the truth.”
I’m not entirely sure why it mattered, what excuse or reason they could have offered, but I had to know if mercy of any kind was considered for the human queen who had gone astray.
“If she had begged for pardon, would you have considered it?”
A long sigh fell from Vastion’s mouth, and he stared ahead at the roaring fireplace beside us casting shadows along the stone walls.
“They were not given a chance to ask. Orin carried out their execution the moment they were discovered. In hindsight, it’s a burden I’m glad I did not have to bear, as I might indeed have forgiven them.
And that was not what was best for our kingdom.
My own brother… I am merciful, Es, and perhaps Orin knew that when he acted with such haste. ”
An overwhelming sadness flooded me. To have a brother taken without a final word, without a chance for an apology or a goodbye was a heart-wrenching thought.
Looking at Vastion, I could see the grief was a double-edged blade; he wasn’t just mourning the brother he lost, but the woman who had betrayed him.
“Did you love her?” I asked brazenly. Knowing this may be the last earnest conversation we’d ever have. Knowing the truth was as dangerous as it was illuminating.
“I believed I did. Very much so.”
“Did she want to be turned?”
“That is what made me realize I never truly knew Kesna. She never mentioned it. Not once.” He paused to consider his words. “I think the truth is she only wanted eternity with my brother. I may have chosen her as the human queen, but in the end…she chose him.”
Vastion’s confessions hung in the air like thick smoke between us. My breathing was erratic, my stomach tied in knots as my mind raced from one question to the next. Now fully aware of the severity of the topic, I felt something akin to guilt for my shameless prying and prodding.
I didn’t know that he would have ever told me otherwise, though.
I had been forced to dig this truth out of him.
Those around him were sworn to secrecy with their lives.
Lailanor, Mina, especially Orin—they’d have never told me anything.
Would he tell them I knew, or was that too risky for him to even admit?
I didn’t need to ask; I understood entirely why the truth of the matter had been kept from the humans and Vampyr alike.
No one would have believed Vastion that a human queen desired to be turned.
Her reign and the incident of her passing had been obscured by a shroud of time and secrecy.
I was not entirely sure now of my own reasons for picking at this particular scar in history.
There was a mysterious quality to the paintings in the gallery, and Tempus’s cryptic remarks had only served to feed my curiosity to the point of irresponsibility. Now I felt like the foolish one.
Vastion’s body language relaxed a bit as silence settled in between us. If I was going to someday disappear for knowing the truth, I was going to ask every damned question itching at my conscience.
“Are we still being honest?” I asked, hoping the doorway remained open.
He let out an amused humph. “My dear wife, I have laid myself bare to you already today, and yet you pry for more. What a greedy little thing you are.” He smirked. I ignored his remark, continuing on.
“Did you love Queen Adria?”
“Yes, of course. She was my best friend.” He answered confidently and without hesitation.
Something about this answer bothered me even more than his feelings toward Kesna.
What was I to do with this information? Believe that he had loved both his prior wives?
Did this man even truly know what love was if he gave his heart so freely?
“Who knew a man with no pulse had such a big heart,” I said sarcastically.
“Jealous, Es?”
“Jealous that I get to be what, the seventh woman you claim to love?” I scoffed. “Hardly.”
“If you must know, I only ever loved Kesna—in that way. As for the others, I felt nothing toward them, except Adria, and we weren’t like that.”
“Like what?” I asked, cocking my head at his declaration.
“Lovers. We were platonic. Truly, she was my best friend.”
Disbelieving, I challenged him, “You would have me believe you were married all those years and were never…physical with your wife?”
“Nothing more than a few public displays of affection for appearances.”
I refused to believe he was as pious as he was feigning.
“Then surely visits to your Icaria Falls?”
Vastion shook his head, smiling with each denial.
“I told you; it’s been a very long time.”
“So you say,” I replied, my attitude losing steam.
“This interrogation is beginning to feel very one sided,” Vastion mused. “Your...resistance toward me, is it simply because I’m Vampyr, or did I unknowingly steal you away from some suitor back home?”
My mind scrambled to think of the right answer rather than the honest one.
If I told him it was because I despised his kind, then my chances of keeping any trust I’d earned today would bring us back to the start if not put me at a deficit.
If I lied and said there was someone else, then he might distance himself and I wasn’t sure what benefit that would bring me either. Honesty, I repeated to myself.
“There was someone back home who had piqued my interest, but word of my role in the Harvest quickly discouraged any reciprocation.” I hoped Vastion would find my answer satisfactory.
“Did you think of him when you were in the Falls? While in our bed…?” His tone was smooth, even. Weaving around his daring questions, hinting at more jealousy than curiosity.
“No,” I replied shyly, trying to ignore the truth. The true confounding shame that even I could not bring myself to accept.
“Did you think of me?”
Our gazes remained fixed on one another, his confident exterior saturating the silence between us, daring me to answer truthfully.
In my head all I could hear was the persistent echoes of him calling me brave little liar over and over again, and it enraged me.
My skin began to warm with embarrassment as I grit my teeth, trying to hold back the truth.
He raised an eyebrow, and I chewed my lower lip trying think of something witty to reply.
Vastion could tell I was fighting the answer and that, in and of itself, was the victory he sought.
“I think of you.” His voice was low and husky. His stare pinned me to the chair. “I think about tracing circles along your sex with my tongue and feeling your thighs squeeze tightly against me.”
My breath hitched at his filthy words, and I felt my nails digging into the armrests as my body temperature continued to rise. When I offered nothing but more silence, he continued his crass confession.
“I think about the sounds you’re going to make when I tease your entrance with the tip of my cock and how you’ll whine for me to plunge myself deeper into you.”
I turned my gaze away from his, feeling the blood flush my cheeks, making my embarrassment impossible to conceal. Or maybe it was arousal…
“Es?” he said softly.
“Yes?”
He waited until I was looking at him before saying, “I would very much like to continue these honest conversations, but I need to leave.”
Vastion stood and adjusted his belt before moving quickly toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I have many things to address, like this morning’s display in the Great Hall and discussing my time away with Orin.”
Upset with his abrupt exit, I asked, “It can’t wait?”
“No, Esiree, not when my cock is hard from just looking at you, and there’s nothing you’re going to allow me to do about it.”
When he moved his hand to the door handle, he turned to look over his shoulder. “But if that does change, please send for me. Day or night.”